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CatDownTheRabbitHole
901 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 56 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts19 Forum upvotes16 Current upvotes16 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2019 Member sinceJune 9, 2017
Bio

Greetings and salutations, to anyone who might see this!
So, I'm completely new to this whole therapy/healthy coping...thing.
From time to time, I've struggled with depression and related issues, including non-existent self-esteem and streaks of social anxiety. Stress has probably already taken a good year off of my life too. I'm either pretty alright and functional, or very much the opposite.
Aside from all that, I'm a 19 year old bisexual lady. Currently in college, working towards a Creative Writing English Major and secondary education teaching certifications. I'm also a huge nerd and love too many books, musicals, movies, and good TV shows to name. My Hogwarts House is Slytherin, I'm a Scorpio, and I have a Pinterest addiction.

Recent forum posts
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How to Get Over a Relationship You Thought You Were Over?
Relationship Stress / by CatDownTheRabbitHole
Last post
 March 4th, 2018
...See more So I'm facing possibly starting a new relationship (of some sort) with a new guy after breaking up with my girlfriend of four years about 2 months ago. If you're thinking, "Gee, that's a really ridiculously fast turn around rate...", well, you're probably right. The thing is, I haven't been torn up about that break up. (I've made another forum post about it, if this story sound familiar.) I just can't tell if that's a good thing or not. It didn't devastate me but I also haven't exactly been "happy" in the wake of being a newly single woman. I've just been weirdly apathetic, and sometimes just super bitter about things. I also haven't really talked to said ex since the fall out. But this past Wednesday I just went out on what was basically a date (even though neither of us really called it one), and on the way back to our college we had a surprise honest conversation about feelings and things: long story short, we're both like each other. This is admittedly new territory for me, and we haven't really decided where and how we want to go from there beyond saying that we would both be willing to "try something out" (which I was already going to ask to take slowly). As thrilling as that is for me, for some reason this weekend, I've been doing nothing but think about my ex and worrying that I'm either doing something wrong, or am going to do something wrong which will end in me screwing up whatever this possible relationship is. I don't know where this sudden episode of being upset and hung up on the past is coming from, but does anyone have any suggestions to try to get over it? Or more specifically, to try to move past lingering on my ex?
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First Time Break Up (And It's Not As Bad As It Should Be)
Relationship Stress / by CatDownTheRabbitHole
Last post
 February 2nd, 2018
...See more So right before the holidays, a little more than a month ago, I broke off my four year relationship with my girlfriend. And I don't think I've exactly been the same since then? But I don't mean that in the way that most people do when they go through a major break up, especially their first major break up (which this is for me). I haven't been upset. I haven't been grieving it. I don't think I've cried once since it happened. Maybe that's because this wasn't a violent break -- no one cheated, this wasn't some passionate and heated separation. After taking some "time off" so that she could start to regularly see a therapist for her own issues and not really talking for a whole semester, we quietly fizzled off. I was the one who initiated ending it because part of the problem (from my side) was that this whole "break" came from her bringing up serious problems she had been experiencing for roughly two years but never bothered mentioning or trying to fix. After that, I really sat on what kind of a relationship I was in and how many things about it didn't make me happy, and I knew that I was going to be the one who broke it off because, as she so pitifully said with teary eyes, she "would always love me." Even still, a month after the almost laughable 13 minute phone conversation that ended a whole chapter of my life, I still just don't know what to feel. I'm angry and bitter, and I'm upset with myself, but also largely apathetic and in disbelief that the person I once said I would marry hasn't spoken to me in over a month. I have been this weird mix of feeling like I don't care and like I've been the one caring too much for too long. I thought I'd be absolutely lost without this grounding aspect of my life in place anymore, but I've honestly been mostly fine -- and I don't know how I feel about that either. I don't know where exactly I was going with making this huge post. I guess what I was hoping that I might get from sharing this whole mess of a story is maybe some reassurance? Is it normal to feel like that or should I be devestated? (And if I'm not, what does that even say about me?) How do you try to pick up the pieces after that? I'd really appreciate it if anyone has any feed back or could even share similar stories or anything. For something that's not been on my mind a lot, I think about this quite often. Thanks, everyone.
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Help Finding Motivation?
Depression Support / by CatDownTheRabbitHole
Last post
 June 24th, 2017
...See more My depression's gotten worse than it has been in a good while, and this time it's namely affecting my behaviors. My motivation to do anything has just disappeared. Normally I'd put off reading books or watching TV shows that I like because I was busy and I'd make excuses for avoiding it, but I'd still find enjoyment from other things. Now I find myself getting out of bed at ridiculous times just because I didn't feel like getting up. Or I put off eating because I can't find it in me to go downstairs or to bother making something to eat. I have things to do and it's taking me far too long to actually do them. Mentally, I know it's not "hard" to do any of these things and I know how little physical energy all of the tasks I put off take. I know that there's nothing "holding me back" from doing anything I want to. But I can't seem to find or feel any drive or desire to do anything. Or, if I make myself go through with something, I get no enjoyment from it. I just sit there, feeling empty like nobody's home. It also doesn't help that then, when a day passes and I've done nothing, I start feeling really guilty for being so lazy - but instead of driving me to do something different, I end up feeling worse and nothing changes. Does anyone have any experience with this themselves or have any tips to break the cycle and regain a sense of motivation?
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