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Goatgirl21
1 210 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2018 Member sinceOctober 17, 2017
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How to stop this depression from taking away my love and best friend?
Relationship Stress / by Goatgirl21
Last post
 March 3rd, 2018
...See more Im 18 and this is my first serious relationship. Ive had depression for as long as i can remember that started with my parents divorce and then an abusive step dad. Weve been dating for almost a year and a half.We went through a rough patch a while ago, and because of what I firmly believe was my depression turning into numbness and paranoia again I started blaming him for the reason it felt like I was losing feelings. I saw how other girls(that are friends) made him happy and I got extremely jealous and terrified he was leaving me because of past abandonment issues, so I took it out on him to a point that I couldnt even realize when he was doing the things I told him I needed in a relationship(my love language is physical touch for example) and we almost broke up twice. My mind kept telling me bc you dont feel sparks right now you dont love him even though its not true and he tries to understand what Im feeling and support me and get me to get it out when I can(I have a tendency to shut down and internalize everything). I love him and his personality with all my heart but it seems my mind is picking out what Im physically feeling right now as a deciding factor with my emotions. Around Valentines Day i felt it again for about two days. I actually finally feel In love with him and attracted to him and actually happy, and then i had a dream that I kissed another guy and I felt like I shut down again. Im not ready to say goodbye, what do I do
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Relationship anxiety
Anxiety Support / by Goatgirl21
Last post
 October 25th, 2017
...See more On thing Im constantly worried about is my relationship with my long term boyfriend(1 year). We had a rough bump in the road and argued a lot for a while. I would get upset with small things that I see as ridiculous now but I feel like Ive damaged my love for him in some way. I know in my mind I love him very much. I care about him more than anything. But whenever I am alone and have time to think my mind wanders to things such as do I really love him. He is my only close friend so one of my recent thoughts is if I only want to stay withhim because he is the only person I spend time with/ talk to outside of school event. Even though I know I my mind I care about him very much. This all started with a few big arguments leading to exit what Ive learned is the honeymoon stage of our relationship. I dont quite feel butterflies with him anymore although whenever Im close with him I feel safe and secure and I feel like I can tell anything. Ive read that this can actually be ROCD but this feels so real. Most of these thoughts only occur when Im not with him. Sometimes I get the thought of I need a break from him although as soon as Im alone I miss him dearly. I miss being able to talk to him a lot. Im not really sure what is going on with me. Is there a way I can make sense of these emotions and relax my mind? These have been occurring since about July.
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