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Courageouspanda84
3 273 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts64 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes50 Current upvotes50 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceApril 12, 2026
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........Mmmaaannn......
Friendship Support / by Courageouspanda84
Last post
 May 21st
...See more I just posted this super long thing about needing a freind and bein lonely lol and I dont see it
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Looking to not be lonely any moore
Friendship Support / by Courageouspanda84
Last post
 May 16th
...See more Not sure how to explain my self here i have 1 freind left but he is deported i have another 1 but he moved across the country says he never coming back to Florida plus he has changed do to a mental illness there's a handful that I'd just lost contact with, or they moved on and found other things to do with their lives. I have been betrayed in other ways in ways by people that you wouldn't believe for reasons you wouldn't believe the betrayal is quite literally unbelievable. But it's ok atleast that's what I keep telling my self, but im no btch...but it hurts plus now im lonely. At home my family was all law abiding and good manners but would lie slander and stab you in the back and did not have loyalty to anyone even if it appeared that they did but growing up in the 90s the kids outside where the exact opposite, phk the law, straight up no lie real recognize real it is what it is will stab you in the front..sometimes even actually.thats gone there gone but I took from them strong pride in loyalty and honesty..isn't that worth something and im not an ***..I just wanna chill go to the beach play cards drink a couple cocktails crack some tell some stories talk some spit plot some innocent trouble you know like for later when we're not getting the kids all together,you know a small trusted circle where no one would fall because everyone is each others crutches, you know a small click of like 4 to 8 people that would be acquainted to other small clicks so that if someone said "poker party at yoyo's house with the pool bring the kids" and than there would be an easy turn out of like 30 adults atleast..oh the things we take for granted..and now i have just memorys and stories a backstabbing brother and mother a baby mama that wants to keep my son from me because he's so cute she just wants to have him allllll for her self I have a girlfriend that makes stories up and wants to argue over things that are completely non critical to life like cant even have a conversation of any type of substance at all evvverrr...and she would love to keep me isolated lol good luck im just stuck in the house right now I just dont have my driver's license straightened out yet, gotta pretty good truck though and I cant wait to go to the beach without her lol ....wrecked my life in almost every way possible...tbi and waiting on ssi and ssdi ...and than what...idk...I have my values and personality still.ripples believe it or not I know you cant tell by reading this but im actually a little bit of the class clown I make people laff and make great 1st impressions 4 out of 5 times...neighbors dont know each other any more and i thought I had my friends forever...and family too for that matter.i didn't realize how fake my family was until I got older and wiser.i think I kind of sensed it but didn't want to believe it and than the rude awakening was far far worse than I knew...and now im alone when im with my lady, I dont know any one if I walk outside, I have two freinds I can call but one will just tell me to toughen up and the other cant handle it. It's great when my son wants to hangout with me I love him more than anything but he's 12 (not an adult) i have the Heavenly Father to confide in but I still know im alone...it is what it is I guess.
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Dont know where to start
35 & Over Community / by Courageouspanda84
Last post
 April 20th
...See more 41 m not sure what im doing here not sure if what I may say or how I may say it is appropriate but i'm getting exhausted everybody says they're going through the same thing I'm going through, but when i'm looking at them, they're definitely not maybe that's different in this group, and I could actually reap some real wisdom i don't have anybody that's physically around me that shows any love or understanding i'm not sure where I steered wrong in life to get myself in this situation, I am in i have never been lazy I have always shown love i have always worked hard.I don't drink or do drugs.I don't have any major mental issues that should stop you from being able to complete my goals i'm literally clueless how I wound up in this position in life with these types of people around me or at least made the people around me feel the way they seemingly feel about me. i have a compounding pile of growing issues so vast of issues big and small that I don't know where to start. I'm not even sure if I have the right to put my issues on other people and i'm afraid if I got positive feedback, it would fill me with guilt because i've never got any understanding from anybody it feels like I don't deserve it saying that out loud.I know it sounds like bs but I can't think my way around it, if someone were to hug me so good that it made me cry I would feel guilty for putting that on them it almost feels like if I found true, caring friends and family that I wouldn't be able to accept it because it would be too good for me, I wouldn't deserve it. It feels like my heart is broken so badly it's like its broken 8 ways from sunday not 6 and I am incapable of fixing myself like I need help like I need love that I don't deserve. So i'm stuck and don't know what to do. I pray to God for mercy guidance, knowledge wisdom love a relationship with Jesus to be able to guide my son right and I get mostly silence, don't get it confused.I will never stop trying with that because it's all I know to do. I have a couple diehard loyal friends left from my childhood but they are diehard manly and don't even live in florida anymore one is deported, one lives in massachusetts, one lives in ohio and is now schizophrenic several are dead a couple more that are still in the area are not very good friends i can't get a woman to love me i can't even get my mother to love me i never met my father i'm uncontrollably gaining weight, and i'm losing my teeth i have ptsd and then I also got a traumatic brain injury believe me i know this isn't the worst of issues people have on here but this is far worse and far more issues than I have the energy to put on here my mother is a severe narcissist my baby mama guides my son to be dishonorable toward me my mother guides my brother to be against me and the stories of betrayal that I have about my family towards me and towards each other, the regular average joe just calls me crazy, and makes excuses for what it might really be other than for exactly what it is. so if I try to get understanding I just get shot down as if though like not real..so what do I do just try to move forward and smile as if though like, none of this is happening maybe i'm crazy.Maybe it's all in my mind, maybe it's me misjudging the world but it really seems like the few people I have around me other than a couple of my friends are actually really awful people idk... I want to ask for help, but don't know how to i have talked to a half of a dozen therapists over the last 2 years they have all quit on me after a couple months i know that probably sounds really unbelievable but I don't know what to say that is that it's real factual life i actually feel bad for the therapist or counselors.I don't know which one it is.But people that talk to you about your issues.I feel bad for those people because they hear all these different issues from all these different people i don't like putting mine on them too i just don't know what to do i wish I could feel worthy of a hug i wish somebody would let me cry in there arms for hours and i'm a grown man who has been through prison two times both were fairly violent prisons i don't think a thousand hugs would fix me because I dont think I would be able to accept the love that comes with the hug.... I see people in here asking for love and just blindly receiving it ...wtf is wrong with me that I can't ask for and accept this too
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