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GoingInCircles365
13 24,703 M Aiming High 5
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts1,638 Forum posts332 Forum upvotes403 Current upvotes403 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceMay 27, 2020
Recent forum posts
Do you think most relationships have an "expiration date?"
Relationship Stress / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 March 13th
...See more I've heard this idea before, and maybe there's some truth to it. Do relationships have an expiration date? Most relationships eventually fizzle out. Are we really supposed to make lifelong commitments to a partner, or does this just bring unrealistic expectations? Just curious what other people think about this. Thanks!
Starting over in midlife (relationships)
50 & Over Community / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 March 17th
...See more I woke up this morning feeling... terrified.  I want to wake up every morning feeling like it's the first day of the rest of my life. Make the most of it. Grab the bull by the horns (why would anyone really want to do that???). Make my life count for something. I'm a parent with one kid still in high school, one away in college. I'm divorced. I am currently in a relationship, but it's not going well. I feel a desperate need to let it go finally, as I believe it really has reached its expiration date. But I feel a desperate need to cling to it because of some idea I have that it will somehow get better (it's not getting better!). I think I'm actually terrified of starting over again, but I'm also terrified of being stuck in an unhealthy relationship cycle (no more details needed there, let's just say it needs to end, I just don't want to let it go).  I know I don't need a relationship to be whole. I can give myself the pep talk that everything's gonna be okay. Why am I so scared of letting go of all the anger/hurt/frustration that comes with this relationship? Anyone out there with any words of wisdom to share, please share.  I feel lost and hopeless (about this relationship, I have given my all and i've repeatedly come to the relalization that it's almost like trying to have a relatinship with a brick wall) I feel frustrated and angry (I've put in sooo much effort to try to make this work. But I'm not getting much in return).  I think my partner struggles with depression, anxiety, and a host of past traumas, but they won't seek help. My partner is stuck in a very negative cycle and it greatly impacts this relationship and our ability to have meaningful connections. I can rant forever, but I won't. Thanks for reading and whatever stories you want to share are welcome. :)
Partner of someone who's depressed - any advice?
Depression Support / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 February 9th
...See more Hello, wise community, I am really trying to stay grounded while my partner struggles with depression.  In short, I want to support him as best I can when he's in a depressed phase, which has happened more times than I can count.  I know he is struggling and hurting, it's really obvious. He wants to be alone and basically pushes me away and out of his life for days or weeks at a time. I know this has nothing to do with me and I'm trying not to take it personally, and I'm finding that REALLY hard to do.  It's like I have this best friend who is sweet and loving and fully functional one day, and then he wakes up the next morning in a totally changed mood funk and then spends the next several days barely saying hi or doing anything.  We have already talked about how I can offer support during these times, and it seems all he wants is that I just leave him alone and still be his friend when he resurfaces. Honestly, that's the hardest thing to do, to watch someone I care about struggle like that and feel so completely useless. For anyone here reading this, what advice or insights would you give the people who care about you when you're experiencing depression? Do you hate them during that time? Do you even think about them during that time? Are you just glad to know they're around? Do you want people to offer to help with stuff? Do you just want to be left alone? Do you feel embarrassed or ashamed?  I know everyone's different, just looking for any stories that anyone is willing to share. Any insights at all would be helpful to me (and maybe other people reading this as well!) Thanks so much! :)
Loving someone with a mental illness
Relationship Stress / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 December 27th, 2023
...See more I could write a novel about this relationship and all its ups and downs, but I won't. The basic story: My partner struggles with mental illness and I sometimes really need a reminder that his struggles are not about me. I also have a kid who is a young adult who also struggles with intense emotional ups and downs, OCD, and probably mild depression. If anyone reading this is a partner or a parent of someone with mental illness, how do you cope?  I know I need to take care of myself, and I try. I know that my partner's struggles are not about me, and I try not to take his struggles personally. (He isolates himself until he feels better, and this can last anywhere from a few hours to many days before he's ready to socially interact again, so it feels like I'm being pushed out of his life). Mental illness is wildly unpredictable and you never know what plans or expectations will be interrupted by your loved one's struggles. How do you cope with this? In general, how do you cope with loving someone with mental illness?  I know everyone's story is different, and that's great, just want to know who is out there dealing wtih this stuff and what works for you? Or what are your struggles with coping? Thanks!
Gratitude for unwanted gifts - a question
Positivity & Gratitude / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 December 18th, 2023
...See more It just occurred to me that this is the perfect opportunity to ask a question like this.  It's the holiday season, and I have a family member who ALWAYS and without fail showers my immediate family (myself and 2 kids) with numerous gifts. I realize it's her way of showing us love and appreciation. Gift giving is, without a doubt, her love language. However, she spends a lot of money and time buying gifts that we don't want or need. For years, I have donated her gifts to the thrift store, toys for tots, clothing drives, anyone else who might possibly be looking for these items. I have told her directly (and probably not very graciously) to please not buy us gifts anymore but rather make a donation somewhere. There have been years where she has singlehandedly given my kids more gifts than all their other presents combined. It's really out of hand.  Personally, I feel burdened by all this extra stuff. My kids don't want the stuff. We come home again and they hand me their unwanted gifts and say "here, you can get rid of this, I don't want it." I feel like I spend enough time already trying not to acquire extra "stuff" and constantly getting rid of stuff.  It's actually difficult to feel grateful for these unwanted gifts. I've given up with trying to convince this person to not buy gifts, so now we all just smile, say thanks, take it all home, and then donate it elsewhere. I know there are others out there with similar issues.  It makes me feel a bit grinchy "grrr, don't buy me any more gifts!"  How do you deal with this? What would you do? How do you feel gratitude like this?  I try to reframe it from "all this unwanted stuff in my life" to "wow, look at all these great things I get to donate!" but really, I just want less clutter in my life.  I know she loves us, and I wish she could see that she doesn't need to buy us gifts to get the point across. 😕 Thank you, wise Cupsters, for your insights and personal stories!
Parent of a teen who is questioning their sexuality
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 August 3rd, 2023
...See more I am the parent of a 19 year old who is questioning their sexuality. I really want to be as supportive as possible. They have been questioning for many years, this is definitely not a new thing, but they never want to talk about it. They drop hints, like they sent me a link to the wikipedia page about transgender. I asked if they wanted to talk about it? No. They have left a few little notes on my desk over the years, "I think I might actually be better suited to a girl." I ask, do you want to talk about it? No. So the trans topic comes up perhaps just a couple of times a year, very very briefly, but they never want to talk about it. I'm not really sure how to offer support, other than just being there to listen if they ever do want to talk. I don't want to force anything, I don't need them to make a decision asap, I just want to be a good parent, and I really don't know what to do here. I am trying to read about trans and be as educated as I can be. Anyone have any advice or suggestions? Thanks!
I am getting older, and so are my parents
50 & Over Community / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 February 6th, 2023
...See more I wonder if we could start a conversation about aging parents. I am an aging parent (lol) but my parents are quite a bit older, both alive, in their early 80s. They each have a partner and live independently with their respective partners. Sometimes I'm not really sure what role I play in their lives. Or what role I *should* play in their lives. I am an only child, so no siblings to help deal with issues involving aging. I have talked with them both about estate planning, getting documents in order, etc. Like, please don't wait until you really need this stuff to make sure it's all correct and updated. They both say 'Yeah, okay, I'll do it, thanks for the reminder..." and then they don't do anything. My dad was almost whisked away to the emergency room with life-threatening high blood pressure yesterday, and the whole while he's saying "I'm fine! Leave me alone!" (I wasn't there, he was at a routine Dr. appointment). I think he's in serious denial about his health and he doesn't want to do anything to improve it. He has pills he's supposed to take for the high BP but it turns out he hasn't been taking them for months! In some ways, I just want to let them peacefully live their own lives and make their own decisions. But sometimes I am pretty concerned about the decisions they make for themselves. Is that my business to butt in and say something? Or just let them live their own lives? I dread the day that I think someone shouldn't be living on their own anymore. Does anyone have any personal stories you're willing to share about dealing with aging parents? Anything goes, just looking for stories of what other people have done, successes, regrets, anything. Thanks!
New member, age 50
50 & Over Community / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 February 12th, 2023
...See more I don't know why it feels like such a milestone to reach age 50. Maybe because when I was a kid, I thought 50 was practically ancient. Well, I have just proven myself wrong. 😄 Hello everyone!
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