I am at rock bottom. I messed up and lost the most important thing in my adult life. I don't want to be here again. Please can anyone encourage me?

Don't worry, you got this. Everything changes as nothing can stay the same so whatever you are feeling can get better. You have choices and options. Nothing needs to be done in the conventional way, there are many routes to get to the same place. Sometimes things look bad now but with time, when you look back you realized there was something good about what happened. Give it some time. You will get through this. I am a listener and if you ever need to talk to someone you can message me. I really hope this helps. :) you are stronger than you think.