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Anonymous - Expert in Family Stress
April 9th, 2016 11:26am
I have never hated anyone before, but I can honestly say that I hate my father. Why? Because for my whole life I have put up with his incessant perfectionism, obsession with small detail, short temper, criticism, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. He is a very opinionated and angry person and has no hesitation in showing it, both at home and in public. He thinks he is always right and every one else is wrong, and expects to have everything his way. My family have tried to talk to him about his behaviour, but he gets very defensive and loses his temper. He has lost several jobs and doesn't have many friends - that says it all. I don't know why my mother didn't leave him years ago. The worst part is I fear my father's horrid personality is rubbing off on me. I see some of his traits in me, and it sickens me. I would rather die than turn out like him. I don't have many friends and I worry that it is because I am like him. I try not to be like him, and I try hard to make friends, but for some reason it just doesn't work out. Why can't I have a normal father? You know, someone who is relaxed and easy to get along with; someone I can be around without the worry of being told off or criticised; someone who doesn't lose his temper whenever he doesn't get his way; or at least a father who doesn't call me hurtful names and do spiteful things when he is angry. I have never known what it is like to have a warm loving father; a father who doesn't just say he loves me but actually shows it. I have never had a proper father figure in my life, someone I admire and am proud of. And I guess I will never know.
Does it make you unhappy? Do you think it's wrong? My father is always angry when I interact with him - the rest of the time, he ignores me - and the way I learned to handle it was to control my own anger. Being able to say, I'm a bigger, better man than this 50-something adult, at least in this important way...it's very freeing. My victory was not letting him teach me to be small the way he was.
Your father might be going through a lot of stress, so it manifests as anger. Sometimes when we are stressed, we take it out on others. It may be related to work, finances, etc. It's hard to put up with someone who is never in a good mood, especially if they are your parent. Maybe talking to your father about what's really bothering him, would help you put things more in perspective. Or, sometimes, you have to be patient with your dad and not let his anger get the best of you. Hopefully, he will get better.
I don't know your full situation, but I hope the best for you!
Hey.Hope you are keeping well.So, about your problem.Even my father used to be angry almost the entire day.He used to scream uselessly.So I tried to understand my father.First I started listening to him and did whatever he told me to.Then I made him feel that he is loved. Gradually,his anger started to fade away.So,I guess you should spend some time with your father.Make him feel happy and loved.There is a very good chance that he will change and become a happy and loving dad.Well,let's say he doesn't (the possibility is almost near to zero that he won't change).Then you should try to avoid him.And if he ever tells you to do something,do it, because if you don't, then your dad will not be less than a storm.But you won't need to face the storm because your dad will change.With love everything can be done.
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March 24th, 2016 12:40pm
There's nothing you can do to change your father, he has to deal with his own issues just know it's not your fault no matter how he is
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April 20th, 2016 3:12pm
I can really relate to that.. The random surge of anger, the mood swings, the feeling like it's your fault.. I get it.. If there was an answer to this question, I would've told you but there isn't. I can tell you what I do in a situation where my father is angry. I've gotten used to it over the past few years that it doesn't bother me anymore, I let it slide now and I tune him out. Or I go for a walk outside
Perhaps it is his way of expressing his emotions, he doesn't know how to express them in any other way. Don't react to anger with anger, it will only escalate. Wait for him to calm down and try to talk to him.
If you are feeling anything less than safe and comfortable you need to contact someone. I know it is hard and scary. But it's the best thing for you. You could contact a friends parent, a family member that you trust or even your favourite teacher. But you should never feel afraid in your own home, let alone your own father. He is suppose to keep you safe from all harm.
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April 24th, 2016 4:03pm
my father too, is always angry.. all the time. When we were little we talked to him but with time due to his strict behavior and violence we left talking to him, because we became afraid of him i have lived half of my life but i have never asked him for a penny by myself or any complaint, argument or gossip. I do not know why fathers behave like this. If he remains unhappy or angry as a habit then mover forward do not pay much attention to his behavior because it will make you worried and your worrying will not change him. Secondly if, he is angry because of some financial reason or something give him time to get even with his troubles. You can just act like one human being behaves with other. Sometimes we cannot ask parents or father to behave like one....
Stay calm and try not to let it upset you too much. Chances are, he isn't angry at you! He could be just stressed at work , having relationship issues or finding life difficult right now. Try talking to him and ask or just be there for him. If is angry at you and making you feel bad, I would tell another adult and seek advice. No one should be made to feel like that.
Try being nice to him and always ask him what's wrong whenever he seem upset. Let him know that you care about him and that'll probably make him feel a little better. If he refuses to tell you what's wrong, do something that'll put a smile on his face.
You may try to have a calm discussion with him and see if there's anything troubling him or if you could help him with something. If that doesn't help then try to reach out to someone who could talk to him on your behalf. All the best.
You should try and establish why he is angry, has something happened to make him feel this way? Then you should ask him to manage his anger, maybe go anger management or some sort of therapy. Explain to him how it makes you feel when you see him ao angry
Sit down with him and speak to him about your concerns for his emotional wellbeing. Mention that you've noticed his bad moods and are wondering if he's feeling okay. Sometimes people just need someone to reach out to them and show that they care.