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Fluffball2339
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PathStep 51 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts18 Forum upvotes24 Current upvotes24 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2021 Member sinceOctober 15, 2015
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Anxious towards friends
Anxiety Support / by Fluffball2339
Last post
 November 30th, 2015
...See more Thanks for paying attention to this thread. A few years ago, I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. I'm still in therapy and I have definitely made some progress. One of the problems that I have a hard time dealing with is the interaction with my own friends. I love them to bits, they support me, some of them even help me get out of my comfort zone and make me feel loved. However, I seem to be unable to really bond with them as much as I would like to. I'd like to talk to them about really personal things, because I'm interested in them and I really care about them, but I'm scared that I will make them feel uncomfortable or that I wouldn't be able to know how to respond. For instance, I know that one of my friends is asexual. I recently found out that I am too, so I'd like to know what her experiences are on the subject. How did she found out about her sexuality? Has she been in a relationship before? Another one of my friends has admitted she has been in an abusive relationship. She refers to it from time to time in a group conversation and I wonder if she wants me to ask more about it or not. These are two rather extreme examples, but this goes for mundane things too. "What's your favourite movie?" or "What was your favourite subject in high school?" or even "Do you have any siblings?" (I rarely get the chance to visit some of my friends, so in some cases I haven't met their relatives, while I've known them for over 5 years... Most of my friends are long distance friends who live all over the country. When I do get to see them irl, it's usually at birthday parties or events we're both going to.) In general, I find it hard to initiate conversations or talk about myself too. I'm genuinely unaware that something I experience, can be interesting enough to share. Like if I aced a test and I forget to tell my parents about it. And I don't talk about the things that are interesting to me either. About the first time I saw a live kingfisher, the new show I got into, the video game that I beat, those kind of things. I fell out of touch with a very good friend 5 years ago and I suspect that our sudden disconnection has left me subconsciously wary of opening up to others. We didn't get into a fight or anything, but I was heartbroken none the less. It's really frustrating. I really want to be able to express myself, I really want to bond with my friends like others do. I want to know more about them. I don't want to constantly worry if I'm good enough or what they'll think about me or if I'm actually as important to them as they are to me. So that's basically what's been going on with me for a while. Have you experienced similar feelings? Or do you know anyone who has? Or do you have any useful advice that might help me? In any case, thanks for reading all of this~! It means a lot to me that I have a platform I can share these things with : ).
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