HappinessSeeker87 Member Profile

Help Me Help Myself

General Support / by HappinessSeeker87

August 29th, 2025

...See more I’m searching for any steps that can help me find inner happiness. Suggestions are very much welcomed from anyone who has struggled or still feels the way I do. I’m a 38-year-old married man who is unhappy with many aspects of life right now. More than ever, I feel weighed down by depression and sudden bursts of rage over the smallest inconveniences. I hate it. I want to change. I want to find peace—not only for myself, but for the people I love. In the past, I saw a psychiatrist, but after a while it felt like the focus was only on renewing my prescriptions for Lexapro and Xanax. I don’t want to live dependent on medication, especially when it often feels like it isn’t truly helping me heal. I love my wife and my family dearly, but I struggle with showing affection. It’s not that I don’t feel love—it’s that I tend to stay to myself, and it hurts my marriage. My wife is beautiful and means so much to me, yet I know our relationship lacks intimacy because of my inability to express it. I don’t fully understand why I am this way, and I want to change. Recently, I started a new job after being terminated from my previous one, where I worked for 11 years. That termination was my fault, and I take full responsibility for it. But in a strange way, I think it was meant to be. I had been unhappy there for years, staying only because of the pay, position, and convenience. My mental health declined during that time, and I became complacent. Now I’m starting over in a new job where the schedule is inconsistent, the pay is lower, and the future feels uncertain. I only have a high school education, which limits my options—not because I’m unintelligent, but because traditional school never suited me. I learn at my own pace, and when I struggle to grasp something quickly, it often triggers my frustration and insecurity. On the outside, I present myself as confident, but inside I’m filled with self-doubt. Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my past. My childhood and young adult years, up until around 2008, were full of happy memories—even though there were challenges too. Looking back, I realize those years were when I felt most alive and carefree, even if I didn’t appreciate it at the time. Now I find myself longing for that sense of joy and simplicity. Responsibilities aren’t what weigh me down—it’s more the feeling that the world we live in doesn’t value mental health, and that “adulting” has become a heavy burden. I’ve always turned to hobbies, like playing softball, as an outlet. But even that has lost some of its joy. My body isn’t what it used to be, and injuries have taken their toll. My confidence in one of the things I loved most has faded, and that loss hurts deeply. The truth is, I feel lost. I hate the rage and sadness that live inside me, and I’m desperately searching for peace. I don’t want to go on being miserable—it’s unfair to my loved ones, and it’s destroying me from within. I am not suicidal, but I do often find myself wishing I had never been born, wondering if things would be better for everyone if I weren’t here. I know my absence would hurt my wife, my parents, and my closest friends, and that’s what grounds me. Still, I can’t ignore how much it stings to feel people fade away from my life, leaving gaps that never quite heal. Each loss chips away at me, and I feel like I’ve reached a point where those stings have built up into something that’s breaking me. I want to heal. I want to rediscover happiness, to show love more openly, and to live a life that feels fulfilling—for myself and for those I care about. I’m asking for guidance and suggestions, because I don’t want to keep living in this cycle of anger and sadness.

Help Me Help Myself

General Support / by HappinessSeeker87

August 29th, 2025

...See more I’m searching for any steps that can help me find inner happiness. Suggestions are very much welcomed from anyone who has struggled or still feels the way I do. I’m a 38-year-old married man who is unhappy with many aspects of life right now. More than ever, I feel weighed down by depression and sudden bursts of rage over the smallest inconveniences. I hate it. I want to change. I want to find peace—not only for myself, but for the people I love. In the past, I saw a psychiatrist, but after a while it felt like the focus was only on renewing my prescriptions for Lexapro and Xanax. I don’t want to live dependent on medication, especially when it often feels like it isn’t truly helping me heal. I love my wife and my family dearly, but I struggle with showing affection. It’s not that I don’t feel love—it’s that I tend to stay to myself, and it hurts my marriage. My wife is beautiful and means so much to me, yet I know our relationship lacks intimacy because of my inability to express it. I don’t fully understand why I am this way, and I want to change. Recently, I started a new job after being terminated from my previous one, where I worked for 11 years. That termination was my fault, and I take full responsibility for it. But in a strange way, I think it was meant to be. I had been unhappy there for years, staying only because of the pay, position, and convenience. My mental health declined during that time, and I became complacent. Now I’m starting over in a new job where the schedule is inconsistent, the pay is lower, and the future feels uncertain. I only have a high school education, which limits my options—not because I’m unintelligent, but because traditional school never suited me. I learn at my own pace, and when I struggle to grasp something quickly, it often triggers my frustration and insecurity. On the outside, I present myself as confident, but inside I’m filled with self-doubt. Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my past. My childhood and young adult years, up until around 2008, were full of happy memories—even though there were challenges too. Looking back, I realize those years were when I felt most alive and carefree, even if I didn’t appreciate it at the time. Now I find myself longing for that sense of joy and simplicity. Responsibilities aren’t what weigh me down—it’s more the feeling that the world we live in doesn’t value mental health, and that “adulting” has become a heavy burden. I’ve always turned to hobbies, like playing softball, as an outlet. But even that has lost some of its joy. My body isn’t what it used to be, and injuries have taken their toll. My confidence in one of the things I loved most has faded, and that loss hurts deeply. The truth is, I feel lost. I hate the rage and sadness that live inside me, and I’m desperately searching for peace. I don’t want to go on being miserable—it’s unfair to my loved ones, and it’s destroying me from within. I am not suicidal, but I do often find myself wishing I had never been born, wondering if things would be better for everyone if I weren’t here. I know my absence would hurt my wife, my parents, and my closest friends, and that’s what grounds me. Still, I can’t ignore how much it stings to feel people fade away from my life, leaving gaps that never quite heal. Each loss chips away at me, and I feel like I’ve reached a point where those stings have built up into something that’s breaking me. I want to heal. I want to rediscover happiness, to show love more openly, and to live a life that feels fulfilling—for myself and for those I care about. I’m asking for guidance and suggestions, because I don’t want to keep living in this cycle of anger and sadness.

Just A Man Seeking Help

Around the World / by HappinessSeeker87

October 28th, 2025

...See more I’m searching for any steps that can help me find inner happiness. Suggestions are very much welcomed from anyone who has struggled or still feels the way I do. I’m a 38-year-old married man who is unhappy with many aspects of life right now. More than ever, I feel weighed down by depression and sudden bursts of rage over the smallest inconveniences. I hate it. I want to change. I want to find peace—not only for myself, but for the people I love. In the past, I saw a psychiatrist, but after a while it felt like the focus was only on renewing my prescriptions for Lexapro and Xanax. I don’t want to live dependent on medication, especially when it often feels like it isn’t truly helping me heal. I love my wife and my family dearly, but I struggle with showing affection. It’s not that I don’t feel love—it’s that I tend to stay to myself, and it hurts my marriage. My wife is beautiful and means so much to me, yet I know our relationship lacks intimacy because of my inability to express it. I don’t fully understand why I am this way, and I want to change. Recently, I started a new job after being terminated from my previous one, where I worked for 11 years. That termination was my fault, and I take full responsibility for it. But in a strange way, I think it was meant to be. I had been unhappy there for years, staying only because of the pay, position, and convenience. My mental health declined during that time, and I became complacent. Now I’m starting over in a new job where the schedule is inconsistent, the pay is lower, and the future feels uncertain. I only have a high school education, which limits my options—not because I’m unintelligent, but because traditional school never suited me. I learn at my own pace, and when I struggle to grasp something quickly, it often triggers my frustration and insecurity. On the outside, I present myself as confident, but inside I’m filled with self-doubt. Lately, I’ve been reflecting a lot on my past. My childhood and young adult years, up until around 2008, were full of happy memories—even though there were challenges too. Looking back, I realize those years were when I felt most alive and carefree, even if I didn’t appreciate it at the time. Now I find myself longing for that sense of joy and simplicity. Responsibilities aren’t what weigh me down—it’s more the feeling that the world we live in doesn’t value mental health, and that “adulting” has become a heavy burden. I’ve always turned to hobbies, like playing softball, as an outlet. But even that has lost some of its joy. My body isn’t what it used to be, and injuries have taken their toll. My confidence in one of the things I loved most has faded, and that loss hurts deeply. The truth is, I feel lost. I hate the rage and sadness that live inside me, and I’m desperately searching for peace. I don’t want to go on being miserable—it’s unfair to my loved ones, and it’s destroying me from within. I am not suicidal, but I do often find myself wishing I had never been born, wondering if things would be better for everyone if I weren’t here. I know my absence would hurt my wife, my parents, and my closest friends, and that’s what grounds me. Still, I can’t ignore how much it stings to feel people fade away from my life, leaving gaps that never quite heal. Each loss chips away at me, and I feel like I’ve reached a point where those stings have built up into something that’s breaking me. I want to heal. I want to rediscover happiness, to show love more openly, and to live a life that feels fulfilling—for myself and for those I care about. I’m asking for guidance and suggestions, because I don’t want to keep living in this cycle of anger and sadness. Please help me in helping myself

Any Suggestions Are Welcomed

Depression Support / by HappinessSeeker87

August 30th, 2025

New Member Just Looking For Happiness

Depression Support / by HappinessSeeker87

August 28th, 2025

...See more Good evening everyone! I am brand new here, so I apologize if this isn’t traditional or what I am supposed to do, but I am seeking help in any way. I’m 38 years old, married, have suffered from depression for more years than I can remember. I went to a psychiatrist about 9 years ago, and it helped for a bit, but eventually it just became a conversation to approve my medication of Xanax & Lexipro. Now, I am looking for a new set of ears & perspectives. Truth is I know where my depression issues stemmed from, and that is ok. What I am seeking is HAPPINESS! I am no good for anyone, especially myself if I can’t find something to help. I am more often than not just filled with rage, growing increasingly angered by the slightest inconvenience. I hate it. I hate being so bothered and easily triggered. I have hobbies, like sports that help me, but even now, I am more angered & sad that I’m not as talented as I once was. I love my family & wife, but I’m not affectionate at all. It’s not that I don’t love, I’m just very much to myself if that makes sense? I was just recently hired at a new job with a fluctuating schedule, which isn’t great for my marriage, but I had to take a job fast. I was terminated after 11 years of work from my previous job due to a lapse of judgment on my part, which WAS MY FAULT, and I understood the decision. However, I was in a management position making decent wages. Now, financially and work to life wise; it’s a total demotion from where I was. Weirdly enough though, I think my termination was meant to be. I had hit my ceiling with no more growth left (despite the company telling me there was, but absolutely false). Even at my previous job, I wasn’t happy and openly admit that I only stayed as long as I did so due to the pay, proximity, and realistically the position of management I was in. But during those eleven years, my mental health PLUMMETED. I only have a High School education which limits my options to employers. It is not that I am unintelligent, but school just wasn’t for me. If I don’t grasp something instantly, I beat myself up and give up easily. I have a self-defeating personality disorder as per my psychiatrist. Which certainly adds up in certain areas of my life. I know I am capable of doing better things from a workplace, but I just need the chance to be taken on me! When I get really down on myself, I start thinking my life isn’t worth living, or how better off it be if I wasn’t born! I’m not suicidal, but definitely question why this pain inside will not go away…that isn’t fair to my wife, family, and most importantly myself! I want to rid my mind of these emotions. So many days in recent months, I have just been reminiscing of my childhood, nostalgic looks back at a time where I was actually HAPPY, though I didn’t know it at the time. I had downs then too, and a lot of my issues do stem from my youth, but it was overall pretty good! I’m not sure why I am so infatuated with those days, but it definitely has been occurring a lot as of late. I know it’s a lot to read, and understand if it’s too much to process, but any suggestions to find my happiness or inner peace from others who may feel the same would be greatly appreciated! I have to change now before it’s too late. Any recommendations are very welcomed! Please help me help myself! Thank You!

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