Flashbacks of past incidents

Every single time anything somehow triggers memories of my past friends{happens say twice a day at least),I get flashbacks of the past incidents when my friends humiliated me (directly/indirectly) + when they tried to manipulate me with lies( that i discovered later) + an uncalled for general disrespect (which i would never ever do to anyone whom i considered a friend) + most of em consider themselves right to be doing what they are doing to me and have no guilt/remorse. and further call me mentally sick, socially unaware, amongst other things to disown responsibility of their actions.

Suggestions are welcome as to how to get rid of this.

Self diagnosis= PTSD on an elementary level + Recurring Anxiety

Looking forward to knowing tips and tricks to get myself out of this horrible situation.

Read next ONLY IF YOU WANNA KNOW HOW I ENDED UP HERE.

summarised in 29 points.

1. I had lots of friends.

2. I was really invested a lot in them. (treated them like family?)

3. I fell in love with a girl(was in love since a few years but never had the courage to let anyone else know due to some reasons)

4. One (or more) of my friends after getting to know my interest also had their interests spiked up in my crush.

5. I was not quite aware how life/friendships work, so never thought anyone gonna compete with me for her. (just like i don't allow myself for any girl any of my friends liked first irrespective of whether they are or are not in relationship with them)

6. I took a break from social media due to poor mental health+academic performances+reduced social interactions.

7. Perfect opportunity for them to manipulate almost all my friends vs me, with help from the most toxic friend group of my school.

8. My crush under their manipulation asked for a month long Break (ps- she was active on other platforms and talking to others just not me)

9. Reached the rock bottom of my mental health.

10. Time to time humiliated+insulted by my friends using baseless arguments.

11. after few months, when humiliation to stop me, didn't work.. they began manipulation, but the same result.

12. lost all the faith in friendship more so because i kept it so selfless from my side.

13. sent *** requests to (>200)complete strangers.

14. some were mutuals. they began to manipulate too. Gave up on them too.

15. tried to give a 2nd chance to old friends, hoping they might stay neutral this time.

16. Tried it with every single frnd individually this time. They all manipulated or humiliated or both at least once.

17. Got done with all these past friendships in the blink of an eye.(but obviously after >500 incidents of forgiving em)

18. Look back and regret how people for whom i wanted nothing but the best, the best academic performance(made efforts to help em improve) , the best mental state(contacted by myself to anyone whom i felt might be down, would share a way out of their misery as well as lighten the mood with jokes+memes so much that some even nicknamed me The Counselor), etc. chose to hurt me the way they did despite knowing i was always on the edge mentally.

18. I was prepping for medical exam.

19. all this distorted my mind completely throughout the year. i scored much less than my potential (made a few errors knowingly to avoid going to mediocre college + to avoid giving credit to unnecessary people). Giving the exam again in few months now.

20. realising my mind ain't strong enough to study + deal with this world vs me situation (whereby i m alone and they are all together) at the same time.

21. told people i m seeking a silent and +ve environment to fulfill my potential and make my parents proud (sorta requesting em to stop their mind games if for nothing then for the sake of the past friendship) — nothing changed.

22. Ultimately concluded i was never as important to my friends as they were to me. for em i was just a genius helper while for me they were friends!

23. Gave up on them & everyone else who had even shown once that they have the slightest of roles in the manipulation gang.(basically every school friend i had)

24. Got alone, refilled myself with positivity.. dedicated 1month+ only get into a good mood.

25. Felt like i have regained my old lost childhood self. Never felt this mentally powerful before.

26. They try to call and connect w me.. i never pick up. not that i hate em. but as a self care rule.

27. They spy on my phone with some software i ended up installing through phishing. so it's not like they call me to see if i m dead. they know i m alive and flourishing (for the first time since May 2021)

28. they manipulated my father that i m a selfish person who gave up on his friends for his interests. my father indirectly tried to make me re-establish contact. He failed. I m determined this time.

29. I have no plans to reconnect with them anytime soon. + i still love my crush more than anyone & anything but my family. but few changes in her lately make me believe perhaps i can love her all through my life but if she stays this way, being romantically involved with her would not be liked my parents (uncertain but doubtful hopefully it's just pessimistic thinking and nothing for real)

there's a lot more in between the stuff that i wrote too. but that's a quick(not that quick?) summary.

Thank you if you came this far. ❤️