Newbie here!
Hi there, I'm Belle, a total newbie to this.
I am 55 year old with a chronic illness that will eventually be terminal 5+ years is avg, although managed I can't do much. I am married to a great supportive man, unfortunately we don't have children, just furbabies. I have suffered depression for a few years but due to my health condition I have had five specialists tell me I can't take anti-depressants or alternatives and we are struggling financially, therapy is expensive so I am left to try and manage via self-help. Recently my incredibly "with it" widowed mother who moved in with us a few years ago had a medical crisis which has left her with a form of dementia. I have no blood relatives left, just my mom, no siblings and only distant cousins so it's just my husband and I to care for her and for the moment a home is out of the question. Normally, I use humour and roll with things but now I feel so constantly overwhelmed and anxious I can't cope, just getting out of bed seems like a challenge. I have a background working in social services, mostly with victims of violence, and terminal patients. I have also experienced violence and abuse myself and have "moments" with ptsd. Oddly, I know how to be on the helping side of things and still fill that roll for friends but I'm stuck when it comes to helping myself. Looking to connect with those who might understand.
@BookishBelleG11 Thank you for sharing ur story! I'm sorry ur going through so much rn 🙁 Sending lots of love and comfort towards you!💝 I wish you and ur furr babies always stay safe 🍀❤️ and you have a great time here!🐾💕 You're Awesome! ❤️
Thanks so much @fossilfellow. I appreciate it. Trying to take it one day at a time but I struggle at times. How are you?
I'm doing alright' and this place is helping me with my mental health ❤️
Good to hear 😊 I think I am going to find the same. Thanks again!
@BookishBelleG11 Hi, I’m sorry you’re going through this. I am a nurse and it’s easier for me to help others than myself. But now I’m getting resentful as I age. I’d like to learn to put myself first. Have you tried making a schedule for self care. That’s what I need to do and actually do it!
@secretPond5013 Yes, I have, with my health I've had no choice but I find I can feel guilty too. I have always been the go to person for everyone in my family and most, if not all of my friends. I do understand the resentment aspect. As my health condition worsened I found friends I was always there for were angry I couldn't drop everything and be there for them. I even heard "I was scared to call you because you always were sad" which threw me because if I had noticed I would try to be there for them, I was avoided by a lot of my "friends". Needless to say I have walked away from a lot of people who I only hear from when they want something which I think is part of self care...for me anyway.
I have chronic illness also and my parents live with me. My stepdad has Alzheimer’s and my mom is suffering with heart failure and diabetes. I’m married to a wonderful man, but he fell 3 stories some years ago and so has chronic pain. So my issues seem to always be put on the back burner and it’s hard. I’m just telling you all this because I can kind of relate. It’s hard. It’s hard to be helping everyone else but not have anyone really helping you. And like you, I can’t really afford therapy or anything like that. I’m brand new here but when I saw your post, I thought I would reply. I hope things get better for you 😊
@intuitiveSpring6586 I am so sorry, yes, I can understand, especially when things pile up...it definitely can become difficult and so overwhelming. I hope your husband is doing better, wow, that had to be devastating. My hubby has a few chronic health issues and although he is better he still has bad days and has to watch it. How are you holding up? Do you find you have any time/energy to do anything for yourself, even if it's a quiet moment with a good book? I've thrown myself into my go to's reading, writing and art, they help, but not enough at the moment. I've accepted my health condition, not thrilled but I can't change anything. My biggest stressor right now is I am still trying to navigate things with my mom and don't want to go and leave her behind for my husband to care for. He loves my Mom and would care for her I know, but he's older and I don't know how he'd cope. I've seen it first hand, my grandmother who lived with us when I was growing up had Alzheimers, and my dad had a touch of dementia near the end of his life I have lived through it before. My mom's came out of nowhere last October after emergency surgery. She was one of the most solid, logical people I know, my rock and now she is more like a lost little child, not sure of anything, my heart breaks for her. How do you manage with your step-dad? How is your Mom holding up? I hope things get better for you and your family, if you need a sounding board, I'm here, I really do get it, and no judgement here.
It is hard dealing with my step father. At this point he does still remember who we are but if you tell him something he forgets in less than five minutes. He asks me the same things over and over. It is frustrating. He also has no memory or anything more than two years back. And sometimes he doesn’t remember that far. We were talking about last Christmas and he didn’t remember anything about that. He also woke up one morning and made a whole loaf of toast. Buttered and everything. Said it was for the kids. There are no kids here 🤦♀️. That kind of stuff scares me but I am just thankful he isn’t mean like some Alzheimer’s patients are. He is kind of like a big kid.
My hubby is good. He can work and stuff but he has a lot of pain that he will always have. And my mom is stubborn. She is ALWAYS eating things and doing things she shouldn’t. It is so annoying!
But, I just do what I can. But I can tell you that I literally get more relaxation on my job than at home. 🤦♀️
But I love my peeps so it is worth it. Just VERY hard because my own health is very shaky. I have PCOS, Sarcoidosis, hypothyroidism, migraines, and AuDHD (which can be very annoying).
If you don’t mind me asking, what are you diagnosed with? I tried to send you a private message but couldn’t figure out how.
I can relate with you, especially today. My Mom, I find is really off today and I am getting frustrated but desperately trying to stay supportive. When I lose my cool she looks so hurt and I feel so guilty 🤦♀️. I hear you my grandmother, my Mom's mother was incredibly violent, thankfully my mom isn't, she's more child-like. She dealt with a lot of cruelty and abuse as a child, I don't want to scare or traumatize her when she's so vulnerable. Tough thing is I'm also with her 24/7. She's prone to getting sick at night because of stomach issues so I have a baby monitor set up so I can hear if she needs me. There has been a few times it has saved us as we were able to get an ambulance for her asap rather than find out in the morning. How is your stepdad's health otherwise?
Before this she was always the one in control with a kind of quiet strength, I forget she's not the same person now and sometimes get angry for the lack of better words.
I'm so sorry, you've got a lot on your plate too health wise. I'm in heart failure due to a congenital heart issue, I have had it since childhood but it only became a problem in my 40s. Before that I led a very busy, active, professional, social and busy life which I guess I should be grateful for. Now, I rarely leave the house. Recently I also developed thyroiditis after COVID X2 (which coincidentally happened around the same time as menopause kicked in - hey, I've always been an over achiever lol🙄😜)
I'm still learning about this app too, I'm not sure how to message yet but if I figure it out I will definitely let you know. I am also seeing if there is a group for caregivers who are in the same boat as us, we are not alone in this...again, if I find one I will definitely let you know. Hang in there! Thanks so much for reaching out again! Sending hugs❤️
So grateful you shared your story, it just depicts how strong woman you are. A warrior, in other words.
May you get the strength to battle around all your problems successfully. Sending lotsssss of love wishes and prayers towards you💝💝.
If you ever feel the need to talk to someone, feel free to connect. May things become easier for you.
Lots of love 🫶
Thanks so much, I needed that. â¤ï¸ ð¥¹
@BookishBelleG11. I can relate to this. I have chronic illnesses. It was already difficult before my long time partner got diagnosed with dementia. That’s really hard that you can’t take anti depressants for your depression.
I'm so sorry you are going through this too, I know we are sadly probably not in the minority. How do you cope? I sometimes wish I could take something and I keep asking but there is nothing new that would work and not cause contradictions. I'm trying more holistic approaches, CBT, journal therapy, meditation...I even took online courses during the pandemic when they had discounts galore. Any method that would help me manage stress. I am just doing what I can.
@BookishBelleG11. I like CBT too and saying affirmations. I find breathing meditations helpful to calm myself down. I keep a gratitude journal to remind myself of what’s good in my life and not only focus on the negatives. Something I’ve been learning here at 7cups about setting boundaries. I had to learn when I’m not feeling well that it’s okay to say no I can’t do that, or at least tell him not right now.. I think that boundaries and saying no when we have to is very important.
Thank you for sharing, my heart goes out to you. Welcome to 7cups.
Thanks so much ❤️
@BookishBelleG11 I am glad communicating with you right now and I want to believe it should put you in a positive mood.
Thanks so much 😊
@BookishBelleG11
I’m in a very similar spot! And my former career where I was always on the helping side of things has made it extremely hard for me to accept help, let alone ask for it. My Husband is a Saint because he has, and continues to do every single thing for me since I am not able to do the smallest thing for myself. I’m in year 4 of the 5 year average life span and just last week was the first time Iwas able to actually stand up! Still haven’t walked, but standing is hugecstart. I finally decided that I am determined to not die like this, I’m at least going to try and fight!! It hurts my brain to focus so cannot type for long but I am here if you ever want to chat, along with many other caring and kind people on 7Cups. WELCOME and I am glad you are here!!
My heart goes out to you, I'm holding my own in 2017 I was told 7-10 was average but I haven't declined significantly 🤞🏻. I'm lucky too, my husband is amazing. He had a life threatening crisis months after we were married and it took him time to recover. I'm trying to stay mindful that he still has challenges, we're finding our balance daily. Thanks so much for reaching out, I am overwhelmed by the support here. I hope you are making progress, remember slow and steady wind the race. You've got this ❤️