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Why am I not good enough for my parents?

202 Answers
Last Updated: 06/18/2022 at 10:54pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
uniqueApricot19
December 5th, 2019 11:29am
We are good enough Our parents, at times may appear very demanding. Their expecting at other times. Or sometimes Simultaneously may seem overly high. 9 times out of 10 these parents genuinely want the very best from that potential. We know there are the pushy parents. The ones who once had a lost dream and wish their offspring to peruse and carry on the baton, where they left of. Sometimes seeming overly controlling / psychopathic in their pursuit. Though many of such parents have produced fame passion ed successful celebrities, this is probably not the best method
Anonymous
December 15th, 2019 10:43am
You should never be made to feel like your not good enough, you are! Your parents love you and appreciate you, I know exactly where you are coming from though, growing up I was expected to be smart and live up to my amazing older brother, being the middle child dint help either as I felt I never really mattered and unless I got the highest mark or accomplished something really incredible I wouldn't be noticed or ever enough to please them. What I realised as I grew up was that I was so focused on doing things in my life to make them love and appreciate me more, was that I was completely miserable and depressed. I felt like I had no purpose or direction in life and I regret not doing the things I loved and what I was passionate about because that was also what I was best at. And I only realised too late that actually my parents always supported and loved me its just some have a different way of showing it, they were always there pushing me and guiding me to success and always right behind me in case I fell. I would advice that you speak to them about how you feel and let them tell you yourself how much you matter and are enough. :)
Anonymous
September 7th, 2017 6:55pm
Your parents probably have high expectations or Goals they could never reach so now they want you to reach them. But that's wrong. They usually just want the best for you and want to inspire you to become better. It's just a wrong way of doing that.
LetHopeRise
August 20th, 2017 1:13am
The pressure our parents instill on us is not directly related to us. More often than not, it's about them. HOW we deal with that pressure is the only thing we can do something about.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2017 8:00am
You are. You just think you are not. Parents have a tendency to act indifferently towards our achievements, but this is not because you are not good enough. It means that they believe there is more to what you can do, or something better to something you just did. You will receive that much-earned praise once you've given it your all, believe me. You haven't reached your full potential yet and your parents can see that.
yourcupofsweettea
May 3rd, 2020 2:14am
I know what that's like. Feeling like you constantly have to push harder, do more, be better. YOU are the only one who gets to determine what's "good enough". If you know you are doing your best, you are more than good enough. Sometimes parents can be pressuring and insensitive without realizing. Have a sit down talk with mom and/or dad about how you feel and what you want to do to move forward. If you want to have a better relationship with them, find a time to talk and let them know how you feel. Start with "Sometime I feel like...when you..." Sometime's it all just one HUGE misunderstanding, you all are capable of getting through this stronger but ONLY if you communicate. Feel free to find me and we can chat if you need some support on how/when to talk to them or if there is a specific issue you'd like to address. Good luck!
positivekayla16
April 24th, 2020 3:49am
Parents always want the best for their children, but in many cases this hope comes off as disappointment in the child for not exceeding their expectations. Because your parents want the best for you, it makes you feel like you will never be enough for them. You, as their child, are perfect in your own way and are good enough for you. Parents are imperfect beings that may not understand you and what you are going through, so it is important to be proud of who you are and not focus on what your parents want you to be. You are amazing and your parents are lucky to have you as a child.
comfortableHoney7052
April 17th, 2020 8:28pm
For my immigrant parents, the goal was for me me to be the most successful I could be. But sometimes parents pin a lot of their own hopes and dreams on you and you can't be expected to fulfill every single one. Parents are humans too and at times they fail to realize that you are your own person. I think what is takes is realizing that you are good enough regardless of other people's perception of you. Everyone has intrinsic value regardless of their success. It can be hard to swallow since we're brought up thinking that the more successful you are, the better of a person you are. But your value as a human being will always remain.
ilovefood180
April 2nd, 2020 7:39pm
It depends on how they view you or treat you as their child. Sometimes because of the experiences they had it influences how they grow their children. Whether it may be negative or positive. They sometimes have a hard accepting who you are or seeing who you've become therefore you may not get that recognition you deserve. It can be challenging dealing with situations especially without support and when you need it the most. I am here to tell you that whenever you think you are not good enough help them see the person you are cause they may not be using the right view. Just know that you are good enough and you are who you are, accept yourself.
CourageousHeart1602
April 1st, 2020 3:12pm
This question resonated with my soul. As an individual who has experienced these thoughts I know how suffocating it can be and how much it hurts. You are not alone in your thoughts as many of us have felt this way. From my experience, it helped when I explored my thoughts, acknowledged the emotions that I was denying myself and what I wanted. Some times we hide our true feelings and emotions behind this question, where we pin the blame on ourselves and we forget that we were just young and innocent. This isn't a question that a child (whether you're 3, 13 or 30, age doesn't matter) should be questioning. You are good enough, you are worthy of love and affection. You are valid and it is not okay for anyone to make you feel otherwise even if they are family. Sorting out our feelings that are shielded behind this question is a scary thought but we can do this. It truly helps in the long run
Simonisreadytotalk123
March 29th, 2020 1:19am
A parent's 'job' is to nurture, encourage, and support a child's growth in a positive direction. Often parents might express 'standards' in order for the child to reach higher level of achievement, to improve them/ prepare them for independence, or to give their child what they see as a sense of personal satisfaction or personal accomplishment. But these 'standards' can often be a source of negative pressure, to cause anxiety, feelings of incompetency, deficiency, and disappointment in oneself. It's important to know, that you are striving to be your best self. You might feel like, or your parents might make you feel like you aren't enough, but you have your own set of goals. You are you, not your parents, and you are on a winding journey to become the best version of you, whether you are fortunate to have your parents help you on that journey, or you are finding trusting friends along the way :)
Anonymous
March 28th, 2020 12:09pm
Often times parents see their children as an extension of themselves. They see their children as who they want to be, or who they wished they could be when they were young. This is not fair. I hope for you that you are able to give yourself the permission to be your own person, your most authentic self, and your highest self. Be the person that you like, want to be, and enjoy being. If your parents don't like you when you like you, then this is not your fault, and you don't need to try to control how they feel.
Aloisa136
March 20th, 2020 8:08am
Hello . I'm sorry that you think like this, but let me tell you something , we decide how to be and nobody ,even our parents can't put a limit of our best. Sure they are your parents ,they love you more than anything but sometimes they make mistakes ,like now . You are good enough for all ,if you don't like something at your self change it ,but make this cause you want not others . Be your self ,cause if you lose your self things become senseless . It's about you not about others. Trust your self more . Take care for your self🙂.
Anonymous
March 18th, 2020 9:36am
You are good enough. I know parents might say things which make you feel like they find you not enough but it's not true, they want you to be the best version of yourself, they want to see you a successful and brilliant person but deep inside they love you as you are, with your strengths and weaknesses. They love you, and they want the best for you. You need to believe in yourself, believe that you are good and enough but this means that you have to work consistently on yourself. It's the only way to grow in a world that doesn't stop growing.
foreveralivepheonix
March 7th, 2020 2:20pm
Speaking from personal experience, this is a question I have asked my self alot in the past. If your parents have high standards to which you cannot reach, that is OK. You are not perfect and neither are you a robot made by them to be what they want. You are a human that was made by them. A human with his/her's own qualities and skills. Do not pressurize your self to reach their standards. Its bad for mental health and if you don't feel likenits for you then don't do it because you'll slowly lose yourself in the process. Criticism is awful, especially when its from people like your parents because they are the ones you expect to support and help you in times of need. Don't let their words get to you. Be your self. Follow your dreams. In the long run who's the one to benefit? Its you. I'm not telling you to rebel but never think that you are not enough.
Anonymous
January 11th, 2019 10:51pm
Your parents need the best for you.It’s hard to deal with parents because of the differentiation of the age and parents will create pressure on their child’s life.Most of them don’t understand what their child’s going through and it’s so hard.It may cause depression and anxiety for the child that’s facing it.Almost 90% of parents fight with their children about grades,actions,behavior and so many more.I can’t give an advice here but all i can say that almost every relation of parents with their childern is bad and have a lot of problems and fightings that may affect the atmosphere of the house and that you should be willing to think how can you fix it.
Kpopcat2020
June 18th, 2022 10:54pm
Why aren't we good enough for parents? Good question. Every person at one point or another feels like they disappoint their families. For example, you get an A in a subject you have trouble with, yet you are told you should at least have an A+. Why isn't an A good enough? Parents want the best for their children and for them to be just like them. Maybe you want to major in cosmetology, when your parents want you to be a nurse like your mother. That's a decision that makes you different from them, and that they may not like. So if you are scolded like this again, try to say, "I'm doing my best, thanks"or "I feel confident doing this, but thanks for the concern". You need to be slightly firm with what you believe and think. Good luck, and take care!
InternetSupport
January 19th, 2019 7:54am
I don't think you can't be good enough for your parents. They raised you and if you feel unacceptable you should talk to them about it. It might be difficult to bring it up but once you do you'll feel much better. It's probably all inside your head. If you really don't want to talk to them face to face, leave a note saying how you feel and go for a short walk. I've personally found that it's easier conveying emotions through writing. Talking to others face to face about how you feel can be difficult, but sometimes it's necessary. Either talk to them face to face about it, or leave a note for them, but either way, you should tell them how you feel. It's better to get things out in the open than leave things unsaid. I hope I've helped.
Anonymous
January 25th, 2019 3:57pm
Wow this really hits home. Parents often have expectations for us based on their past successes or failures. Either they want the same success for us or they want is to be better than they were. So that we can have a better life. Often this clouds what they see. It won't matter how great you are doing but if you don't live up to the standard of "success" as they know it you are supposedly letting them down. That is not true at all. Objectively and logically speaking as long as you are doing the best you can and you are happy and healthy it is more important than reaching some standard they've set for you.It is a tough situation and truly sucks. But it is important to recognize that you are important and your opinion of yourself matters first.
AislynnQ
February 8th, 2019 10:47pm
If you feel that you are not good enough for your parents, then maybe it’s that your parents aren’t good enough for you. No one should ever make you feel inferior to them. If that’s not the case, then it could also be general anxiety. What in your life is triggering this feeling? If it’s a bad habit, is there something you can do to change it? You should never feel less than yourself, nor should you ever have to chance yourself to make others happy. Even if it’s the hardest thing to do, sometimes the best thing is to sit down and ask, “what is the problem?” I hope this helps, and I really understand where you’re coming from.
Peacefully00
March 10th, 2019 4:37pm
You ARE good enough for your parents, even if their behaviour seems to tell you otherwise! Parents always want the best for their children, they wish they become successful. In their eyes, their children are the best in the world, and although this vision is meant to be positive, it may raise their expectations… Remember they do love you and that everything they do (even if it seems unfair to you) is done out of love. However, if their expectations rech a point where you start feeling under pressure, you may want to talk to them and remember them no one is perfect, and everyone does the best they can. Also you can tell them that if they want you to become successful and find your way, their support would be very appreciated :)
Anonymous
April 7th, 2019 2:48am
I'm sure you are good enough, you are important and special. Your parents may just have a hard time showing their love to you, or don't understand you. Maybe try to discuss the situation with them and let them know you are hurting. It can be hard when your parents don't understand you and make you feel like you are not good enough, but you are. And you deserve to be happy. Never think that you are not good enough for anyone, because I can promise you that you are important and special and loved. I know it must hurt but things will always get better.
MadisonA1
April 24th, 2019 2:04am
Sometimes parents have way too high of expectations for their children. Some expect their children to grow up and become doctors or lawyers but those are unrealistic expectations. You have other goals in life that your parents simply don't agree with. You are good enough for your parents, it may not feel that way since they have such high expectations for you. Your parents will always love you for who you are and who you will become. You just need to show your parents that even though you will not be a doctor or a lawyer, you will be successful and happy with whatever you choose to pursue in life. Your parents will accept you for who you are no matter what, even though it might not feel that way sometimes.
Anonymous
May 18th, 2019 9:02am
First, why did you say that you are not enough? Did they make you feel that? Try talking to your parents. Tell them how you feel. Explain to them why did you feel that way. I think there is a misunderstanding. The moment you are born, they are already proud of you. You just have to let go your worries. Talk to them. Communicate with them. Don't you ever think you are not enough because you are. You matter to anyone. If not with your parents, I know there is someone who will treat you special. Smile sunshine. Hehe.
MissLisa
August 22nd, 2019 2:00pm
A relationship between a child and their parents vary. Not everyone gets on well with their parents and some parents have very high expectations for their children. This can often leave the child feeling like they are not good enough despite their best efforts. This can be very upsetting and harmful to that child as this induces stress and anxiety. It puts a lot of pressure on the child. Perhaps you could speak with you parents and explain to them that you feel you aren't good enough. You may be surprised to learn they feel you are more than adequate.
PacificBruce
February 8th, 2020 1:53am
I hear you saying that you think you are not good enough for your parents. Is there a specific thing that they have said or done that leads you to believe this? I know it can be difficult as i felt similarly in relation to my parents. How does their behavior make you feel? Is there something that you can think of that would clarify your situation or even change the way you feel about it? I ask because you may have the answer that will work best for you inside of yourself. Would you like to talk more about this?
eterntyinanhour9
November 30th, 2019 4:40pm
Parents often set very high expectations for their children. They want so much for us, and so sometimes those desires are too much. They think having high expectations is a good thing, but it's really not. It creates a whole lot of pressure for a daughter or son to try and live up to. Parents don't understand how negative and hard this can be. They want us to live a much better life than they did, and so this is how they compensate. It's their problem, not yours. Find friends who don't have those expectations and try not to take it personally that your parents do. It's a lack of emotional maturity on their part.
MiMercy
January 15th, 2020 4:49pm
I wasn't the favorite child! I tried to be so hard, I changed and imitated the favorite child but it was never enough. I gave up trying to be and then suddenly I became good enough. I was curious as to what changed, was it because I stopped trying? Or because I focused on my self not minding that I wasn't good enough? I honestly can't say. But it didn't hurt no more the moment I decided I was good enough for myself. I'm glad I choose me! Maybe then they saw me cause I wasn't trying so hard again.
Uarenotaburden
November 29th, 2019 11:32am
You should think the way that you are not good enough for your parents . They are your parents and they had loved you, are living you and always will love you for who you are. Yes, sometimes they pressure you and push you further you own capacity/limit but they do this so that you can bring out the best within you. They don't hate or dislike you. And you don't have to be good enough for them. This type of question shouldn't even come up in the first place . You are their child had they love you for who you are.
squidwarddd
February 14th, 2020 8:05am
you are! it might not seem that way but they truly do love and care for you. I feel the same way about mine and I have struggled with many issues bc of that but they will always care about you. I got through this my constantly telling myself that they love me and are proud of me. I think this has helped but maybe think of ways to get that idea out of your head! My parents are not the beat at showing affection so that has caused me to feel unloved which also affected relationships with friends. Try to get the negative thoughts out of your head and fill them with positive things that your parents have done for you! this was really helpful for me and i hope you get through this!