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Honestlytweaking
140 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 13, 2024
Bio

6teen

I tattoo, draw and play bass guitar :o)

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Loving someone so far
Relationship Stress / by Honestlytweaking
Last post
 January 13th, 2024
...See more Now, I never actually thought id fall in love with someone online. I have ALWAYS found online dating a funny things until I met him. I genuinely love him. I was dating this lovely person who I was deeply in love in but they wanted to open the relationship up and I couldn’t do it. I feel the same love I had for them with him but even more somehow. We both admitted to having feelings for eachother and its funny as he also makes fun of online daters. It breaks my heart knowing he is literally across the world. He is so pretty and such a great soul. I honestly hate how inlove with him I am. We call 6 out of 7 days ranging from 1-33 hours per call. I have to start school in person again and I am scared I won’t be able to get to talk to him much. he is trying to come down to see me all the way from england to Canada. His mom is even on board and so is my mom. (Also yes I know he is not a catfish as I have seen his moms ***, picture of him as a kid, pictures from his year book etc.) He just genuinely cares about me and im just so *** in love with him I cant. I never thought id be talking about a guy who lives across the world. I tried to date my other crushes bit it did not feel right. I genuinely want a future with him. I want to make it official with him as we literally both admitted to liking eachother etc just issue is id be hidden from his friends as he goes to a private school and his friends are servely homophobic. sorry for rambling and also TW for sexual assault and rape! i was abused for 7+ years growing up by my friend group of cis males. For years since I was never comfortable around cis men even though I am bisexual. It was until I met him I felt safe again. I know he wouldn’t hurt me and it makes me sob knowing he wouldn’t. I know that sounds so stupid and like the bare minimum but seeing how every guy either has harassed me in some way this is new. he is also so nice to his mom which is such a green flag. He takes care of her when she needs it and it makes me sob knowing that. hes so stupid and annoying but it makes me love him more. i wish i could send this to him but im like so bad at expressing my love and affection to people. I get like so embarrassed or afraid they will somehow find a way to use my affection/feelings against me. i love him.
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Nothing has gotten better
Depression Support / by Honestlytweaking
Last post
 January 21st, 2024
...See more I have been diagnosed with serve depression since 2019. I have been in and out of the emergency room ever since then. I always get told that stuff will get better but truly it hasnt. In 2019 I was just upset because I lost my friends and went through a traumatic experience. Now I lost my dog, my mom was diagnosed with liver disease, I found out that I may need a surgery that will make it so i can never have kids AND it will only help with my pain relief a little (I will still be in serve pain for the rest of my life) and my parents divorced. I also was kicked out a few years back and even more *** that im not comfortable with sharing happened. Im nor kicked out anymore, I stayed at my dads for the years I was) I was feeling somewhat happier again a few weeks ago and suddenly everything crashed again. Im being admitted to this school program for people who struggle with substance abuse and mental illness and im scared. School was the main reason I was suicdal at the time. When I started 10th grade I skipped all two weeks until my dad finally agreed to move me online. Im now in 11th heading to 12th this summer and im being forced into a new school to get help. Im scared it will be counterproductive but it provides therapy in the school, psychiatrists, yoga etc. its free and covered by doctors and such. I orginally was super against it but now I feel I have no choice. ive set a date that if stuff doesnt get better ill end it and thats how I know I need help. My friends could care less if I ended my life so starting a new school may help me find real trye friends. i just feel so empty and unloved. I am petrified of losing my mom and she wont stop talking about the stuff she needs to do as she will pass soon. I will lose literally everyone I love. All my family members will die and ill be stuck on this earth alone. i am scared ill die alone as I am a terrible person. All I do is sit in my room in the dark and play my sad playlist and sob my eyes out. I feel so alone. I honestly believe no one could give a *** about me. The ones that do could definitely live a better life without me. I hate being on this planet. Yes theres so many things I love about earth but its not worth staying to just feel an ounce of happiness in an ocean of misery.
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One of many issues
Eating Disorder Support / by Honestlytweaking
Last post
 January 20th, 2024
...See more Hello, I am a transgender man. Now, I do not have a diagnosis for an eating disorder as I am not ready to receive help just yet. Thought that may be important to say, I do not say I have an eating disorder just disordered eating. Since November I have rapidly lost <edit> pounds. I have always been a bigger person. Since im trans and also dress like a 2000’s emo/skater I tend to get harrased. I decided to lose weight but sadly I have had disorded eating since 2019. I am not going to go into anymore detail as I do not encourage the behaviour I do. I was talking with my best friend who is also my crush. He said that he can not wait for me to lose weight. He said he meant it in a non negative way as he said “You have great features and once you lose weight it will be more prominent and you will look model level” issue is he knows I have trouble with eating. I brought that up as I did not like the comment and he made a joke about it. i just feel gross as well he always likes me back but now my brains just telling me that he only likes me for what i CAN be and not for who I am now. its just insane that he would say that to be while he knows about my eating.
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