I think I'm a perfectionist. (This might be a bit much idk)
This is my first forum post, and I would appreciate any thoughts. For so long I've been thinking about something someone said about me that I perceived as negative, or was negative. Things happening wrong in my life and in the world I find reasons to blame myself for not making an impact. I fear criticism so sometimes I do get defensive, and most of the time I view opinions as factual, I'm afraid to be viewed as anything less by someone else, so I change how I think and act. But when i cant satisfy this criteria, I feel constant anxiety, I feel guilt and shame. I can't be happy for more than a minute because I start to focus on how imperfect I am. I'm afraid to talk to a therapist, mainly because I feel like I don't need one, and one I'm afraid they will even judge me. Positive affirmations don't work cause I don't believe them, I push people away because I'm afraid it won't go well, I cannot let go of negativity to even focus on what makes me happy, I loose sleep because of this. You can tell me these thoughts are irrational, but my brain doesn't care, I don't even know what's rational and what isn't. I want to do everything right. (I'm sorry if this is much, I've never been comfortable to talk about how I feel enough to talk to someone except my mom, she's been great but I feel I'm letting them down by being negative. I don't wanna spread it to others)
@sensitiveMoon6585
Hi there, I´m sorry to hear about your distress. Talking with a therapist is the best way to try solving your issues in a professional way, better than the try and error method we use by ourselves without guidance.
Check his credentials and reviews, if the therapist is good he shouldn´t judge, and if he judge is a signal that is not a good professional so you must see other.
About perfection and imperfection, we live in an imperfect world, which we sense it with our imperfect senses, which we analyze with our imperfect brains, so in my opinion "perfection" only exist in our brains and it should be used with "caution", because there is no happiness involved in "perfection", because for our brain will never be "perfect enough", or "quantity enough of everything" if we don´t take charge of our brain, and stop it´s unstoppable ambition (doesn´t matter how perfect all is, or how much it is, brain will keep creating needs and possible negative scenarios).
In my opinion the brain was designed to survive in the Savannah some thousands years ago, not to make us happy, more in a society where we have more or less all our basic needs covered. We trust it blindly because is a very powerful tool but is a double edge weapon. Is like a Ferrari, and you want it to go fast in a desert (happiness) and it doesn´t work that way.
If you let your brain use you and take charge of your live is a sure ticket for unhappiness. The trick is that is "you" who must use your brain for your needs, not leave it throwing its useless "advertisement" without stop and control.
Is hard to realize this, but once you learn to differentiate when to use your brain in a productive way, and when it´s throwing poison that only make you unhappy, you can learn to omit that information and keep going with life.
Hi there. Tbh I’m a bit perfectionist too. My real name is literally means Perfect in arabic lmao. And being perfectionist is not fun, scared if people judged me as flawed, stupid, doesn’t make sense etc.
But what makes me fighting the urge to be perfect is freedom. I value freedom so much. I want to do things how I want it to be. I don’t want other people decide it for me. I don’t want people’s opinion dictates what I should do. So I always went from “ugh this is hideous people will comment on this flaw I made” to “so what if they comment on this flaws? I don’t want to spend my energy just to satisfy other people”.
If I can accept that flaw, people should be able to accept it too. So the first step would be me accepting myself that I’m not perfect. I’m allowed to be imperfect. It’s okay to do it with flaw, as long it doesn’t affect anyone’s life negatively then it should be fine.
Maybe because I’m older now so I can take myself less seriously than I used to when I was younger. To remember things that I did when I was young to look perfect, I wonder where I get all that energy from lmao.
One of the quote I like to mention is “No need to take life too seriously, we won’t get it out alive anyway”. And “here for a good time not for a long time” lol I hope you can relax more, love yourself, accept your flaws and cherish your good and bad side. Speak to yourself the way you would speak to someone you really care, you really love.. don’t criticize yourself too much.. speak to yourself like you’re a small kid that need guide and support instead of criticism.
You’re allowed to make mistakes okey? Don’t be too hard on yourself ❤️
Wow. This is. When I read this, it sounds just like me. I’m really sorry that you feel this way, you’re not alone.
Please don’t fear ‘bringing others down’. Your struggles matter, and you deserve to be able to share them.
*Sending peaceful rays to you my friend*
I struggle with perfectionism which leads to constant underlying anxiety. Mine is mainly with work. It used to be school/college when I was younger. I know mine goes back to wanting acceptance and approval of others. However, I am very independent and introverted and don't want people to get too close. I think it's my protective bubble. I also have this habit I have done most of my life where I reject others before they reject me. The thing I learned about that....they may not be rejecting me at all. It may all be in my head. It usually is. I have learned I create scenarios in my head based on fear of what others think. And they may not be thinking about me at all! I have wasted alot of my energy and ruined many relationships in my past due to this. I am learning and growing.
