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GoingInCircles365
1 30,420 M Determined Treads 1
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts2,080 Forum posts466 Forum upvotes703 Current upvotes703 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceMay 27, 2020
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Aging Parents
50 & Over Community / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 September 2nd
...See more I'm wondering, for those who have been though this already, or going through this now:  Brief background: I am an only child. My parents are both in their mid-80s. They are divorced from each other, but each has a partner. They still live independently, but in declining health. They each want to age in place, in their own homes, for as long as they possibly can. I think they are both on seemingly very long waiting lists for continuing care facilities, but at the moment, we don't know where anyone really is on the wait list, we just know they've been on the wait list for several years for these places already.  Now the question: At what point do you decide it's time to "do" something for an aging parent?  My dad, for example, is fiercely independent, and equally as stubborn. He has fallen several times in the past year. Once I came to visit and he was sitting in his front yard but couldn't get up without my help. When I saw him several days ago, he was extremely shaky. I'm worried about him. He doesn't want help. His wife is more able-bodied but wouldn't be able to help him up if he fell and needed help. He refuses to let her call 911.  SO I ask myself, do I just try to respect him and his desire to just live his life in a weak and shaky and unstable state? He's got a doctor appt in a few days, and I'm hoping the doctor will give him some guidance because he's more likely to listen to the doctor, but that doesn't mean he'll actually do what the doctor says. Sigh.  What have you done, or not done, for your aging parents, and how did that work for you?  I know everyone has a different and unique experience, I'm just trying to feel not quite so alone here. Again, I'm the only child, of basically four aging adults (my parents and their respective partners) - and this is going to be a REALLY HARD experience in the near future. Thanks for your input/stories/experiences.
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how do I find a previous listener?
7 Cups Academy / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 August 29th, 2025
...See more I recenly had a good chat with a listener and wanted to come back and leave them a review, but I already "x'd" the chat and I can't find any record whatsoever of my previous listeners. Is there any way I can find that list? I don't remember anything at all about their username, other that it was unusual
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Aging In Place - Home Attributes
50 & Over Community / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 May 2nd, 2025
...See more I'm watching my parents attempt to age in place and thinking about my own future.  I'm certainly learning a lot by watching them. For example: *Don't buy a forever house at the top of a steep hill with lots of stairs * Make sure there are GOOD, STURDY handrails by every single stair-step, both inside and outside. What words of wisdom would you offer someone looking for their "I'm going to live here forever" house? I'm specifically thinking about aspects of home, buying a house, outfitting a house, modifying a house, house location (urban vs. rural), anything that has to do with the physical place where an aging person wants to live. Thanks, wise community with lots and lots of valuable collective exprience!
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Aging Parents - When to step in, when to step back
50 & Over Community / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 February 6th, 2025
...See more My parents are both in their 80s and both have had health scares recently.  Both are living independently. Some days, it seems like all is well. Other days, all is not well.  For example, my dad's wife recently found him lying on the floor, unable to get up. He had probably been there for several hours. She described his speech as incomprehensible, like he was saying things that didn't make sense AND saying them in a slurred and garbled sort of way. All evidence points to stroke. He refused to let her call 911 that night, and the next day, she said he was dismissive of the entire incident. Then he gets mad if anyone brings it up again. He clearly doesn't want help and doesn't want people butting into his life. Yet it's hard to watch someone just struggling and suffering with health issues and the fear of getting older. He's the sort of man who would NEVER ask for directions. He's proud. He's stubborn. He's probably depressed. He is definitely in denial and says "I'm fine!" whenever asked about his health. He goes to the doctor regularly but won't talk about incidents like that. He gets the diagnosis for high blood pressure and then takes his meds.  I want to respect him the way he wants to be treated (which is to just butt out and pretend everything is fine) because that's what he wants. How do you deal with this situation? Just let him be?  Thanks in advance to anyone who replies. I appreciate all points of view here!
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Do you think most relationships have an "expiration date?"
Relationship Stress / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 August 19th, 2025
...See more I've heard this idea before, and maybe there's some truth to it. Do relationships have an expiration date? Most relationships eventually fizzle out. Are we really supposed to make lifelong commitments to a partner, or does this just bring unrealistic expectations? Just curious what other people think about this. Thanks!
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Starting over in midlife (relationships)
50 & Over Community / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 March 17th, 2024
...See more I woke up this morning feeling... terrified.  I want to wake up every morning feeling like it's the first day of the rest of my life. Make the most of it. Grab the bull by the horns (why would anyone really want to do that???). Make my life count for something. I'm a parent with one kid still in high school, one away in college. I'm divorced. I am currently in a relationship, but it's not going well. I feel a desperate need to let it go finally, as I believe it really has reached its expiration date. But I feel a desperate need to cling to it because of some idea I have that it will somehow get better (it's not getting better!). I think I'm actually terrified of starting over again, but I'm also terrified of being stuck in an unhealthy relationship cycle (no more details needed there, let's just say it needs to end, I just don't want to let it go).  I know I don't need a relationship to be whole. I can give myself the pep talk that everything's gonna be okay. Why am I so scared of letting go of all the anger/hurt/frustration that comes with this relationship? Anyone out there with any words of wisdom to share, please share.  I feel lost and hopeless (about this relationship, I have given my all and i've repeatedly come to the relalization that it's almost like trying to have a relatinship with a brick wall) I feel frustrated and angry (I've put in sooo much effort to try to make this work. But I'm not getting much in return).  I think my partner struggles with depression, anxiety, and a host of past traumas, but they won't seek help. My partner is stuck in a very negative cycle and it greatly impacts this relationship and our ability to have meaningful connections. I can rant forever, but I won't. Thanks for reading and whatever stories you want to share are welcome. :)
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Partner of someone who's depressed - any advice?
Depression Support / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 February 9th, 2024
...See more Hello, wise community, I am really trying to stay grounded while my partner struggles with depression.  In short, I want to support him as best I can when he's in a depressed phase, which has happened more times than I can count.  I know he is struggling and hurting, it's really obvious. He wants to be alone and basically pushes me away and out of his life for days or weeks at a time. I know this has nothing to do with me and I'm trying not to take it personally, and I'm finding that REALLY hard to do.  It's like I have this best friend who is sweet and loving and fully functional one day, and then he wakes up the next morning in a totally changed mood funk and then spends the next several days barely saying hi or doing anything.  We have already talked about how I can offer support during these times, and it seems all he wants is that I just leave him alone and still be his friend when he resurfaces. Honestly, that's the hardest thing to do, to watch someone I care about struggle like that and feel so completely useless. For anyone here reading this, what advice or insights would you give the people who care about you when you're experiencing depression? Do you hate them during that time? Do you even think about them during that time? Are you just glad to know they're around? Do you want people to offer to help with stuff? Do you just want to be left alone? Do you feel embarrassed or ashamed?  I know everyone's different, just looking for any stories that anyone is willing to share. Any insights at all would be helpful to me (and maybe other people reading this as well!) Thanks so much! :)
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Loving someone with a mental illness
Relationship Stress / by GoingInCircles365
Last post
 December 27th, 2023
...See more I could write a novel about this relationship and all its ups and downs, but I won't. The basic story: My partner struggles with mental illness and I sometimes really need a reminder that his struggles are not about me. I also have a kid who is a young adult who also struggles with intense emotional ups and downs, OCD, and probably mild depression. If anyone reading this is a partner or a parent of someone with mental illness, how do you cope?  I know I need to take care of myself, and I try. I know that my partner's struggles are not about me, and I try not to take his struggles personally. (He isolates himself until he feels better, and this can last anywhere from a few hours to many days before he's ready to socially interact again, so it feels like I'm being pushed out of his life). Mental illness is wildly unpredictable and you never know what plans or expectations will be interrupted by your loved one's struggles. How do you cope with this? In general, how do you cope with loving someone with mental illness?  I know everyone's story is different, and that's great, just want to know who is out there dealing wtih this stuff and what works for you? Or what are your struggles with coping? Thanks!
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