why do i drink all the time when i just fuck up and make me hate myself even more ?

Drinking can help people cope with avoiding the world around you, in doing so you are also avoiding the consequences of your actions to a later date. This is how drinking can become a vicious cycle. You drink and so you fuck up. This is a cause of stress and therefore can lead to more drinking and more fuck ups. It can very quickly become a very damaging cycle so it is important to get out of the habit of drinking when you aren't just looking to have a bit of fun. Do not drink because you hate yourself, drink when you are safe and happy if you want to drink at all.