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Fluffheart
1,168 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 78 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts110 Forum upvotes161 Current upvotes161 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceJune 2, 2017
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Am I the only one ? Strange feeling
Depression Support / by Fluffheart
Last post
 February 15th, 2018
...See more Hello there, I was wondering if I'm the only one with a particular feeling, who really make me feel insane. I'm pretty depressed, I don't see a therapist anymore, it was useless, but I take light antidepressants. Everyday, since months, I have this feeling, multiples times per day sometimes, with a clear image and sensation of holding a gun and using it against myself. For a second, less sometime, time stop, I can feel the movement of my arm, of my finger pressing the trigger, the weight of the weapon in my hand... which is ridiculous since I've never hold a real gun loaded. But it feel real, I don't know how to explain this better. It's like a flash, brief and violent. I have suicidal thought, but I'm fighting really hard against it, I don't want to hurt anybody I love, even if I feel that it won't be a big lose for them sometimes. I'm scared by this feeling/sensaton/image/whatever it is because when it happen, I feel relief, and regretful that there no easy way to get a gun in my country. I don't control it, I have no idea where this is from and it really make me feel like I'm losing my mind. I feel really stupide talking about that but it's starting to really worry me. So, is there someone else who experiment this ? What can I do ? Sorry to be so dramatic and pessimistic, thank you for taking the time to read.
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Heartbroken
Relationship Stress / by Fluffheart
Last post
 July 2nd, 2017
...See more Hi, I really need advices. I used to have a friend who I considered as my sister for the six past years. We met online, we used to talked everyday and saw each other a lot after I moved in a city close to hers, where she came a year after. Thing get complicated some months ago, and today we're not friends anymore, she's absolutly indiferent toward me. And since then it's a living hell for me now. I started making nightmars who wake me everynight, when I find a way to sleep. It's less common now, but it still happen often. I'm angry, I'm sad, I'm tired, I'm lonely. I miss her, but I'm not even sure the girl I knew was real, since she change her personallity with others. I miss someone who does not exist anymore, and who's just indiferent toward me. I want to get over it, I want to forget everything about this, but I'm stuck in my flat wher she lived 4 days a week for a years, full of memories. And I'm also traped in this city, far from my home, my familly and my close friends, and I won't be able to leave this place before a year. I was thinking that I would get over it with time, but some nights ago I heard her voice as I was falling into sleep, and obviously it woke me with a thrill. I wasn't able to sleep after that. I feel insane, I just want this to stop and be able to sleep and live in peace without this emotional burden who's slowly kill me. I feel like I'm getting crazy, and I have no idea about how to deal with that, I'm deeply sad and angry all the time, I'm exhausted by this situation and I don't know what to do...
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