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DimensionJumper
399 M Embraced 3
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts18 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceMay 17, 2020
Bio

"Unstoppable force and immovable object,
Repel one another when by chance colliding.
The Brownian-Motion within this love potion,
Ensures our opinions are always dividing.
I am from Mars my dear;
You hail from Venus.
A meeting star-crossed
Like the Sun and the Moon.
Destined to let this cruel world
Come between us.
Our last kiss eclipsed by a shadow at noon.

A rose that is built
Out of music by moonlight;
Petals stained ruby with nightingale blood.
Cast down in disgust
To be crushed by a cart-wheel,
Because of mere trivia misunderstood.

We quest for a grail of illusive perfection,
Each hoping we'll find it some glorious day.
Yet gaze with remorse at our jaded reflection,
That looks like The Picture Of Dorian Gray.

And the nightingale sang:
"Sing love's lament
With a thorn at your breast.
Impaled by her barb;
Cruel and unforgiving.
A million dead poets would gladly attest;
Heart-ache's a keepsake
To remind us we're living. "

Siamese Twins who were joined at the heart.
Love's an affliction without a known remedy.
Blunt-bladed fate
Deemed to cleave us apart;
Emotional surgery pays no indemnity.
Some seek release with effete anaesthesia,
Others adapt to the role of sworn enemy.
You found nepenthe in cheap, sweet amnesia;
It was far easier losing my memory.

Skyclad - You lost memory

Recent forum posts
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Still painful
Relationship Stress / by DimensionJumper
Last post
August 3rd, 2020
...See more I don't know if any of you saw my previous post but I'll briefly explain here. I started a relationship with a girl I met online on around the 13th November 2019. Everything was great, I even flew out to meet her. However the problems started when I left, she had previously explained to me how she'd had anxiety problems but not the full extent. On more than one occasion she'd have these toxic outbursts at me and others. A couple of times even downright threatening to commit suicide and petty much blaming it on me. Of course I couldn't deal with this so against my wanting and better judgement, painfully decided to break up with her on the 20th of march. I know not the longest relationship in the world but still enough to effect me. Recently she's gotten in contact to see how I am and note how's she's doing. Including saying how she's potentially found someone new. This still breaks me to hear, it's like a torture every time I think or hear it. Someone that I didn't want to break up with and who I still care for regardless of her comments, is about to get involved with someone else and theres nothing I can do about it being 650 odd miles away. I don't know how to move on from this or stop thinking about it, I feel so lonely at the moment like at the bottom of well, with no way out because I lost a lot of confidence in myself and have a low self esteem.
DimensionJumper profile picture
My predicament
Relationship Stress / by DimensionJumper
Last post
May 31st, 2020
...See more About two months ago I broke up with someone I stil care for deerly, I've been speaking to a counselor about it because it effected me quite badly. The girl I was with I'd only known from the back end of November, she lived in Denmark and I flew out to meet her in Febuary, it was a little after on the 20th of March when it was announced that everywhere was shutting down due to Covid that I decided to break it up with her. She had these (or what I was told) Anxiety based targeted toxic outbirsts at people (inlcuing me), that included pointing out the faults of others, acting a victim a lot of the time and constantly threatening to take her own life. I was not prepared to deal with this, I was somewhat dropped in at the deep end. I thought that being so far away and not being in touch with my emotions wasn't a good idea for her to be with someone like me, more so when we'd be spending far more time away from eachother due to lockdown. I noticed her attacks growing more frequent when she learned I'd not be getting back sooner. I never wanted to break up with her and I still liked her. All of this break up and toxic comments were put aside in the back of my mind until recently (two weeks ago now) she got back in touch with me, things were going okay until she noted how she'd moved on with me and already found someone else. This emotionally broke me to her, it's like everything caught up with me and piled up all at once.. I spent the next two weeks locked in my room crying to myself on and off (I still do at times), not speaking to anyone face to face and not eating/drinking for almost 4 days at a time (I should note I am doing better now). I come to the conculstion that everything that happend was my fault, and degraded myself thining "I am worthless", "I'm not worth anyones time", "nobody deserves to be friends with me" "You'll be forgotten in no time".. you get my point. On top of all of this, I was scared to death I'd be forgotten and I still am. It breaks me on a constant basis to think that she's off with someone else, being happy the way she was with me not too long ago. The therapist looked through some chat logs of mine and my ex's, and (in her opnion, of the therapist) she thinks my ex.. I'll just quote. "I know that it is hard for you to see but she shows a lot of signs of being a manipulative person." "People who are good at manipulation are good at making people feel needed. They have a way of letting others "rescue" them emotionally. Often, they have a lot of drama in their lives and a lot of things that appear to be unfair seem to happen to them. Again, these are people who are in our lives and we do have feelings for them and sometimes love them but they turn out to be toxic to us. In my opinion, that is what I see in your ex. I think she fed off of your attention and played with you." I've been advised by my theaprist and other friends that I'm better off without her, but it'a so hard to forget even if I was mistreated. I don't know what to do really.
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