Dont know where to start
41 m not sure what im doing here not sure if what I may say or how I may say it is appropriate but i'm getting exhausted everybody says they're going through the same thing I'm going through, but when i'm looking at them, they're definitely not maybe that's different in this group, and I could actually reap some real wisdom i don't have anybody that's physically around me that shows any love or understanding i'm not sure where I steered wrong in life to get myself in this situation, I am in i have never been lazy I have always shown love i have always worked hard.I don't drink or do drugs.I don't have any major mental issues that should stop you from being able to complete my goals i'm literally clueless how I wound up in this position in life with these types of people around me or at least made the people around me feel the way they seemingly feel about me. i have a compounding pile of growing issues so vast of issues big and small that I don't know where to start. I'm not even sure if I have the right to put my issues on other people and i'm afraid if I got positive feedback, it would fill me with guilt because i've never got any understanding from anybody it feels like I don't deserve it saying that out loud.I know it sounds like bs but I can't think my way around it, if someone were to hug me so good that it made me cry I would feel guilty for putting that on them it almost feels like if I found true, caring friends and family that I wouldn't be able to accept it because it would be too good for me, I wouldn't deserve it. It feels like my heart is broken so badly it's like its broken 8 ways from sunday not 6 and I am incapable of fixing myself like I need help like I need love that I don't deserve. So i'm stuck and don't know what to do. I pray to God for mercy guidance, knowledge wisdom love a relationship with Jesus to be able to guide my son right and I get mostly silence, don't get it confused.I will never stop trying with that because it's all I know to do. I have a couple diehard loyal friends left from my childhood but they are diehard manly and don't even live in florida anymore one is deported, one lives in massachusetts, one lives in ohio and is now schizophrenic several are dead a couple more that are still in the area are not very good friends i can't get a woman to love me i can't even get my mother to love me i never met my father i'm uncontrollably gaining weight, and i'm losing my teeth i have ptsd and then I also got a traumatic brain injury believe me i know this isn't the worst of issues people have on here but this is far worse and far more issues than I have the energy to put on here my mother is a severe narcissist my baby mama guides my son to be dishonorable toward me my mother guides my brother to be against me and the stories of betrayal that I have about my family towards me and towards each other, the regular average joe just calls me crazy, and makes excuses for what it might really be other than for exactly what it is. so if I try to get understanding I just get shot down as if though like not real..so what do I do just try to move forward and smile as if though like, none of this is happening maybe i'm crazy.Maybe it's all in my mind, maybe it's me misjudging the world but it really seems like the few people I have around me other than a couple of my friends are actually really awful people idk... I want to ask for help, but don't know how to i have talked to a half of a dozen therapists over the last 2 years they have all quit on me after a couple months i know that probably sounds really unbelievable but I don't know what to say that is that it's real factual life i actually feel bad for the therapist or counselors.I don't know which one it is.But people that talk to you about your issues.I feel bad for those people because they hear all these different issues from all these different people i don't like putting mine on them too i just don't know what to do i wish I could feel worthy of a hug i wish somebody would let me cry in there arms for hours and i'm a grown man who has been through prison two times both were fairly violent prisons i don't think a thousand hugs would fix me because I dont think I would be able to accept the love that comes with the hug.... I see people in here asking for love and just blindly receiving it ...wtf is wrong with me that I can't ask for and accept this too
My name is Christianalexander84 not honest kite
@Christianalexander84 I hear you, I just wanted to say that i read it all. and I'm so glad that you're here with us, and opening up instead of bottling things inside. I won't pretend that I have all the answers or i completely understand how you feel... but i just want you to know that you're still deserving of love, respect and care just as much as anyone else. Your past doesn't have to define you. We're all here for you, and you truly matter 💖 I'm sending you lots of love ❤️❤️
Thank you ...I actually appreciate that like you wouldn't believe, that made me feel like im not just out of my mind ...yea the acceptance made me feel ok for a moment. Or maybe even a little generally better,fr
Thank you
@Christianalexander84 You're so welcome 💖🥰
Hello, and I’m so happy you found no we arent here. A place you can talk about your feelings without the fear of judgement . If by talking to us we are able to make you feel better at least 1% we are happy .
Yea...it actually does...thank you so much....fr
Wow thank you silvina fr that would be really nice I truly appreciate it like you wouldn't believe i need hugs like idk all you guys are melting my heart...
That is really nice of you I wouldn't mind talking to you but idk how to send a message
@Christianalexander84 i hear you, and I think many people understand more than they know how to express.
You are right that not everyone can relate to every kind of pain and some struggles are so specific and isolating, which makes it impossible to explain them to someone who hasn’t lived them. And that can be one of the hardest parts.
From my experience i believe many people carry pain quietly and not everyone has the awareness or emotional depth to recognize the suffering of others even when they have suffered themselves.
And thats a part of why communities like this exist. Because many of us have been in dark places. We know what it means to desperately want someone to be there. not to fix things. but simply to understand.
i agree a hug cannot fix it but it helps, sometimes we are not looking to fix. But being seen, heard and understood can make carrying it a little less heavy.
I wish spaces like this could offer real hugs, real presence, real human warmth. Sadly, all we have here are words, but words from people who understand can mean alot more.
I’ve lived through environments and experiences that are nearly impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t been there. I know firsthand what a violent inmate is like to be around. And what a bad social circle means.
If you stay around long enough, keep reaching out you will find people who understand. Maybe not immediately. Maybe not perfectly. But you will find wisdom, comfort, friendship, support, and people whose stories will remind you that you are not as alone as you feel.
You dont have to carry everything by yourself.