What to do about my teen son & his therapist
I have a 17 year old son whose therapist has asked me to join his sessions to repair damage and rebuild our relationship. I've joined twice. It's been helpful to share our feelings, but I've been doing this for several years with him (different therapists) and I feel like he pulls the wool over their eyes every time. I'm at the point where I don't want to continue participating or being suggested to do things that don't come from my son, although when he suggests (demands) things from me it's with ulterior motives. I feel like I'm empty and can no longer contribute to his, or our, progress if I don't focus on my own healing first. I want to let her know this but am not sure how other than, "for the sake of healthy relationship I am going to have to focus on my personal rebuilding at this time and will no longer be participating in his sessions". Does this make sense? Am I being selfish?
It doesn't sound selfish to me. Not at all. It sounds as though you have been there for your son and you are feeling a little taken advantage of. I get that, totally. We love our kids so much and want them to be well so much, we'll do almost anything to make it happen. But in my case, I have to let my (now grown) son, make his own decisions and live with the consequences. As hard as it is, it does feel better to have some boundaries to protect me. Hope you find some support to help you take care of you. We count too, don't we? We matter, too. We need help, too. You posted a good point. Thank you!
That's exactly how I feel. I appreciate your understanding. Thank you so much for your reply!
I'm certainly no expert, but I am thinking maybe before making your final decision you should let the therapist know everything you've stated here. Let her know you've tried that in the past and you feel like he 'pulls the wool over their eyes' and makes demands of you, with 'ulterior motives.' Plus you're feeling drained and need to heal for a time. Then see what she suggests. That way you can rest assured she understands your point of view, and also knows that perhaps you would be willing to join in sometime in the future. After all, you may be more receptive to the idea at a later date. It's so difficult to handle these complicated issues all the time, and that's exactly what your doing since he's your son. It is exhausting that's for sure, she should understand that.
Thank you so much for your insight. It was very helpful and encouraging. I will communicate what I'm feeling and see how it goes. Hopefully she understands. I appreciate your reply!🤗
You're very welcome and I hope things out with your son. Best wishes!
