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Cupcakethewolf03
1 134 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceMay 20, 2021
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Sharing how I feel
Personality Disorders Support / by Cupcakethewolf03
Last post
 October 17th, 2022
...See more Hey so thought I would share what I go though idk if I actually have ocd or not because well I've always hated therapy recently I've tried too get in a finally figure out all what's going on/what's wrong but now that I really need the help I'm stuck on a 6th month waiting list to even see a professional. I'm pretty sure I might be tho I've seen my father struggle with it and I do a lot of the same things and the people around me just don't understand they think that I flip out over tiny things but too me it feels like there's a itch I can't scratch and I'm so angry and upset until I can fix it I have specific things that I need done a certain way but also sometimes its completely random like needing something too face a certain direction or haveing to have it center with the room my big thing tho is things facing front and looking even also haveing too do some things 3 times and on top of that I just have these racing thoughts that never go away like I'm hyper fixated on what I call my projects aka building computers and cars or just anything I can get my hands on well that's all the thoughts are thinking millions of steps ahead even if I don't even have said project to work on my brain is just putting together the layout 3d models what exactly I would need too do and it's really draining and when I wanna focus on something else or do basic tasks it makes it so hard especially conversations or remembering things because I'm moving so fast and have no room to think I just can even keep up like it has its bonus ig Im really good at fixing things but it's like everything else other than that is like preforming a impossible task
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Self medicating because the way the health care system works
Addiction Support / by Cupcakethewolf03
Last post
 October 17th, 2022
...See more Well hello everyone I'm hopeful some of you will see this and know your not alone so I've been a drug addict for about 6 years now I started at 13 it was benzos and alcohol for me till I was 14 going on 15 I went too rehab cleaned myself up let me tell you the first year nothing felt right everything felt so off well I'm 19 now and in-between now and then I slipped up a few times but now I'm right back where I was in a way definitely not as bad but still depending on something so until I went into rehab I was on addrall and a few other medication non of them I abused cuz 1 it wasn't my thing and 2 they helped so I didn't feel the need too well after I got out of rehab they marked me down as a addict took away my meds it was all good till I started getting older and the problems those meds where helping with dramatically got worse so I do the only thing I knew too do I self medicted I now have been using meth for about a year not for the high I mean ya sometimes that part of me comes out and I over endulge but this is definitely not what I wanted too be doing i honestly just wanna feel normal and it makes me feel that way without it my thoughts are out of control and sounds like someone turned a volume knob too 11 and taking it makes it so quiet and peaceful I no longer feel overwhelmed 24/7 when I'm on it and it helps with my what I would OCD like if certain things are not my exact way I get so angry and upset and it feels like there's a itch I can't scratch until I fix it it calms it down some doesn't help with my hyper fixation tho like I'm obsessed with working on and building cars and technology or doing research its pretty much what I do 24/7 If I dont have something mentally stimulateing it feels like I'm just empty inside so um ya I wanted too share my experience in hopes that some of you know your not alone in self medicating. And I think the medical system needs a rework like I get it addicts shouldbt get hard drugs but at the same time ik there's others like me that seriously need it like me too just feel normal because our brains are that different
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