First Time Break Up (And It's Not As Bad As It Should Be)
So right before the holidays, a little more than a month ago, I broke off my four year relationship with my girlfriend. And I don't think I've exactly been the same since then?
But I don't mean that in the way that most people do when they go through a major break up, especially their first major break up (which this is for me). I haven't been upset. I haven't been grieving it. I don't think I've cried once since it happened.
Maybe that's because this wasn't a violent break -- no one cheated, this wasn't some passionate and heated separation. After taking some "time off" so that she could start to regularly see a therapist for her own issues and not really talking for a whole semester, we quietly fizzled off. I was the one who initiated ending it because part of the problem (from my side) was that this whole "break" came from her bringing up serious problems she had been experiencing for roughly two years but never bothered mentioning or trying to fix. After that, I really sat on what kind of a relationship I was in and how many things about it didn't make me happy, and I knew that I was going to be the one who broke it off because, as she so pitifully said with teary eyes, she "would always love me."
Even still, a month after the almost laughable 13 minute phone conversation that ended a whole chapter of my life, I still just don't know what to feel. I'm angry and bitter, and I'm upset with myself, but also largely apathetic and in disbelief that the person I once said I would marry hasn't spoken to me in over a month. I have been this weird mix of feeling like I don't care and like I've been the one caring too much for too long. I thought I'd be absolutely lost without this grounding aspect of my life in place anymore, but I've honestly been mostly fine -- and I don't know how I feel about that either.
I don't know where exactly I was going with making this huge post. I guess what I was hoping that I might get from sharing this whole mess of a story is maybe some reassurance? Is it normal to feel like that or should I be devestated? (And if I'm not, what does that even say about me?) How do you try to pick up the pieces after that? I'd really appreciate it if anyone has any feed back or could even share similar stories or anything. For something that's not been on my mind a lot, I think about this quite often. Thanks, everyone.
@CatDownTheRabbitHole Honestly, for someone stating that they aren't sure how they feel -- I think you stated it well several times. Sounds like you're experiencing quite the mix of feelings/emotions and that's pretty standard post- break up, just seems like you aren't experiencing the break-up quite like you expected to. Life is funny that way, we never know HOW we're going to react to something until that something happens.
@CatDownTheRabbitHole
I have experienced this . Yes , it can be like this . Me too post breakup didn't feel any sadness or grief . Despite mine breakup was forced one (family related) . It is ok to experience that.
I had felt kind of sadness after about 3 months . But it wasn't much intense (I think it was due to loneliness).
PS- my relationship was of more than 1 year .
🙌
Hi catrabbit,
Thank you for sharing your story. Just reading it sounds like it makes alot of sense with how your feelings are after the relationship and even during it. These feelings are pretty common to have.
No I wouldn't personally say you sound feel bad. Why should you feel bad? As you said nothing happened and saw this coming. Your not the first to feel this way in a relationship. Alot of people who ended relationships have had this form of feeling not really seemed as bad other relationships and that don't mean that your a bad person not feeling emotional or sad it ended. We all feel different kinds of emotions.
It sounded like to me you were happy and was content. You both felt the same way from one another and cared and do anything but it seems like you wanted more from her and just needed as you said reassurance to know everything is fine and she still loves you. I can understand that completely.
I can relate so much to that. Last year had a guy who I really liked. We were talking and meeting up. Then realised there was a pattern going on that he would just wanna meet up for one thing but wasn't sure. Despite him saying he didn't and reassuring me it didn't seem like he was reassuring me so I was thinking all sorts of things. He wasn't a cheat or betrayed me but wanted more from him and then when he became distant not wanting to meet up as much then knew something was wrong so I became distant cuz I didn't feel I was getting what I wanted so I started to feel not as much as I did before for him and it fizzled out and I just didn't contact him as much as I did but he came back and started to want to talk and meet again but I just wasn't bothered anymore and my feelings wasn't sad feelings so what I'm saying is your not on your own and you have every right to feel this way. I'm not saying your situation was exactly like mine but similar points in the relationship happened.
Now it has ended. Have you had some time to think what you want and where you wanna be now? You may not but as your out of it now you got time for yourself to do what you wanna do.
You got alot of time ahead of you to do what you missed out on and time to meet new people and maybe have a new relationship.
Please do keep in touch and try and stay positive.