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Why do I feel like I'm cheating on him still, even though we broke up months ago?

164 Answers
Last Updated: 08/05/2021 at 6:00am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Andrea Tuck, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I tackle and discuss a multitude of social and emotional health issues. I have a belief that through empowerment and non-judgmental support clients' can thrive.

Top Rated Answers
January 20th, 2015 9:45am
Well thats simple, even though the relationship was long over, your heart feels like you're still tied up to him. And no matter how much time passes, you continuously keep on thinking about him and about what you had with him as a couple. Which is why, then when you start seeing other people, you feel as though you're cheating on him and the new relationship with the other guy would feel wrong.
June 13th, 2018 11:57pm
Often when you're with someone for a long time, you build your life around them and you get used to them. They become a habit, something that is somewhat like an organ. Sometimes, you even build your plans and dreams around them. When they leave, it feels like something is wrong. Out of habit, you go to make two cups of coffees, you buy the chocolate that they liked. Similarly, when you finally start seeing someone else, it feels wrong. You are so used to being faithful, not looking at anyone else, giving them all your attention and love that when someone else finally tries to come in, it takes some time to re-adjust, remind your body, heart and brain that you're not doing anything wrong. Stay strong x
July 20th, 2015 12:39am
You broke up with him but you are still feeling bad when you are with other men/boys. He probably meant a lot for you. If you want to talk with me about the breakup, feel free to contact me.
December 22nd, 2016 9:06pm
Because you still love him and/or still have feelings for him. You feel like it doesn't feel right being with anyone else. You don't know whether to move on or not. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. You feel like even though he says he's moved on that he hasn't and that he still cares and that could very well be the case. People don't always say what they mean whether it be good or bad. You feel like deep down he still wants you in a way. and that if he found out about you being with someone else, he would be upset. I know because I have been your shoes before.
June 7th, 2016 5:06am
Because you are still mentally having a relationship with him even though he's not there anymore. Time to work on letting go and focusing on your future.
April 22nd, 2015 11:44pm
It sounds like you still feel connected to him for whatever reason. Perhaps you haven't gotten the closure you need. Maybe some soul searching and some quality time with your thoughts will give you the answers you need. He may have been controlling in a sense as well, causing you to feel guilty for moving on. Or you may still have feelings for him.
September 20th, 2016 4:40pm
Because you all were so close that you feel like you still owe him loyalty. You have to ask yourself a qustion. Is he being loyal to you still ?
January 20th, 2017 4:40pm
I understand how it is to feel hat way, when you are so closely attached to.someone for such a long time, you don't feel like giving up so soon. So, even when its over and you start liking or hooking with someone else, this constant feeling of guilt is not something you need. I know its hard, its tough and not easy to get over it but you can't let your past overpower your present and future. You are not cheating on anyone, go out, be with anyone you want, have fun, fall in love again. You are amazing :)
November 23rd, 2015 10:30am
Break-ups can be tough! Give yourself some time to build yourself up! You might not be ready to move on! Find some hobbies, talk to old friends/make new friends. Go out and have a good time just for yourself! You can't be happy with someone else until you're happy with yourself
September 15th, 2016 3:09am
The idea is to realize where you are now and that you are single and available. You have to let go of the fact that you belong to him anymore and you have to be in charge of your own happiness. Just as he is responsible for his own.
December 14th, 2015 5:50pm
It is because you were so close with him, and you felt like he was the only one there. It takes time to get over someone, but I believe you can do it.
April 29th, 2015 1:34am
Is he possibly still a major part of your heart? Sometimes you feel like the connection is there even if its officially over. Like the Rachel Ross on a break from friends :)
May 21st, 2015 11:55pm
This is a very common reaction to a break up. After breaking up with someone you can still feel like you are with them because it might be what you want to do even if they don't want to or you know that it would be wrong. When you find someone else but you are still dealing with a breakup this can lead to what you are feeling.
February 16th, 2016 1:00pm
Maybe because you're guilty of breaking up and you feel it's your fault and maybe coz, you didn't want it that way.
January 18th, 2015 5:05pm
You have that feeling because he was recently part of your life, someone that was the one for you and even after a month you have the same feeling because it can be unusual change for you. You have a feeling of replacing him with someone else and the thought that he was recently the one next to you. Give yourself a little time and that feeling will go away eventually. :) It's similar to getting used to the light after the dark.
November 17th, 2015 8:44pm
Maybe if it was a long term relationship, or if you are still talking day to day. That that would be a reason why
June 24th, 2017 10:43am
You feel that because you do not consider the relationship finished. You will have to look back and see what does not let you break the relationship. Maybe there are things to say, maybe some mistakes have been made and they have not been repaired and you can not go over them. Perhaps the chances are that the relationship can be resumed.
September 17th, 2016 11:15pm
If you've been in a relationship before, especially if it was a long and or meaningful one, it's natural to feel odd about dating and connecting again. If you truly feel like the guilt is hindering and preventing new opportunities for your new relationship, then it might not be the right time to date again. However, if you feel you are ready to love again, move forward optimistically, and remember that this relationship has nothing to do with your old one -this isn't about the past, it's about the future.
September 17th, 2016 7:06pm
you still not move on from him yet? don't worry, it will be over by the time. there is a day when you will forget everything about the past relationship and getting ready to open up a new door for someone new where you won;t feel like cheating, just wait
February 10th, 2017 3:53pm
Because you care for him, it doesn't matter that you're not involved in a romantic relationship anymore, he mattered to you and probably still does.
September 21st, 2016 9:55pm
A sense of loyalty and attachment may last after you break up (especially if you've been going out for some time), it's perfectly normal and okay to feel like this! Just don't rush into anything with someone else to just 'get over them', it will just add to the feeling of cheating.
September 6th, 2017 3:58am
Well thats simple, even though the relationship was long over, your heart feels like you're still tied up to him. And no matter how much time passes, you continuously keep on thinking about him and about what you had with him as a couple. Which is why, then when you start seeing other people, you feel as though you're cheating on him and the new relationship with the other guy would feel wrong.
April 15th, 2018 6:27pm
It could be that you still feel like you have a connection with your ex and still have an emotional attachment to him, especially if it was a long-term relationship or a relationship where you felt very deeply for him.
December 14th, 2017 10:07pm
You can be feeling like that because you really cared about him and the feelings are still there and some of the wounds are still fresh. You shouldn't feel guilty, its jut sometimes the normal ups and downs we feel when going through a break-up.
April 27th, 2018 8:43pm
Maybe because you sill haven't moved on. you still have feelings for him. And somewhere inside you want things to work out.
July 6th, 2017 2:04pm
The emotional break up takes longer than the physical one. That's why exes don't usually become friends right after the break. There are left over feelings, memories. And it doesn't mean anything aside from the fact that he meant a lot to you and it's gonna take some time.
August 5th, 2021 6:00am
the remanant feelings and emotional conflicts will be there; like a shadow following you around. the connection will linger even after separated, so will the familiarity and clinging to "used to"--everything new will seem different and we usually don't respond to change in the best possible way. your previous relationships will establish its own habitual patterns of behavior (the how it "used to" be as mentioned above), and also the conscience coherent best accommodate the relationship. this conscience will accompany us even after we move on. As they say: its not that you can't move on with a new stranger, its the previous relationship that is deeply integrated within us, shaping how we behave, unconsciously rejecting another "stranger", an invitation to a date, initiating another romantic affair. on a bright note, our conscience rejecting the idea of someone new shows that we have loved, hurt beautifully, and is imprinted by love--it shows that we are humane and vulnerable. now, we also wrestle with self-inflicted pain. breaking up may just be a scar, holding that much pain. we may take the scar and irritate it, scratch, press on it, not letting it heal. this could be a result of past trauma where we unconsciously reflect how people treated us back onto ourselves (self degradation, detachment, anger etc.). It could be to verifying the significance/meaning of your past relationship through emotions--for we are afraid to not care and not feel. It could be to gain a sense of control, or perhaps a pleasure (pshh innuendo implied). anyways!! reach out to me if you need to talk. yes they all say this, ridiculous as it sounds now, time will ease the pain. the tides of time will carry you farther away from the thing
October 27th, 2016 11:27pm
Sometimes, when we share our lives with someone for so long, its hard to make any decision or take any action that truly feels independent of our significant other, even if its after breaking up. This is perfectly natural and perhaps its a sign that you are not yet ready to share with someone new
December 24th, 2016 5:37pm
You might have broken up physically but still be mentally and emotionally attached to him. These attachments take time. Give yourself some time and explain the change to yourself and you'll get over it.
July 13th, 2017 4:41am
After coming out of a relationship, it is always hard to completely move on. The only thing that can change that is acceptance and time.