My predicament

About two months ago I broke up with someone I stil care for deerly, I've been speaking to a counselor about it because it effected me quite badly.

The girl I was with I'd only known from the back end of November, she lived in Denmark and I flew out to meet her in Febuary, it was a little after on the 20th of March when it was announced that everywhere was shutting down due to Covid that I decided to break it up with her.

She had these (or what I was told) Anxiety based targeted toxic outbirsts at people (inlcuing me), that included pointing out the faults of others, acting a victim a lot of the time and constantly threatening to take her own life. I was not prepared to deal with this, I was somewhat dropped in at the deep end.

I thought that being so far away and not being in touch with my emotions wasn't a good idea for her to be with someone like me, more so when we'd be spending far more time away from eachother due to lockdown. I noticed her attacks growing more frequent when she learned I'd not be getting back sooner. I never wanted to break up with her and I still liked her.

All of this break up and toxic comments were put aside in the back of my mind until recently (two weeks ago now) she got back in touch with me, things were going okay until she noted how she'd moved on with me and already found someone else.

This emotionally broke me to her, it's like everything caught up with me and piled up all at once.. I spent the next two weeks locked in my room crying to myself on and off (I still do at times), not speaking to anyone face to face and not eating/drinking for almost 4 days at a time (I should note I am doing better now).

I come to the conculstion that everything that happend was my fault, and degraded myself thining "I am worthless", "I'm not worth anyones time", "nobody deserves to be friends with me" "You'll be forgotten in no time".. you get my point.

On top of all of this, I was scared to death I'd be forgotten and I still am.

It breaks me on a constant basis to think that she's off with someone else, being happy the way she was with me not too long ago.

The therapist looked through some chat logs of mine and my ex's, and (in her opnion, of the therapist) she thinks my ex.. I'll just quote.

"I know that it is hard for you to see but she shows a lot of signs of being a manipulative person."
"People who are good at manipulation are good at making people feel needed. They have a way of letting others "rescue" them emotionally. Often, they have a lot of drama in their lives and a lot of things that appear to be unfair seem to happen to them. Again, these are people who are in our lives and we do have feelings for them and sometimes love them but they turn out to be toxic to us. In my opinion, that is what I see in your ex. I think she fed off of your attention and played with you."

I've been advised by my theaprist and other friends that I'm better off without her, but it'a so hard to forget even if I was mistreated.

I don't know what to do really.