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DreamyINFP22
113 M Embraced 1
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2022 Member sinceApril 25, 2022
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Stuck in my thoughts
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by DreamyINFP22
Last post
 May 18th, 2022
...See more Hello I am sure that I have a mental condition (hoping it is only one problem although I feel having more than one) and I think I am bipolar. My family believes that disorders or being not well is only related to physiological disorders and they do not care at all about mental health illnesses. More than once I do show beneath my words that I need help regarding my mental health but they either turn it into sarcasm, claim I am being dramatic, or even ignore me. The last time I had a mental outburst (or I don’t know what is it called but I was not as usual), I got yelled at and it turned to a REALLY big problem and I got blamed and abandoned for several days when I was in desperate need for help. This was more than a year ago because I decided from that incident that I will have to keep my breakdowns for myself even if this will destroy me more and it actually made my mental health literally worst. I thought having mental breakdowns secretly and containing myself will be much easier than being abandoned or treated as a stranger in the house and my mom completely ignores me (although she is the ONLY literally only person I love and cannot trust anyone except her and she knows how much I am attached to her even more than the rest of the family). But everything is getting complicated more and more as I cannot handle this. To maintain peace within the house, I have to suffer my breakdowns in school and this makes me really weird. I lost my friends as they left me for having multiple depression periods of time over the whole year but I do not blame them. Also I lost my ability to study and concentrate as before although thanks god I still maintain my academic level. The problem is that I really need to visit a psychiatrist or any specialist to diagnose me or help me out with what is going on with me, but I cannot tell my family about this as I am sure they will ignore it or will make fun of me and I cannot handle this type of reaction right now. ps: I suffer depression and eating disorder for continuous 8 months but I hide it all in front of my parents but I am currently unable to continue acting hilarious for more than that. They are even happy that I am being too happy, cheerful, and always sarcastic and think this indicates that I am currently living my best mental state.
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Left behind again
Depression Support / by DreamyINFP22
Last post
 April 25th, 2022
...See more I am being left out again. I know my friends are toxic but I kept going with them to not be completely alone. Although I told them about two girls, who are their friends, that I don’t feel comfortable around them, they insist on pushing me towards them for the hundredth time!!! This is so depressing that every time I try to get closer to them and feel like HAVING FRIENDS they do something that annoy me and they actually know it. They planned for hanging out today, but the place is completely unacceptable for me and my parents of course refused. I asked them if they can change the place because I didn’t see them outside the school since a really long time, but they didn’t even care about my request and ignored the message! Coincidentally I knew yesterday that the rest of their friends (the two girls) will be there. The real disappointment is that one of my friends always try to show me how much she hates these two girls when we all know she IS their friend. The situation itself did not annoy me as the idea that it is not the first time to be abandoned and left behind by my friends for them choosing being friends with others. Although I got used to this (especially that I moved to MANY schools and cities for my parents’ job), I still feel heavy weight that I have such a bad personality and no one likes me. By the way I think I have some interesting sides of my personality but no one wants to discover it. I hope I could find a friend next year in university who knows me for myself not for my high academic level and the benefits they can have from being friends with me.
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