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Cl1ck0fTh3Ba1t
224 M Embraced 2
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceApril 7, 2023
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Demisexual and Trying to Decipher Feelings
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Cl1ck0fTh3Ba1t
Last post
 May 4th, 2023
...See more So I’m Panromantic and asexual. If it also adds any depth I’m a trans guy. I’m friends this trans girl whose a year older than me. For sake of this story I’ll call her Ava (not her real name). We have many mutual friends, but I also have a lot of friends who dislike her. This kind of upsets me because she’s not that bad now especially since she just broke up with her ex-partner. Now in December I went through a hard breakup between me and Ava’s mutual friend and still am getting over him. It doesn’t help we still talk and he’s the person helping me with my mental struggles. Me and Ava hung out this Sunday and I realized that I might have feelings for her, or I think. I have no clue, I mean I didn’t even realize she was trans feminine until this weekend. I thought she was just non-binary. Idk, I kind of felt sour when she brought up that she had this they/them from her old school who had feelings or smth, but she did express how she felt that awkward. I don’t know, am I just trying to get over my ex, am I just friends, or am I like using her to better myself because she said she’d care if I died and that made me realize my thought patterns are wrong. Literally just the fact we’re hanging out tomorrow changed my mood from yesterday in which I cried in every class to now today that I’m happy and smiley and excited. To make matters worse, because I’m unsure, I worry it might cause issues with her ex who happens to be both really close friends with some of my friends and hate some of my other friends. God, she’s really nice and stuff and attractive but idk.
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New and fighting urges (TW)
Self-Harm Recovery / by Cl1ck0fTh3Ba1t
Last post
 May 4th, 2023
...See more So like, hey I’m new here. I just really need support and help. I’m working myself into panic attacks several times a day when I can’t distract myself and right now I can’t distract myself. I know it’s not good for me, and I made a big step a month ago by getting rid of my tools it’s just, I can’t get rid of my hands. Even if I keep my nails short, I can still scratch at my arm. I try to reach out but I feel guilty for constantly going to this one person. He says it’s fine, that if he were sick of me that he’d block me and he’s obviously not done that yet. It’s just, idk, I am constantly hurting. Even my brief feelings of joy are then washed out and I’m back to the bad thoughts. I mean so far I’m clean since like early April? I don’t even remember, I stopped remembering because it hurts more when you remember the streak number when you lose it. I’m sick of these feelings, I’m fantasizing about the bad. I can’t even think about like hanging out with my friends without thinking “what if you puked suddenly” or “what if you just passed out” and god forbid the thoughts about the inevitable. This even happens when I’m like actually hanging out with them too, although less because I’m actually in the moment. I know they care about me and love me, I just have these thoughts because I want them to love me more, to pity me, to take care of me. I want to be better, I want to be, it’s just so hard and I can’t see myself anymore. I don’t know who I am without my pain.
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