I'm afraid that i might kill myself if my mother dies. Whenever i get these suicidal thoughts it's always only for that reason and it's just like a whole different person who takes over?

I can understand just how important mothers are in our lives and How hurtful it will feel if our mother's pass away. Tell what is going on with Mom right now? is mom not feeling well? You mentioned in your question that "a whole different person takes over" and think I am understanding that you are feeling disconnected when these scary thoughts arise and that could be offering you support to develop coping skills, understanding grief, and loss, and developing a great social support team for you. It is a wonderful thing to know that there are people, counseling centers and LIFELINE centers 1-800-273-8255 that will offer support in times of loss and grief. You know what! you are also on a great website called seven cups that offers free support and professional support for you as well. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. the seven cups community will always offer a nice and comforting word.