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AdaptableNorth2053
1 790 M Little Steps
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts24 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceMarch 5, 2019
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BF broke up with me & he left me to believe I am the abusive one, needing support.
Relationship Stress / by AdaptableNorth2053
Last post
 June 15th, 2020
...See more My BF broke up with me, not officially. He wants us to still talk in 1 week but I think that our relationship is over. I am dealing with some really difficult emotions. We are LDR, had several fights last month, stopped talking for 2 weeks when I discovered he is covert narcissistic. and planned to discard him. We called yesterday and out of nowhere he was breaking up with me, he said, it's because and I quote: "We are not compatible", "I am not a good boyfriend", "there is no chance", "we have a lot of fights and we can't solve this" and when I share with him my days/ life/ struggles that's "bad energy", but when he does though he is asking for solutions. He also claimed that the distance and not being physically together is an issue, we were in 6 months LDR before and this was never an issue, we invested in time and made it work. He left me to believe that I am the abusive one. I was very open throughout the discussion yesterday, asking questions to understand but found myself in disbelieve and trying to find solutions to make it work, he seemed he has already made up his mind about leaving. Although the last days I was sure about ending the relationship and wanted him to discard me, now that he did It is driving me crazy. My thoughts are not straight, I am doubting my self and everything I believed was true. Maybe I overthought everything, maybe he is not a narc. and that I was not abused. What I'm sure of is that I was not fulfilled emotionally, personally or sexually in this relationship, still, I coped with everything for two years to stay with him because we had dreams together. He made me believe that he wants the exact same life I wanted and I thought we were working together to achieve it. Now I feel that he was never committed, when it was easy it was good (the last 2 yrs we were together in the same study program where we met) but as long as it gots difficult and we are apart, he just doesn't want it. I feel I was used and like an idiot for staying for 2 years, trusting he was committed to me and coping with everything. Im grieving for all the time I wasted on him and I hate that I let him get to decide about the relationship, right to the end. All of this is super hard and has affected my self-esteem. He said there is no chance for us, then he brought up the idea of not talking for a week and then talking as if we were not a couple, to "try to spake something" and see if it can work. I said ok just to get to talk one last time but don't want to spark anything. I am done with this emotional rollercoaster but I want closure, I want him to know how he has been treating me, I wish he could just understand and say sorry and we leave it there but I am not sure he would. I don't know what to think of all this or what to do anymore, I need support! Background info: We were together for 2yrs, he proposed, I introduced him to my parents, in my culture it is a big deal and means commitment. We were starting the process of getting married to be able to move in together in a couple of months. (Excuse my English, not a native speaker)
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After 2 year
Relationship Stress / by AdaptableNorth2053
Last post
 June 10th, 2020
...See more I am with my boyfriend for 2 years and a month now. I am 30 years old he is 29, we come from very different cultural and language backgrounds and countries. IN the past two years we met abroad while doing the same studies, we lived in the same neighborhood the first year, moved in together during the six months that followed then we were in an LDR during the last six months and still are in different countries now for up until February/ March were we plan to get married and move in together in a northern country. This was for the context, so, what happened is that lately, he has been treating me quite bad, I never knew he was narcissistic or anything, however, I experienced his selfishness, lack of empathy and emotional unavailability after the first 6 months of our relationship or the love-bombing period. A week before, I was in a lot of struggle, I was in a deep dark place. I didn't share anything with him at first as he always been insensitive and lacking empathy towards me and my struggles and have no idea how to provide me with any emotional support, but always promised to do efforts towards that. Anyways after 2 weeks through my struggles everything cleared out, I managed to plan how I would deal with everything and then I decided to share with him to have his perspective on the matter and have some words of support. Through a phone call, I made my self vulnerable opened my self up and shared with him everything. He, as usual, stayed silent, worst, said that he doesn't relate to my struggles and started juging, mansplaining, giving advises on how I should and shouldn't do things. We ended up fighting and he managed to suck up all the energy I had for myself. I was drained after that call as I never was in my life, I was upset disappointed, enraged and at the edge of my sanity. But I am grateful that happened! the following day I sent an email, said sorry cause I was yelling, explained my disappointment once more and asked for time to process everything and take care of myself by myself. Since then, I started reading and consulting blogs and YouTube videos and I realized for the first time that he is a covert narcissistic. And OMG everything started to make sense. The love bombing, the energy-draining the degradation and doubts, the gaslighting everything!! I discovered along the way that I am a co-dependent, I know that I avoid conflict, I am a caregiver by nature and almost all what a co-dependent is which made us the perfect fit for each other. Now I am afraid and really don't know what to do, I feel trapped in a golden jail sometimes I wanna go without saying goodbye and sometimes I wanna stay and cope with everything. We share a lot of hobbies and views about things, we have a lot of projects together and have planned our future already like written in shared documents, how many kids we wanna have, their names the name of our sailboat and a whole lot of other details, Another important thing that may help, is that he is my first love, I had few boyfriends before him but I never felt so in love toward any one of them and never slept with either so he was the first and the only one I ever slept with and discovered my sexuality with him. Now I don't know what to do. I told him that the last call made me think and re-assess the 2 years relationship that we've been together and that I am not ready to talk and that I will let him know when I will be. Now it has been 10 days! we never stopped talking for more than a couple of days. I feel that I need to end this silence but with all this, in mind, I don't know how? I know that I don't wanna break up of him, but I know that I am not sure of marrying him or mooving on with him anymore. A lot of people advised to never face a narcissist with the truth as he may hurt you, I am afraid, overthinking and need support! Thank you for reading through
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