How to breakup with someone you love?
My relationship is so toxic, I really love him but I need to find courage to distance myself from him. I don’t know how to walk away, he was my best friend. We have known each other for 10 years and been in an intimate relationship for 3 years.
It’s getting really bad but we don’t know how to stay together but also don’t know how to break up. i just couldn’t find myself to resist going back because I miss him.
I’m just feeling lost and stuck.
@BlackCat36542
It sounds really complicated, Cat. It's so hard to know what needs to happen but to struggle with the actual doing of it. This is something that can't be answered in a simple reply to a single post. One of the best "tips" someone gave me once was to write down feelings in two columns: Column 1 = what your brain is telling you; Column 2 = what your heart is telling you. Sometimes looking at that list will give you some peace and clarity of mind. You probably know exactly what to do, but you need to see it clearly. Whether you break up or decide to work hard on keeping the relationship going, neither of those is easy. It's a very emotional journey, and those can be hard to face. Take care, and I wish you all the best.
Thank you. You have no idea how much this means to me.
@BlackCat36542
Aw, thank you for that, Cat. I also found it hard to concentrate on "me." Because I'm the kind of person who is a "giver" - any form of prioritizing me used to feel selfish. I learned, through my personal therapy journey, that you have to listen to your emotional heart and take steps to keep your own mental health in a good place, even when it means you don't have quite so much to give. When we start to give more than we are receiving, that can be one of the signs that a relationship is not really healthy in the first place. You deserve love and respect, above all else. If you aren't feeling those two things, you know the issues are real, and not just inside your head. Hang in there.
Literally made me cry, in the most comforting way. You literally speaks how I feel. Really makes me feel like I’m not alone.
@BlackCat36542 You have support here. Feel free to message me if you'd like to chat privately at any point.
Ten years is a very long time. It must be very hard for you to take the steps in the healthier direction. Especially, when your heart considered him a confidante.
May you find the strength to ride out the rough part. God bless.
The first step is GOING NO CONTACT.
God bless
Thank you so much. Sometime I feel alone I’m glad I am heard. I am trying to go no contact but it’s do hard. I just miss him so much but when it’s so toxic, I know I just have to pull away :( but it’s hard to pull away from someone you love so much.