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Avidaan16
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts43 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes32 Current upvotes32 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2023 Member sinceDecember 12, 2022
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Flashbacks of past incidents
Trauma Support / by Avidaan16
Last post
 January 1st, 2023
...See more Every single time anything somehow triggers memories of my past friends{happens say twice a day at least),I get flashbacks of the past incidents when my friends humiliated me (directly/indirectly) + when they tried to manipulate me with lies( that i discovered later) + an uncalled for general disrespect (which i would never ever do to anyone whom i considered a friend) + most of em consider themselves right to be doing what they are doing to me and have no guilt/remorse. and further call me mentally sick, socially unaware, amongst other things to disown responsibility of their actions. Suggestions are welcome as to how to get rid of this. Self diagnosis= PTSD on an elementary level + Recurring Anxiety Looking forward to knowing tips and tricks to get myself out of this horrible situation. Read next ONLY IF YOU WANNA KNOW HOW I ENDED UP HERE. summarised in 29 points. 1. I had lots of friends. 2. I was really invested a lot in them. (treated them like family?) 3. I fell in love with a girl(was in love since a few years but never had the courage to let anyone else know due to some reasons) 4. One (or more) of my friends after getting to know my interest also had their interests spiked up in my crush. 5. I was not quite aware how life/friendships work, so never thought anyone gonna compete with me for her. (just like i don't allow myself for any girl any of my friends liked first irrespective of whether they are or are not in relationship with them) 6. I took a break from social media due to poor mental health+academic performances+reduced social interactions. 7. Perfect opportunity for them to manipulate almost all my friends vs me, with help from the most toxic friend group of my school. 8. My crush under their manipulation asked for a month long Break (ps- she was active on other platforms and talking to others just not me) 9. Reached the rock bottom of my mental health. 10. Time to time humiliated+insulted by my friends using baseless arguments. 11. after few months, when humiliation to stop me, didn't work.. they began manipulation, but the same result. 12. lost all the faith in friendship more so because i kept it so selfless from my side. 13. sent *** requests to (>200)complete strangers. 14. some were mutuals. they began to manipulate too. Gave up on them too. 15. tried to give a 2nd chance to old friends, hoping they might stay neutral this time. 16. Tried it with every single frnd individually this time. They all manipulated or humiliated or both at least once. 17. Got done with all these past friendships in the blink of an eye.(but obviously after >500 incidents of forgiving em) 18. Look back and regret how people for whom i wanted nothing but the best, the best academic performance(made efforts to help em improve) , the best mental state(contacted by myself to anyone whom i felt might be down, would share a way out of their misery as well as lighten the mood with jokes+memes so much that some even nicknamed me The Counselor), etc. chose to hurt me the way they did despite knowing i was always on the edge mentally. 18. I was prepping for medical exam. 19. all this distorted my mind completely throughout the year. i scored much less than my potential (made a few errors knowingly to avoid going to mediocre college + to avoid giving credit to unnecessary people). Giving the exam again in few months now. 20. realising my mind ain't strong enough to study + deal with this world vs me situation (whereby i m alone and they are all together) at the same time. 21. told people i m seeking a silent and +ve environment to fulfill my potential and make my parents proud (sorta requesting em to stop their mind games if for nothing then for the sake of the past friendship) — nothing changed. 22. Ultimately concluded i was never as important to my friends as they were to me. for em i was just a genius helper while for me they were friends! 23. Gave up on them & everyone else who had even shown once that they have the slightest of roles in the manipulation gang.(basically every school friend i had) 24. Got alone, refilled myself with positivity.. dedicated 1month+ only get into a good mood. 25. Felt like i have regained my old lost childhood self. Never felt this mentally powerful before. 26. They try to call and connect w me.. i never pick up. not that i hate em. but as a self care rule. 27. They spy on my phone with some software i ended up installing through phishing. so it's not like they call me to see if i m dead. they know i m alive and flourishing (for the first time since May 2021) 28. they manipulated my father that i m a selfish person who gave up on his friends for his interests. my father indirectly tried to make me re-establish contact. He failed. I m determined this time. 29. I have no plans to reconnect with them anytime soon. + i still love my crush more than anyone & anything but my family. but few changes in her lately make me believe perhaps i can love her all through my life but if she stays this way, being romantically involved with her would not be liked my parents (uncertain but doubtful hopefully it's just pessimistic thinking and nothing for real) there's a lot more in between the stuff that i wrote too. but that's a quick(not that quick?) summary. Thank you if you came this far. ❤️
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Can my mind mix memories to create dreams?
General Support / by Avidaan16
Last post
 January 4th, 2023
...See more i heard the other day that human mind can't create an image of something that it has never seen... i found it unrelatable because since past almost 2yrs now i have ridiculously out of the world dreams.. i Dont want to believe i m any different from other humans.. so i just tend to believe all those dreams are most likely combination of a 100 or more memories in my conscious and subconscious mind.. id there's anyone who has went through thr same please share. & anyone who is an expert in this may also share their opinion if that fact is correct and have i come to the right conclusion.. thnx ❤️
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I miss my pet.
General Support / by Avidaan16
Last post
 January 6th, 2023
...See more I really wish to let you all know it's been more than 13 years since i last had a pet. it was a male puppy. i had named him say 'x'. Few years back i replied to a question on F b asking me the name of my first pet. it popped up today as a memory. I feel really really bad. i was very young when i had him. he was not as healthy or as strong as others but he was very bold and brave. He was actually newly born to a stray dog, he saved me from a neighbour's dog in our first meeting we were out to play when the neighbour let him free and the dog ran after me, X was also in the playground.. x ran towards him and fought him i couldn't look back but ran to the house.. later on when i returned i saw the neighbour's dog had got x injured.. i was always too afraid to go near animals or touch them because at a very young age a cow attacked me so i asked my brother to take him home.. we attended to his injuries.. my brother and another friend made me touch his skin it was so soft he had bright yellow hairs all over his body he really liked the same biscuits which i did. my parents didn't let him stay inside so he would stay outside in the garden in a warm place we arranged it all. It took me some time to get along with him, for the first few days i only touched him in my brother's or my friend's presence but still i did feed him from far. later on we became best buddies. I don't know if he liked me as well but perhaps he did otherwise why would he fight that dog even before he knew me. and note that my neighbour's dog was the same age but physically superior to x. X was young but so was i, i got too attached to him. i was quite ill at that time and wasn't going to school. so all my time would be spent with him. he would accompany me to the playground my neighborhood friends and everywhere.. my parents weren't too interested in him but they took care of him for me.. X was really playful but he wasn't the typical pet who would listen to his master's every command he was more like a friend to me. sometimes he would go out on his own stroll around in the neighborhood or even far maybe and i would be worried everytime what if he got lost or what if someone took him away as he is so young if anyone offered the same biscuits to lure him he might not be able to resist the temptation.. but fortunately for a month it didn't happen just before sunset he would return always on time.. he was making new friends perhaps with other puppies of his age. one day he again got into a fight with the same neigbour's dog and the neighbour was kinda enjoying his dog beat x. i was mad at him. i even complained about this to his elder sisters due to which my big brother scolded me too but idc wtf would he enjoy his dog hurting my x. but in the postmath of the fight x got real dirty(muddy) as i told you it was winter, it was not right for him to bath moreover i guess dogs hate water too.but my mum made it clear if he has to stay with us he will have to take bath. so next day our house help made warm water for him to bath but he didn't like it at all. he ran away as i told you x was a really freedom loving pet.. so he went away he got dry soon though as it was noon and sun was out that day.. but he never entered my house it was quite an open house so since then for about 15 days he would come to meet me but stand outside the gate and if he saw the househelp he would run away.. but he did allow me to meet himself, he was all nice as always i fed him we talked and we would sit for long hours on platform outside our house sometimes he would sit in my lap too.. he was really soft and smooth.. after 15 days he stopped coming i looked for him everywhere in the neighborhood i never found him i was really sad tbh he was my first proper friend. but few months later i had a final glimpse of him he had quite grown up but before i could walk towards him to touch him he ran away and never returned. i felt really bad all that time he wasn't around at such an young age for a person like me who hated almost all animals, got saved by one and got attached to him.. ever since everytime i see a puppy with yellowish brown fur i see x and i remember him. i kinda blame myself and my family for doing stuff that made him go away.. i still feel so attached to him that never ever for once i entertain the idea of having another pet.. even if it comes to my mind, i just brush it off.. i am sorry x i should have taken better care of you.. if you are still here.. i hope you'll know i still love you and i miss you.. and maybe i regret never having kissed you.. and if you are not here i know you are at a better place maybe you'll find a better friend than me who wouldn't bath you in winter haha.. or maybe someone who would actually stand up for you when you are fighting instead of just watching and crying like me. i hope you'll be there waiting for me. coz we aren't done yet. our friendship deserved to last longer and you will always be my first and last pet noone's having your place. it's yours just yours and always will be yours. more than a pet. my friend. miss you x
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