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Anonymous1975
307 M Embraced 2
PathStep 38 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2019 Member sinceOctober 26, 2015
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Depression Support / by Anonymous1975
Last post
 November 1st, 2018
...See more Struggling with self loathing & suicidal thoughts. I find myself so unattractive, Im overweight, I dont find overweight people sexy or attractive, it just doesnt appeal to me. I used to be lean & muscular, but the last 2 years Ive been so depressed that my weight has crept up & up. Im on 2 different antidepressants & Im still depressed. Ive had ketamine treatment, that boosted my mood greatly but the image in the mirror remains hideous. Im now on Adderall as well which again has helped majorly to rid my mind of the heavy fogginess. But the loathing remains, the desire to end my life because living in this horrible, unattractive, old (Im 43), undesirable, stretchmarked, overweight body is unbearable. Ive tried therapy, but the continuous you have to love yourself bs really made me angry. I cant love this hideousness, especially when Im the one responsible for the weight gain, I ate the crap & didnt work out, its my own fault. & every new wrinkle & grey hair tells me that even if I lost the weight again, Id still be old & ugly. I dont want to ruin my kids lives by taking mine, but I really dont know what else to do to put myself out of my misery.
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Scared of getting help
Personality Disorders Support / by Anonymous1975
Last post
 September 25th, 2017
...See more Hi, been diagnosed with bpd, ptsd & major depression. I'm receiving ketamine treatment at moment with is starting to help lift the depression, as antidepressants didn't work for me, but I'm still left with the horrible suicidal thoughts & self loathing. I have been advised by so many people to start therapy too, but the thought of actually going to therapy is overwhelmingly, paralysingly terrifying. I can't make myself go. I'm stuck trying to force myself to go as I'm told it should help, but I'm rooted to the ground. Any advice on how to get myself there greatly appreciated, thanks
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