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FruityPebbles719
423 M Embraced 3
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2021 Member sinceJanuary 9, 2021
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What to do about my teen son & his therapist
Family & Caregivers / by FruityPebbles719
Last post
 March 15th, 2021
...See more I have a 17 year old son whose therapist has asked me to join his sessions to repair damage and rebuild our relationship. I've joined twice. It's been helpful to share our feelings, but I've been doing this for several years with him (different therapists) and I feel like he pulls the wool over their eyes every time. I'm at the point where I don't want to continue participating or being suggested to do things that don't come from my son, although when he suggests (demands) things from me it's with ulterior motives. I feel like I'm empty and can no longer contribute to his, or our, progress if I don't focus on my own healing first. I want to let her know this but am not sure how other than, "for the sake of healthy relationship I am going to have to focus on my personal rebuilding at this time and will no longer be participating in his sessions". Does this make sense? Am I being selfish?
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Disrespectful & manipulative - stuck between my father & son
Family & Caregivers / by FruityPebbles719
Last post
 March 2nd, 2021
...See more My 17 year old son ran away from home (at the age of 16). My father took him in but in that process enabled and encouraged my son's sense of entitlement. Bringing my son home only proved to create a volatile environment. He was fine and compliant as long as he got his way. If he didn't, he would defy the rules, show disrespect and verbally & physically abuse his siblings/my other 3 children. When we allowed him to get a job, he used that opportunity to seek out associations that were not positive. He started smoking & drinking, lying about being at work. When I held my son accountable to his actions, he ran away...again. Although my father had previously told my son he wouldn't be picking him up if he left home again, he did pick him up. I didn't agree with that because it encouraged the behavior. Eventually my son left my father's house, too, but my father didn't have the decency to call me and tell me. I'm now in a situation - because of my son's decisions when he was out of the home - where the justice system is involved. My father has involved himself, yet again, and has made decisions overriding me, requesting my son stay with him. I'm not even sure why the system would allow that being that he is not parent or legal guardian. My father has disrespected me by overstepping his role in the first place. He also does not encourage my son to respect or rebuild relationship with me. They both blame me, saying I don't love or care for my son - my son even going as far as expressing that I never did anything for him but birth him - my father sat there and allowed that disrespect. Even threw in a few words himself. They have manipulated me into doing what they request in the past. However, when I stopped giving in to their demands and said I wanted respect they seem as they have no idea what that means. There's so much more to this but my current dilemma is regarding a decision that I need to make. My son has a session with a therapist and she has requested my participation, at my son's reluctance. I am willing to participate in support of my son and in an effort to rebuild relationship. However, I feel that if my son is reluctant now, this session should be when he is ready and accepting of my participation. Would my participation in his session benefit the restoration of our relationship? (I feel the therapist would be biased towards what my son has already shared with her.) Or would this add to the feeling I have of being attacked, undermined, undervalued and ultimately losing my sanity? I feel as though I should have my own therapist with all the chaos this brings. Advice...help...suggestions...thoughts???
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