Aging Parents - When to step in, when to step back
My parents are both in their 80s and both have had health scares recently.
Both are living independently.
Some days, it seems like all is well. Other days, all is not well.
For example, my dad's wife recently found him lying on the floor, unable to get up. He had probably been there for several hours. She described his speech as incomprehensible, like he was saying things that didn't make sense AND saying them in a slurred and garbled sort of way. All evidence points to stroke. He refused to let her call 911 that night, and the next day, she said he was dismissive of the entire incident. Then he gets mad if anyone brings it up again.
He clearly doesn't want help and doesn't want people butting into his life. Yet it's hard to watch someone just struggling and suffering with health issues and the fear of getting older. He's the sort of man who would NEVER ask for directions. He's proud. He's stubborn. He's probably depressed. He is definitely in denial and says "I'm fine!" whenever asked about his health. He goes to the doctor regularly but won't talk about incidents like that. He gets the diagnosis for high blood pressure and then takes his meds.
I want to respect him the way he wants to be treated (which is to just butt out and pretend everything is fine) because that's what he wants. How do you deal with this situation? Just let him be?
Thanks in advance to anyone who replies. I appreciate all points of view here!
@GoingInCircles365. My partner is in his later 70’s and is very strong willed. Some things he is receptive to my opinion and other times he isn’t. In my case I bring up the health problems that he is unreceptive to once and a while to see if he has changed his mind. There are some things that he eventually changed his mind to get checked out. He has some mild memory problems but not to the point where I would over ride his decisions yet. When I feel anxious about it I do some things to help myself calm down.
@GoingInCircles365. I forgot to mention if I suspect a medical emergency I won’t ask his opinion.I would call emergency services whether.
@adventurousBranch3786
Thanks for your reply. That's a tough situation. I know my dad's wife is really struggling with this as well. She desperately wants to help but he just doesn't take a proactive approach to his own health. She did tell him that if something like that happens again, she's not asking for permission, she's just going to call 911.
I hope you're able to maintain good communication with your partner. It seems you have a good strategy for yourself, when things get stressful, you can take a step back and focus on yourself for a while.
Thanks again for your reply!
@GoingInCircles365. I’m glad to hear that she will call 911 without asking in case of an emergency. I feel strongly about doing that too.
@GoingInCircles365 aww bless you, this is a hard situation, and a extremely upsetting one for you I imagine🙁 sometimes when people are independent and a little bit stubbon, there is not a lot you can do🙁 but that doesn't mean you can't ring up for advice. In the UK there's a imergancy phone number, and one for non emergencies but, what should I do kinda thing. hugs you tightly ❤ I wish you and your family happiness and good health ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Hi Tiny, thanks for your reply. Yeah, my dad is definitely stubborn and wants to live his life on his own terms. The doctors think he had a stroke and now he's got appointments for all sorts of additional testing. He's not thrilled about any of that, of course, and he's relying on his wife to make his appointments for him, but if she makes the appointment, he'll go to the doctor.
I think the hardest thing for him is that he's always been super healthy and now suddenly he's having a variety of health issues. Plus I think he's scared.
Anyway, thanks for your reply. We're all just here on this Earth doing the best we can :)
@GoingInCircles365 bless him, ageing and health getting worse, it must be very scary. Thank God he has you and family members to help him ❤❤❤ hugs you tightly ❤
