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Step 14: But if You Do Punish...

Creator: @SoulfullyAButterfly

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To be sure, thoughtful individuals can avoid most of these pitfalls of punishment. However, most of us are not calm or thoughtful or scientific when it comes to dispensing self-punishment. So if you decide to use punishers – and I know that some of you will (perhaps it’s just human nature), here are some pointers:

  • Punish like a tree. Properly applied, punishment should be immediate, contingent, and calm. Every time you run into a tree, you experience the same response. Emulate a tree should you decide to punish yourself in addition to rewards, and avoid having an emotional “I got you” response.
  • Each and every time. Be consistent with your punishment even though daily life might get in the way. We only get caught on rare occasion for speeding in cars or cheating on examinations. That’s a weak way of shaping behavior; instead, apply a mild punishment every time.
  • Catch it early in the behavior chain. Punishing yourself is more effective when it’s done early - before the unwanted behavior culminates into a more serious outcome. Reaching for the forbidden cookie jar while dieting, for instance, can be mildly punished. Don’t wait until after you’ve already eaten four cookies.
  • Variety is the spice of punishment, too. By definition, punishment is any contingent consequence following an undesirable behavior, which weakens or discourages that particular behavior. It’s not necessarily a penalty; it’s anything that decreases the behavior. Thus, use a wide range of mild forms of punishment so that they do not lose their impact.
  • Double thrust the consequences. As you punish yourself for what not to do, simultaneously reinforce what to do. This has the effect of encouraging the positive behavior. In our cookie example, you could mildly punish yourself for reaching for the cookies and then immediately reward yourself for eating a healthier substitute. Always combine punishment with rewarding the healthier alternative!
  • Put yourself in timeout. Much like you might ground adolescents or put youngsters in a “time-out” for their misbehavior, you can punish yourself just by removing a pleasurable event or activity. You can cancel a planned night out if you procrastinated too much that day. You can skip your favorite television show or lose some other “behavioral freedom” if you didn’t get eight hours of sleep the night before as planned.
  • Ignore, not punish. In punishment, strictly speaking, a consequence follows a behavior. But you can also choose to ignore the unwanted behavior, in which case no consequence follows - nothing is added, nothing is removed. What’s important here is to withdraw any previous reinforcement. Do nothing - don’t punish and certainly don’t reward yourself. This eventually helps erode the undesirable behavior. In fact, ignoring can prove more irritating than punishment since there is no response at all. Much as with disciplining kids, we do not want to punish each and every small misstep. Instead, alternate between ignoring some undesirable behaviors and punishing others.  

Share any insights about these pointers for using punishers in the box below.