BookishBelleG11 Member Profile

...See more Hey there, I'm Belle, I am a newbie here and I’m a 50+ living with a chronic illness that will eventually be terminal, doctors say about five more years is average, even with treatment, however, I am holding my own and haven't declined 🤞🏻. It does, however, limit what I can do day to day, fatigue really is a huge thing for me. I’m lucky to have an amazing, supportive husband, but we don’t have kids, just our fur babies. My Dad passed and my Mom moved in with us before the pandemic. Hubby's a bit older but has health issues himself. He works FT both in the office and remotely, and there is talk he will be returning to being in the office full time in the new year and the office is moving to a new location. He has a little while to retire but we are going to have to move, since we can't afford to stay in our city and are looking at the east coast. I’ve been battling depression and anxiety for a years now, but because of my health, five different specialists have told me antidepressants etc are no longer an option. Therapy’s out too, since it’s too expensive for us right now, our finances are pretty dismal. The freelancing I was doing pretty much dried up...so we're basically trying to get by and I am left trying to manage my mental health on my own with online self-help sites, books etc. I stay pretty close to home, and don't drive. So I am trying to take courses, work on my own projects and create an online business. As for my mom things have gotten even tougher since October 2024 when my mom had a medical crisis/surgery which left her with a form of dementia. She’s had three additional surgeries since, and sadly, she’s become confused and childlike, some days are good, but often she doesn’t even remember my dad’s death or that she lives with us permanently now. My immediate family is really small, just me, my husband , my mom, and her sister (my aunt), who’s terminal. My aunt’s widowed, has no kids, and lives in another city. As long as I can remember I always ran when she needed me, except for now. I have no siblings. Right now, it’s just my husband and I caring for my mom. I feel so incredibly guilty I can’t do more for my aunt, but she won’t accept help and things are getting risky with her health and living conditions. Her best friend keeps confronting me demanding that I step in, but I’m physically, emotionally, time limited and financially stretched thin. She won't accept other help or help herself. My mom means the world to me, she’s been my best friend and my rock. I know she had a rough childhood (abuse etc), so I want to support her as much as possible, and with all the compassion she deserves but honestly, it’s overwhelming. She’s fragile but tries so hard to do what she can for herself. Normally, I get through life with humor and just rolling with whatever comes at me. But right now, I’m so overwhelmed and anxious I sometimes feel like I can’t handle it all. Even getting out of bed feels like a huge effort, and I’m close to tears more often than I’d like. Before my health declined I worked in social services for years, mainly with victims of violence and those with severe mental health problems. I’ve also been through violence and abuse myself, which has left me with moments of PTSD. I’m pretty good at being the person who helps others, everyone looks to me for answers. My closest supports in addition my husband, have either moved across the country and we've lost track, but most have passed away over the past few years (far too young). I always choose to help people when I can but when it comes to helping myself, I’m stuck, I'm exhausted and just a little overwhelmed. Now that I have written this novel...lol I guess, I am feeling lost and looking to hear how others have managed, I know I can't be the only one. Sorry if I am not supposed to do this, or if I am in the wrong place...this is new for me and so incredibly out of my comfort zone. Thanks.

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