Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
DakotaRaven
1 2,317 M Hopeful Heart 4
PathStep 59 Compassion hearts419 Forum posts135 Forum upvotes258 Current upvotes258 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2026 Member sinceJune 1, 2019
Bio

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in
And demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I'll scream 'til I die
And the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

Recent forum posts
DakotaRaven profile picture
Anyone with DID?
General Support / by DakotaRaven
Last post
 September 22nd, 2025
...See more I have a history of trauma, abandonment, so yeah. I have bpd. I had started dissociating really bad. Dp/dr. Losing time. Amnesia. Sleep? Nonexistent. I have been losing a lot of time after losing my support system, including my son because it triggered the abandonment issues. Anyone else with DID? Familiar with lost time? Finding journal entries and videos i dont remember at all. Or co consciousness and the effort it takes to follow multiple thoughts, identities, lives, really of multiple people in your body. It makes thinking very difficult, speaking. Writing. Anyone else ever constantly getting "memory screenshots" they dont remember, the spiral into anxiety at not remembering and the strain of hiding it from everyone for feeling crazy.
DakotaRaven profile picture
Sleep. Why do you elude me? Anyone else up?
General Support / by DakotaRaven
Last post
 September 21st, 2025
...See more I was pretty much fine, all day. Until it was time for bed. Which is late for most people, early for me. 2am. I went upstairs, got into bed, and my heart was beating fast, then seemed to slow to... too slow. I started to feel a shaky feeling inside. Looked for a chat. A meditation. A friend still up. No dice. Put on some spa music. Fell asleep for a bit, then woke with that same heart racing, jittery, trembly feeling. I have had night terrors, and general sleep issues going back to childhood. Its almost to the point, I fear leaving the house, though its where abuse happened but suffocates me too. I also fear going to sleep for the same reason I fear most things, like drugs, alcohol: I am afraid of that moment you are no longer in control of your mind/body. For history: cptsd, bpd, did, trauma. Abandonment is a recurring theme in my life and unhinges me. I wasn't raised by my parents, but in the last 4 years I have had 3 tragic deaths in the family to suicide, an abusive relationship that ended (i realize this should be a good thing but he was also my only support and left), lost the woman who did raise me, my only child, and a new relationship with a classmate ghosted me. When I was involved with the classmate, I was in a freeze state, with dissociation and dp/dr so constant that the did was leading to uncovering the presence of other alters. The abandonment and ghosting of my 2 main supports lead to worsening of the DID. Ive been experiencing switching for the first time and the alters...being known for the 1st time. Its a horrible, anxiety provoking experiencing that I isolate even more than I am, and feel out of control of... everything. I hate to say it but the baby is the worst. She doesn't have the ability to speak at all. She communicates in images and feelings, so thoughts are no longer in words. Which is primarily anxiety, fear, such sadness at having no one. She is very difficult to comfort. The feeling of co consciousness is still so very taxing on my mind and body. I understand this isn't a standard situation so you don't have to understand, if you could just drop a word or two to comfort, I'd appreciate it. The movies the adventures of Winnie the pooh is a great comfort and drop dead Fred. What about you?
DakotaRaven profile picture
Dakota Raven coming undone
Journals & Diaries / by DakotaRaven
Last post
 September 18th, 2025
...See more I feel at this point, things have gotten to the point that I have to journal to record my racing thoughts at the moment before they disappear into mist and then seem surreal. I had a sense of deja vu, and not knowing what has been a dream or actual disconnected events and thoughts.. i seem so detached. I don't know if this is a break, ptsd, dissociation, trauma response or what.. i have reached out for help, but i keep hitting walls. I can be clear enough to communicate it, at the time, but with everything going virtual, it doesn't help the disconnect that follows. How can I follow through if Im not sure of what i said, or if i even said it at all? I wish there was an answer, even if i wouldn't like it. i wish i had the comfort of someone experiencing this, or just someone tangible at all. I said I was going to journal my thoughts to have a record of them, with no thought of the writing or cohesiveness. I am afraid of that vulnerability, and honesty, to be honest. Of being judged, or pitied. But being trapped alone with these thoughts 24/7 can't be worse. I've always loved Alice in Wonderland, but I've found this to be similar as down the rabbit hole, and terrifying. I've taken comfort in, mad people have no thought that they are mad. Because I think about it often, and this is one of the scarier thoughts to me. Being trapped in my own mind, which seems unfamiliar lately. It seems that the times that I've come undone, seem brutally public and in plain sight even if I do feel utterly alone. Watching someone drown. Is how this feels. I'm drowning, and its in plain sight, with no life line to save me. Morbid curiosity, comes to mind. Watching a train wreck. You can't look away. These thoughts make me sad. I believe in God, and I think that there's a reason for this. Putting my faith in man too much. But I've never felt farther from God and man, punished by fear and negative thoughts, which don't come from God, but a darker source, which just creates fear, also not from God. I guess I feel forsaken. I am hoping to get to the root of all this, no matter the stigma.
DakotaRaven profile picture
Can't attach photos
Journals & Diaries / by DakotaRaven
Last post
 April 3rd, 2023
...See more Can someone help me? When starting a thread, there is no option to attach a photo. When replying to someone, Theres a link of a picture, at the bottom. when I click on it, it opens my photo files. If I click on it, it will select it, and I get the spinning icon but it won't attach anything. Not sure what the problem is. Can anyone help me? Is it my phone, maybe?
DakotaRaven profile picture
Hi.... show me your drawings!
Arts & Crafts / by DakotaRaven
Last post
 September 19th, 2025
...See more Whether motivational, just for fun, serious or not, share your artwork here... drawings, paintings, sketches. I noticed a space is lacking, so I thought I'd start. I'm new here, and I don't know how to attach pictures unless you start a thread first. I'm attaching a sketch I did about how I've been feeling lately. Just a doodle, but it makes me giggle, so I thought I'd share.
DakotaRaven profile picture
Random thoughts
Journals & Diaries / by DakotaRaven
Last post
 March 12th, 2023
...See more I have always struggled with feeling alone, and when I was younger, this terrified me for some reason. Since covid, I've seen a lot of changes, and lost a lot of my family and people close to me. I think we have all struggled with this the last few years. Ultimately, people will hurt you, but you have to have faith in yourself but something bigger than you. Faith. God. Whatever you choose to believe that is always with you. Even if you can't feel it. To help you through the times you're going to be hurt. Challenged. Lonely, frustrated, but be grateful for it, because I think a grateful heart is a happier heart. You can't just call on that in the bad times. Be grateful for it all the times, and thankful in the good.
DakotaRaven profile picture
Hey Buddy!
Healthy Living / by DakotaRaven
Last post
 January 25th, 2023
...See more You can totally be my buddy if you totally read that in Pauly Shores voice. If you don't know who Pauly Shore is... we might not be a good fit. Cuz I'm the Weeeeeazel! 🦦 (OK, that's an otter, but they're cute too) Anyway... here's my issues and I thought someone who's also trying to live healthier would be good for each other's motivation and accountability. I'm 46, female, lots of anxiety, with some trauma, depression, bpd, occasional panic thrown in for good measure. I'm long time divorced, so single, mother of a teenage boy, and a dog person. I don't hate cats, but I'm allergic. Cat people and dog people just seem to have different personalities it seems. I would probably prefer a female buddy, but its not required... however, I'm not looking for a flirtationship. I actually want some serious motivation and companionship to make some changes in my life. Into art, nature, photography, music, reading, fun, and overall generally positive outlook. Bonfires, stars, road trips, bubbles, pick up trucks, messy hair or books and tea... thats me. Those things make me happy. And I have a service dog. PIPER. pip pip cheerio. Pipa le pew. 4lbs of mighty miteness! Anyway... out of a toxic relationship, looking to shed about 40lbs or so, for health and self esteem issues. I honestly kinda hate exercising bcs I get anxious when I'm aware of my heartbeat and its fast (I don't have a thyroid anymore, and was hyperthyroid, and that and panic attacks were ways that I knew, so it triggers unpleasant memories).however, I like nature walks, or with the dog, or dancing around to good music on the trampoline, yoga is nice and relaxing and helps with flexibility. I have to watch my blood sugar, and Aic, but overall, I eat pretty healthy. Sometimes I do get too wrapped up in food, and its not good for my pain or belly... so someone who is encouraging to eat right is helpful. I have anxiety, as I said, and I really struggle to get out and about, so I'm not a complete social butterfly. I'm in Pennsylvania, and its downright rude out, weather wise, but hopefully thats going to change soon. I think that's about it... oh. And I'm a night person and have been trying to change that with little luck. So... give me a holler if you're interested in the same, and we can go from there!
DakotaRaven profile picture
Dissociation?
Trauma Support / by DakotaRaven
Last post
 March 18th, 2023
...See more Its very hard to think and communicate what I want to say. My mind is racing, but its a struggle to get the words out. Its like my mind can't do two things at once, honestly.when I do talk, I'm disconnected from it being me, and have a hard time remembering or thinking spatially or abstractly. My anxiety... my whole body is tense, and I'm shaking, sometimes crying, but in my chest, I have a feeling of panic. I have a history of trauma and ptsd, and I've had the disconnect feeling, out of body, it seems, but never like this. I was just in the er for a ct scan, and I think it was a combination of things that made me react like this. I'm wondering if it will pass, or I broke my brain somehow. I'm not sure what the trigger was. Mindful exercises have helped a bit but its too hard to focus and that fact makes me anxious. Its hard to read and comprehend. I was just wondering if anyone else has experienced anything like this?
Search more from @DakotaRaven
Talk to an expert therapist
Hello, I’m Heather. 😊👋🏼 I’m here to provide a warm, safe, and...
Talk to Heather Now
Badges & Awards
25 total badges
First Community First Post Hang 10 Hand Shake Linked Quintet Bubbly Chief Chat Reconnect Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor Community Collaborator First Compassion Helpful heart Kindness personified Loving Soul Bundled Group Chimer Compassion Hero Group Friend Forum Friend Meaghan’s Heart
Report an issue