wrong, just venting

idk where to start, this is going to be long and i just want to vent and get this off my chest, i feel very conflicted right now and don’t know how to feel, i know i was wrong in this situation but it still hurts. so 2022 i made an random account that didn’t use my real name, i made this account because i delete my other one because my old online friend group found out i was young and i panicked and deleted my account anyways , shortly after i made the account someone dmed me mistaking me as someone else then i said i wasn’t who he thought i was , then we started texting more, i remember the first night in some events, while we were texting i lied about my age it’s a 5 year difference and he was a minor when i met him so was i, not thinking this was going to go on long, especially with this random fake name account, but i still understand i’m in the wrong, i was just young and lonely, while we were texting the conversation got to him asking about me, and i was sad at the time because i was moving and it was summer and i was living at my cousins house until our house was ready, me and my mom got into some fights there, that’s basically what i was venting about to him and he understood, the only person i could talk to, no friends and moving, after that he started talking about kids and how tall i was because our kids would be tall because he was tall, i remember thinking of him as a friend up until we had that conversation, we eventually show each other our faces after talking for like a week, after he saw me he would shower me with compliments, back then i didn’t really like my appearance, so it made me feel good and i would shower him with compliments, we had so much in common like music taste, and we would have deep conversations about different topics, like religion, school life, our goals dreams , our family, our future , our morals *** it’s like he cared for me, i could always ask him a question, i remember we would watch movies together over the phone and such since we lived in different states, we would play games together to, around this time actually that’s why i’m feeling these emotions so hard, i feel empty right now, like i have no purpose, right now we would be talking or waiting to be talking, during this time the conversations turned sexual, i remember when i would drink during this time, waking up seeing what i texted to him ashamed, with videos and photos and such, during this time i kept arguing with him and breaking up and ignoring him, actually lasting week- weeks, i did this because i knew it was wrong of me to lie and it would come out eventually and just wanted to end it before it got to crazy, but he kept making account after account, wrote me notes on notes of his feelings and how he would feel if i left him, so i eventually went back time after time, i remember i would hurt him to try to leave me alone saying i didn’t deserve him, then saying i was happier without him when i would ignore him for weeks, i just feel terrible right now putting him through what i did i know he feels guilty, all the things we said and did, leading to my downfall, i followed a school page and he saw in my following leading him to block me, i was saddened at the time but understood, he eventually unblocked me so i followed him, leading him to block me again, but over time he’s unblocked me , so i don’t follow him again, just watching his profile knowing i’m in the wrong, i feel bad, like i should have just never made that account, but anyways this is all my brain wants me to remember at the moment, bye