overwhelmed abt uni, outside nonprofit projects I run, js lonely, stressed out for no reason [TW: divorce]

At times I feel really overwhelmed and lonely and a mess of emotions... really heavy emotions and a desire to stop it all. At times I feel super accomplished, happy, and satisfied with the person I've become.

I'm a HS senior, been working on a nonprofit passion project I'm really proud of, helping stray animals since last year. Recently we expanded and made a sports-focused branch of it and are preparing a sports fundraiser soon with a really whacky twist to it compared to other competitions. I also joined another relatively new nonprofit to help out with developing their workshops. On paper it sounds really nice, but sometimes deep down I feel like the impacts aren't as big as I'd like them to be. College apps are coming up (Im planning to apply early action as an intl to the US), and I honestly feel a bit overwhelmed right now. Unsure about my chances at uni full-rides (genuinely feel like i need to score one internationally to feel like i can show my parents im worth smth)... I like doing these outside-school projects for fun, they genuinely are fun, but my incompetence sometimes just makes my mind feel overwhelmed. 

I fear the sports competition isn't going to work out, I fear the cat project will stop being effective and the team will just stop working. I rely on someone that's much more experienced than me for helping with finding sponsors for our sports events, but even then I see what I can't do and can't help but feel everything is out of my control. I don't know why I feel so imposter syndrome right now. I try to make myself believe that I am capable and have been working to fix my negative mindset the old me built up, but I just can't bring myself to believe it sometimes. Sometimes I don't see immediate results (being a leader, I hve to delegate) and it just makes me feel horrible. I don't know, maybe advice I'm getting from my friend just makes me feel like I'm never enough... but his advice truly is helpful.

my parents are divorced. I never felt they were doing a good job anyways so it doesnt bother me much. I now live far away from the city with my dad's parents (my dad lives with his new girlfriend) and had just moved out from my mom's place (which I had been staying in for years) because i don't want her to have another tantrum where she tells my little sister (and me indirectly as a result) that she isn't gonna be my mom when she sees my dads new girlfriend post something that pisses her off. I just feel like I don't have any adult I can rely on. It's a good thing as it's made me grow so much as a leader and made me so independent, but then I also can't help but feel incredibly lonely, as if I can't really rely on anyone.

I'm sorry I just feel so overwhelmed cs of all the ambiguity im experiencing rn around my project work, I know it'll get so much better soon, it's just rn is that part of my day's cycle where I feel horrible again. I don't know why I keep experiencing such differing emotions like this everyday. Maybe its cs i have some school work due tmr that I haven't started on yet. 

I don't know why I feel such an amalgamation of emotions rn. Sorry for the unstructured tangent, I just need to unpack this here so I can make myself feel like someone's hearing me and prob understands me. I'm so sorry for the confusion.