After 2 year
I am with my boyfriend for 2 years and a month now. I am 30 years old he is 29, we come from very different cultural and language backgrounds and countries. IN the past two years we met abroad while doing the same studies, we lived in the same neighborhood the first year, moved in together during the six months that followed then we were in an LDR during the last six months and still are in different countries now for up until February/ March were we plan to get married and move in together in a northern country.
This was for the context, so, what happened is that lately, he has been treating me quite bad, I never knew he was narcissistic or anything, however, I experienced his selfishness, lack of empathy and emotional unavailability after the first 6 months of our relationship or the love-bombing period.
A week before, I was in a lot of struggle, I was in a deep dark place. I didn't share anything with him at first as he always been insensitive and lacking empathy towards me and my struggles and have no idea how to provide me with any emotional support, but always promised to do efforts towards that. Anyways after 2 weeks through my struggles everything cleared out, I managed to plan how I would deal with everything and then I decided to share with him to have his perspective on the matter and have some words of support.
Through a phone call, I made my self vulnerable opened my self up and shared with him everything. He, as usual, stayed silent, worst, said that he doesn't relate to my struggles and started juging, mansplaining, giving advises on how I should and shouldn't do things. We ended up fighting and he managed to suck up all the energy I had for myself. I was drained after that call as I never was in my life, I was upset disappointed, enraged and at the edge of my sanity.
But I am grateful that happened! the following day I sent an email, said sorry cause I was yelling, explained my disappointment once more and asked for time to process everything and take care of myself by myself. Since then, I started reading and consulting blogs and YouTube videos and I realized for the first time that he is a covert narcissistic. And OMG everything started to make sense. The love bombing, the energy-draining the degradation and doubts, the gaslighting everything!! I discovered along the way that I am a co-dependent, I know that I avoid conflict, I am a caregiver by nature and almost all what a co-dependent is which made us the perfect fit for each other.
Now I am afraid and really don't know what to do, I feel trapped in a golden jail sometimes I wanna go without saying goodbye and sometimes I wanna stay and cope with everything. We share a lot of hobbies and views about things, we have a lot of projects together and have planned our future already like written in shared documents, how many kids we wanna have, their names the name of our sailboat and a whole lot of other details,
Another important thing that may help, is that he is my first love, I had few boyfriends before him but I never felt so in love toward any one of them and never slept with either so he was the first and the only one I ever slept with and discovered my sexuality with him.
Now I don't know what to do. I told him that the last call made me think and re-assess the 2 years relationship that we've been together and that I am not ready to talk and that I will let him know when I will be. Now it has been 10 days! we never stopped talking for more than a couple of days. I feel that I need to end this silence but with all this, in mind, I don't know how? I know that I don't wanna break up of him, but I know that I am not sure of marrying him or mooving on with him anymore. A lot of people advised to never face a narcissist with the truth as he may hurt you, I am afraid, overthinking and need support!
Thank you for reading through
@AdaptableNorth2053
A seed, it only grows when it gets buried under the ground. It is a fairly common anecdote that people give for support and courage. But do you know about plants, miss. There are plants that give fruit or vegetable under the ground and there are plants that give the same, above the ground. The plants that are grown for their roots, meaning for their produce below ground, have bitter shoots which is the part that is above ground. And the plant that has bitter roots, has sweet shoots. Roots apply for past, or the inside, that is hidden and below ground. And shoots refer to the present or the outside, that the eye can see. During harvest, a plant that is grown for roots, is uprooted and taken out from the ground while the roots are cut away and the produce is gathered. While a plant that is grown for shoot, is sometimes picked or sometimes cut down, but it is never uprooted and it stays there, always. It grows again and gives its fruit for another season, while root plant is replanted from new roots again and then uprooted next season again and again. You are a shoot plant, miss. You have bitter past and inside but you are sweet and God has gifted you with many generous gifts to help others and give, that is the reason for your sacrifices. You have had bitter experiences but you selected to learn from them.
Do you know that when plants and forests stand in peacefulness then sometimes a storm comes and destroys the forests or fields. Sometimes predator insects attack fields and everything is destroyed and there is no hoppe left. But look closely, miss, there is so much life out of this improper destruction. The insects carry the pollen with them, even the predators, and then cause the plants to grow in other places as well, where there were no such plants. Exotic plants are sometimes carried by storms over oceans, their pollen is carried by the strong wind currents and they land in distant continents and are directly responsible for exotic vegetation there. There is even life in this chaos, miss, and if God can carry these miniscule pollens over oceans safely and land them in new places and help them grow a new heaven there, then have faith that God will not leave you alone. We humans, with all our talks and ego and pride, are still nothing. We talk and work so much to do this and that, to earn food, clothes and a shelter. We always worry so much about these things and think that it is our duty and responsibility to do that. But it really is not in our hands, miss, it is God
