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AnxietyDeity
159 M Embraced 1
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2018 Member sinceMarch 23, 2018
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Will I ever feel better?
Trauma Support / by AnxietyDeity
Last post
 July 24th, 2018
...See more For two years, I dated a guy who was mentally and physically abusive. I was not allowed to talk to, or hang out with, anyone without his permission. I wasnt allowed to have friends, even though he would encourage me to. But that was only when he wanted to hang out with his friends. Being with him made me think all of this was normal. That boys shouldnt hang out with girls, girls like me shouldnt hang out with boys. When he found out about one boy, which I did lie about hanging out with because I desperately wanted a friend, he raised a fist at me. And while he didnt throw it that day, I shouldve known to run away. During our breakup, he punched and kicked the walls- even put a few holes in. And ever since, Ive been an extremely skittish and easy-to-frighten person. My current boyfriend had a bad day and while venting to me about it, he was slamming trashcans back into their places (at work) and raising his voice and so I hurried away and had to stop myself from crying or being afraid of him. I dont know if this will ever go away. I really wish it would. I dont want it to affect my relationships or how jumpy I am or anything. I feel like I always have to explain why I am like this. And I blame it all on my ex. So that in turn makes me feel like Im forever scarred by the events with him and that Im forever going to be that girl mentioning her ex. I dont know what to do. I just want it to stop.
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Baby fever unlike any other
Depression Support / by AnxietyDeity
Last post
 March 25th, 2018
...See more About two years ago, I was working and out of nowhere I felt like a brick wall slammed into me, and that wall was the urge to have a baby. The feeling has not died at all, and recently its gotten to the point that every time I see any baby videos on Facebook, I start crying. I cant enjoy places with babies, I cant be happy for my coworker who just had her baby. Shes constantly showing pictures but no one, especially not her, understands the amount of pain I feel knowing that I do not have my own child. It is not like I am infertile. It is simply that I am a young person struggling financially as it is. My mentality makes me feel like a 35 year old, and everyone always tells me that Im mature for my age. My boyfriend says the urge is so bad because it is indeed my life goal, to fall in love, get married and raise my kids to be the best, and most kind human beings possible. I am 22. He is soon to be 29. We couldnt be happier together. But it just isnt the right time yet and I understand that. But my heart aches to love our little creation. He or she would look mostly like me but also like the person who has my heart. There is nothing more miraculous, or more perfect. My heart breaks knowing I cant have them yet, and I dont know how well I can handle crying at every slight reminder of babies.
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Nymphomaniac is the term, right?
Relationship Stress / by AnxietyDeity
Last post
 March 24th, 2018
...See more I cant ever seem to get enough. When I was single, my first dates would be sex filled because that is probably the most important thing to me. My partner must be able to fuck my brains out. If they cant, Im wasting my time. Just how I am. My boyfriend and I work completely opposite shifts, so I hardly see him. Im left masturbating all the time, which is fine. But sometimes it isnt enough and I want to get online and show myself off. I get turned on by turning on others. I send my boyfriend pictures but dont ever get a response other than the occasional screenshot. He loves me with all his heart. But being apart so much really puts a dent in the relationship. So I fantasize about me and one of my coworkers in my office because I find him wildly attractive. You know those plants that gradually creep towards where the sun shines? I feel like those plants but with lack of sex and so I want to grab onto the next available thing which is that guy who flirts with me hardcore every day. He blocked doorways the other day at work to ask me what I had said because he didnt hear me. My heart raced so fast and it doesnt usually do that unless Im on the treadmill.. I cant stop thinking about him and I want him to know that. But I dont want things to change.
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