Loving someone so far

Now, I never actually thought id fall in love with someone online. I have ALWAYS found online dating a funny things until I met him. I genuinely love him. I was dating this lovely person who I was deeply in love in but they wanted to open the relationship up and I couldn’t do it. I feel the same love I had for them with him but even more somehow.

We both admitted to having feelings for eachother and its funny as he also makes fun of online daters. It breaks my heart knowing he is literally across the world. He is so pretty and such a great soul. I honestly hate how inlove with him I am. We call 6 out of 7 days ranging from 1-33 hours per call. I have to start school in person again and I am scared I won’t be able to get to talk to him much.

he is trying to come down to see me all the way from england to Canada. His mom is even on board and so is my mom.

(Also yes I know he is not a catfish as I have seen his moms ***, picture of him as a kid, pictures from his year book etc.)

He just genuinely cares about me and im just so *** in love with him I cant. I never thought id be talking about a guy who lives across the world. I tried to date my other crushes bit it did not feel right. I genuinely want a future with him. I want to make it official with him as we literally both admitted to liking eachother etc just issue is id be hidden from his friends as he goes to a private school and his friends are servely homophobic.

sorry for rambling and also TW for sexual assault and rape!

i was abused for 7+ years growing up by my friend group of cis males. For years since I was never comfortable around cis men even though I am bisexual. It was until I met him I felt safe again. I know he wouldn’t hurt me and it makes me sob knowing he wouldn’t. I know that sounds so stupid and like the bare minimum but seeing how every guy either has harassed me in some way this is new.

he is also so nice to his mom which is such a green flag. He takes care of her when she needs it and it makes me sob knowing that.

hes so stupid and annoying but it makes me love him more.

i wish i could send this to him but im like so bad at expressing my love and affection to people. I get like so embarrassed or afraid they will somehow find a way to use my affection/feelings against me.

i love him.