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AbigailMadden
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Tired
PathStep 40 Compassion hearts92 Forum posts32 Forum upvotes69 Current upvotes69 Age GroupTeen Last activeDecember, 2025 Member sinceMarch 10, 2025
Bio

I'm female, 16, bisexual, and plus size. I like playing video games and cuddling with my Yorkie, Nova. My favorite game is Skyrim, my favorite book is Dead of Night, and my favorite movie is Willy Wonka. I struggle with severe depression and suicidal thoughts. My daddy saved my life. 





Recent forum posts
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I think my dad hates me.
Depression Support / by AbigailMadden
Last post
 December 5th, 2025
...See more I think my dad hates me. I have a tendency to accidentally break things, it happens pretty often. My dad gets really angry about it. I don’t do it on purpose, I don’t even know how it keeps happening. It feels like no matter what I do, I destroy things and hurt the people I love. Tonight I accidentally broke something, and when I went back to my room, I heard him yelling about it to my mom. Obviously, I cried a lot. He knows the walls are thin in our house, and he knows I could hear him. It just really hit me hard when I heard him say “she breaks everything she touches”. He’s right. I break and destroy everything I touch. Not even just objects. Friendships, relationships, opportunities, etc. I ruin everything. I’m sick of being garbage.
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I’m back. Again.
Depression Support / by AbigailMadden
Last post
 October 2nd, 2025
...See more The last time I was on here was June 8th. A lot has happened since then, including my 16th birthday which went well, and my beautiful new nephew being born only a few days after my birthday. It’s mostly been good things happening. But obviously, every up has its down. I’ve been in a bit of a funk today. My mom just got a new job, so I’m home alone taking care of school and the dog. I feel really lonely without my mom here. I miss randomly coming out of my room and hanging out with her for a bit. I haven’t had to be alone for a few months because she wasn’t working, and I got used to having her around. Now the house feels too empty.  I’m struggling to find something to do. My usual routine doesn’t seem interesting to me anymore. I don’t feel like reading my usual stories, or playing my favorite games. I plan on doing some baking later, but I’m not really feeling motivated to do it. My sleep schedule has been messed up lately, I have trouble falling asleep at night then I wake up way too late if someone doesn’t wake me up. I feel exhausted and my morning coffee was messed up, so I had to wake up at 5am without any coffee. I’m feeling stressed out by school too. Every day this week, I have to get on a call with each of my teachers and be asked a ton of questions. Problem is, I can’t learn anything. I can’t memorize anything, I can barely do simple math. I cheat in all my classes(except Spanish) to get good grades, and whenever my parents say they’re proud of me for straight As all I feel is guilt. The one thing I’ve accomplished isn’t something I’ve earned, and I don’t want to disappoint them by admitting to it. No matter what I do, I just can’t learn. Not math, not science, not history, not English. I feel like trash, to be honest. I can’t even do the simplest thing. I’m scared for the future, because I know that the truth will come out. That I can’t be the person that everyone wants me to be.
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Feeling forgotten.
Depression Support / by AbigailMadden
Last post
 June 8th, 2025
...See more I know this sounds stupid, but I feel like my friends are forgetting me, and it's really messing with my mind. I've started to notice it in a lot of little things. When I message the group chat, nobody answers, but then somebody else says something and suddenly everyone is talking. They never remember things I tell them, even when I tell them multiple times, which I only excuse with my friend who has short term memory loss because it's not his fault he forgets things easily. The others have perfect memory when it comes to everything else. They never include me in activities anymore. Today, one of them sent like a random friend ranking list into the group chat with everyone's names on it except for mine, and nobody even pointed that out. They always give me the shortest responses to everything I say and make me feel like I'm being annoying. I had left our Disc server yesterday, only one person noticed and messaged me. I felt bad for leaving when he talked to me, so I rejoined just to find out nobody even cared or paid attention when he said I left the server. I try and I try, but no matter what I do I guess I'll always be the one friend that everyone forgets. No matter how much I change myself to try and be more to their liking, I'm always the weird one. I'm always the one that annoys people when they see my name pop up. Sometimes I wonder if they would even notice if one day I stopped messaging them completely. Maybe I will, to see who the real ones even are. But frankly, I don't think anyone will care if I stop talking to them. Guess we'll find out after a day or two.
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How to get back in touch with God?
Religion & Spirituality / by AbigailMadden
Last post
 June 20th, 2025
...See more I’m a lifelong Christian, I’ve always loved the word of God and his teachings. However, lately as things have gotten tough, I’ve been drifting away from it. Any advice for a Christian falling off the path? I want to get back in touch with my religious side, and frankly I don’t know how. I’ve never been one for going to church, and honestly it’s an off the table option because of my schedule, so I need to find other ways to get back into it. I’d love any Christian website suggestions to visit as well.
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It’s been a while.
Depression Support / by AbigailMadden
Last post
 November 30th, 2025
...See more It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I was getting better since then, until recently.  Two of my best friends stopped talking to me. Had some drama with an ex. I was in a relationship, and it was going well, until she cheated on me and then acted like she didn’t do anything wrong. Needless to say, things haven’t been going well lately. And I’ve been started to feel these old feelings coming back. I lost the confidence I gained. Every time I look in the mirror I just want to cry and yell at myself. I hate everything about myself again. The bad parts of me have grown, the good parts have shrunk. I’m started to feel more and more distant. I miss the days when I was so happy to wake up. Now I get sad when I wake up. Sometimes I wish I wouldn’t. Lately I’ve been wanting to fall asleep and never wake up. I’ve always been afraid of pain, but now I like making myself bleed when I pick at scabs. I don’t know why.  The day I had my mental breakdown all those months ago, I thought that was the worst it could possibly get. But I don’t think that’s true anymore.
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A Little Update.
Depression Support / by AbigailMadden
Last post
 March 17th, 2025
...See more I've been doing a lot better since I last posted. I've gotten better at keeping my panic attacks at bay, even though I still have some issues with staying calm. Now for the bad stuff :( Me and one of my "best friends" are no longer friends because she kept saying she had no friends, then she made a post on *** claiming her only friend was a girl she's known for not even as long as she's known me(almost 4 years). In the end, I think she wasn't a real friend anyway. She never treated me right, and she would snap at me whenever I would point out something she's doing wrong. I've also been having some health concerns recently. I get sharp pains all over my body, and I've shown signs of internal bleeding. I'm not being taken to the doctor though, because apparently my parents won't get me checked out until I'm clearly dying. I've never been a fan of going to the doctor, which is why I haven't gone since my brother had a heat stroke five years ago, and I haven't gone for MYSELF since I was six years old. But honestly, I'd like to know if there's something wrong with me that way we can fix it, instead of not going to the doctor and having it be too late. I guess they just aren't concerned about that.
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I'm not fixed.
Depression Support / by AbigailMadden
Last post
 March 17th, 2025
...See more I thought I was fixed. Last night I felt way better than usual after getting things off my chest and doing my music.  I guess I was wrong. I'm now on edge at every second, getting angry at every little thing, wanting to cry for no reason.  Yeah, I don't think I feel better. 
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"Perfect" (I'm doing a music therapy thing I thought of, where I turn my thoughts into lyrics)
Newbie Hub / by AbigailMadden
Last post
 March 12th, 2025
...See more I am worth it, I deserve it I'm not perfect, which is perfect I'm not an angel, I'm not a demon I'm just a girl who doesn't fit in You are worth it, you deserve it You're not perfect, which is perfect God can see me, He can hear me He can save me He can heal me I feel lonely, not alone though I see the sun glow, Feel the wind blow I am worth it, I deserve it I'm not perfect, which is perfect You are worth it, you deserve it You're not perfect, which is perfect We aren't perfect, which is perfect
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