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Anon21610
215 M Embraced 2
PathStep 16 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceFebruary 20, 2021
Bio

Random anxiety sufferer on the internet. I'm also a very avid gamer, really like playing games on Steam.

Recent forum posts
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Three long years of dealing with this taking its toll
Anxiety Support / by Anon21610
Last post
 October 19th, 2022
...See more Howdy, it's certainly been awhile since I've needed to go on here again. I first went on this place back around 2021 or so, when my anxiety issues got to a point where I looked into mental health resources provided by my school after I was essentially dropped by the school counselor I was talking to to back in 2020. My panic disorder (Assuming that's very much what it is, as I get panic attacks and high bouts of anxiety regularly plus my ER diagnosis) started back in late 2019 or so during a movie I was watching with my girlfriend. I remember even once going to the ER during school once back when I still had my insurance and getting shamed by my narcissistic mother and my older brother for my issues which made me very reluctant to talk about them back then. It's a very painful, very horrible uphill battle. On one hand, I've forced myself to do extremely scary things I used to be afraid of such as going on flights to visit my girlfriend, jumping straight into a very deep lake despite not being experienced very much with swimming in deep water, and going out into public places I hadn't been to in awhile. However on the other hand, I've become somewhat of a hermit lately, refusing to leave my house unless there's a good reason to (Besides, my neighborhood isn't the safest anyways) and a particularly bad panic attack at my school a few months back has severely crippled me back to the basic fight-or-flight-over-stupid-state I was stuck in before that and I'm finding it hard to escape. If you're REALLY curious to know: I have two types of anxiety right now. The first has been some bad episodes of hypochondria (I'm a childhood cancer survivor) here and there I get over the physical sensations. The second is this... Strange fixation on the idea of falling. Falling to my death. The world falling suddenly beneath me. The world falling and me not knowing it. I don't know, I just feel like suddenly I won't trust the ground and thinking too hard about it at that moment will give me an adrenaline jolt to anticipate the fall I psych myself up for in my mind. I consciously know I'm NOT falling... But it feels like my body is preparing for such an event anyways and it makes me super antsy. The second one is the worst of the two, and it will seriously affect me if I'm in high places like buildings, or anywhere like that. Even seeing videos of people high up will make my body crawl a little, instinctively. I hate the idea of falling so bad it's caused sleep panic attacks due to bad dreams I get about it. After spending so much time and so much effort trying to truly challenge myself, and expose myself to the worst of my anxieties, it feels like this battle has gone absolutely nowhere. I feel like everyone I know has abandoned me, and I feel like I'm all alone in my struggle to just function as a human being. It's hurt my self esteem in such a horrible way, because I'm now at an age where I need to be independent and this condition is keeping me very much dependent and glued to the ground. And because of this, I honestly don't know if I have a foreseeable future anymore. Due to my history, I'm known as one of the most inspiring and optimistic people anybody knows, always smiling in the face of hardship. But it feels like somewhere along the way, thanks to this bullshit, I lost that. In fact, I'm very lost as a person at this point in my life, and I have no clue where I'm going anymore. I want to be normal again, like everybody else, but it never comes. Just feels like I'll always suffer alone.
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Panic disorder - How to deal with physical symptoms?
Anxiety Support / by Anon21610
Last post
 September 3rd, 2021
...See more Hey there, know I haven't posted on here in awhile but ever since I got home from my vacation with my girlfriend in Florida (during which I got over my anxiety surrounding air travel, so that was a big personal victory for me) I've been experiencing a lot of strange physical symptoms that I associate with my panic disorder due to a lack of cause and also because they don't cause a lot of pain but they are disorienting and tiresome to deal with. Let's see, the first thing that starts is usually that I can feel my pulse for some reason across a bunch of parts of my body. That always gets to me because I have never felt this sensation before and it's really uncomfortable to deal with. Then I start feeling physically tired all across a lot of my whole body, sort of like as if I was anemic but it feels more like a sudden weakish feeling that goes everywhere and often forces me to lay down. My body will also either get chills or start feeling hot enough to force me to sweat a little. My muscles will begin twitching in a bunch of different places as well, and sometimes I get tingles in my hands and fingers too. I've dealt with these symptoms for the entirety of the past month and they've been fairly debilitating. They don't really make sense either, as I've been in decent health, have gone outside a lot during my vacation, and I've been cleared for anxiety before during an ER episode I had 2 years prior during which I had fairly similar symptoms and a fast heart rate but both the doctors and paramedics cleared me for any kind of heart problems or anything and told me it was just some kind of anxiety. So yeah, I guess my question to anyone else who deals with these awful symptoms is: How do you keep yourself from getting put down by these physical symptoms?
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Help for dealing with panic attacks on plane flights?
Anxiety Support / by Anon21610
Last post
 December 1st, 2022
...See more Hi, this is probably going to be a really hard question to get an answer for since planes are a big fear of a lot of people, but I was wondering if it's possible to desensitize yourself to the falling/sinking sensation you often deal with when you're flying a plane anywhere. It feels really ugly and it'd be nice if anyone had any advice for dealing with it, since I fly out now to go visit my girlfriend these days and the last time I got really anxious on the plane. I dealt with it by just staring at the ground from outside the window. That might seem counterintuitive, but it gives me something to look at and focus on to counteract the feelings when they hit.
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Hi there, everyone.
Newbie Hub / by Anon21610
Last post
 February 20th, 2021
...See more Tonight probably isn't a very good night to start out on, but I'll introduce myself anyways just to be polite. I go by the handle "Jules", but you can all just refer to me as Anon for the time being since I prefer to keep my identity anonymous. I joined this community because although I haven't been "officially" diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety or Panic Disorder, (I only ever received a diagnosis from an ER doctor during an emergency room visit in early 2020) I have suffered from a constant barrage of panic attacks and anxiety throughout the course of 2019 to present day. My panic attacks seem to come on slowly, like a rollercoaster going up to the top of a hill, and when they hit they can be fairly severe. In fact, I still recall the night of my very first panic attack: I was at the movies with my girlfriend watching the debut of Joker, and I was getting excited for the Murray scene because it was my favorite scene into the movie when all of a sudden I felt a heart palpitation in my chest. In the same moment, I felt like my breath had been stolen from me, and I had a hard time breathing. I tried to wrestle the feeling of panic out, but I couldn't. I tugged on my girlfriend's arm and gave her a serious look to let her know something was wrong, and she walked me out of the theater to drink some water. I told her it felt like something was wrong, but I didn't wanna flake out on the movie because we were enjoying it, so I decided to stick it out until the end of the movie. At the very end, I couldn't take how bad my breathing felt anymore, so we both left and she called up my sister to take us home, where I took a muscle relaxing medicine to calm my nerves. My family and my girlfriend believe that the source of the anxiety was a plane trip I took to Dallas in the June of 2019, when the pilot attempted to land the plane during a supercell formation over Dallas. We were coming down way too fast, and I could feel the violent way the pilot was trying to control the plane against the heavy winds and rain. The descent was like a roller coaster and it made my heart feel like it was going to slip out of my chest and fall on the floor. I was pretty scared and more than relieved when we diverted for Austin in order to wait out the storm, but I didn't feel the same way I did during my panic attacks. Originally, my anxiety was heavily related to hypochondria and health anxiety, but it's evolved into a fear of being away from my home, especially if it's long-distance travel of any kind. I've found that I seem to feel more confident and better overall in the daytime, but at night my anxiety can more quickly escalate into panic attacks, probably because there's less security in my environment and less to distract myself with. I also still get hypochondria from time to time, but I've come to understand that my anxiety symptoms are a product of the anxiety itself so I don't deal with it anymore. Also yes, I can still go on planes, but takeoff does freak me out pretty bad because of the falling sensations. Aside from the anxiety, lately I've felt absolutely fed up with my life because of the stress I experience at home, and failing to meet expectations I have for myself. I frequently have suicidal thoughts and ideations because the thought of being dead feels more relieving than having to continue on with the fact that I never ended up with the kind of life that I wanted growing up. It feels like complete and utter BS to be completely honest that everything ended up the way it has for me despite having been a childhood cancer victim and having grown up in poverty. I also feel like my family and friends don't care about me at all because of the lack of concern from them about any of my problems. I don't regard myself as being depressed, but I do admit that I've been experiencing these bouts of hopelessness and fatigue rather frequently lately. I'll save the rest of that for another post, though. I decided to sign up for this place to see if anyone knows anything that might be able to help me through these troubling times, and maybe if I could use what I know about my own experiences to assist other people like me that might feel the same way. Despite how I've been feeling, it's nice to at least know that I'm not the only one experiencing anything like this. With that said, it's nice to meet you all, and I hope you are all having a good day today. (Or a good night, if it's already that time of day for you.)
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