ILoveMyChickens Member Profile

...See more This my first post. Sorry it's so long. At 18, I tried my hardest to do what they said. I liked this next person and did everything I could to not get in trouble. Talk on only Gabb so they can see my texts, don't text anything that can get flagged, don't text too much, etc. I got in trouble again even though I told them I liked the other person because the parents of the other person didn't like their child liking me (They were strict about relationships and I didn't know that) and blocked my family. I got in trouble because the other person didn't obey their parents to stop talking to me (I also didn't know it was that bad). To add, every year I'm told "maybe you'll get a phone this year if you obey" but then I get in trouble and they say "We were just thunking about giving you a phone and this is what you do?" I cried, a lot, and my parents said they didn't want me to have a real phone because I couldn't handle a kid one. I was devastated prior, I was very depressed then and after for the next few months. Some of my friends faded because they were attached to the other person and all I wanted to do was talk to someone and for someone to listen to me. After that rut I just focused on school and ignored the pain, but a few days ago it was my birthday (yay). Weeks before that, my mom promised that I would get her old iPhone to use. It had a wonky camera and was odd on the touchscreen, but I didn't care. I was so excited. I told my friends that I had left that I was getting a new phone (they hated my phone too because I couldn't communicate cuz glitches). Maybe a week after that I got in trouble because my mom was angry and screaming at everyone and my dad and brother and sister were going to grandma's to visit. I had an exam to study for and to take that day, and I didn't want to stay at home because my mom woke up very angry. I tried to go but both of them said I couldn't. This escalated to my mom screaming at me about how I wouldn't focus on studying and it's only for a few hours, and I told her without eye contact, calmly "this is the reason I wanted to go to grandma's." she screamed again and said I'm so disrespectful and am not getting a phone anymore. I cried in the porch and for the first time in my life I screamed at the top of my lungs, and all I could hear was my mom scream right back from her bedroom (when she talked about it to me she said she was being funny and thought I was doing my "teenage angst scream in a pillow thing", which I never do because I am always on eggshells with her). I didn't hug or say good morning or goodnight to her for the next few days, and she noticed and called me disrespectful again and said I won't get birthday gifts if I keep acting like this. My parents do a lot for us, and my mom says she is always thinking about stuff to do for us, so I decided to continue the hugs and stuff, but I still don't like doing it. On my birthday I didn't get a phone. My bestie brought me to an amusement park and I went to the mall with them. We are going to go on a trip north. It was arranged even though I think it's my mom who wants it. I said I didn't want to travel anywhere for my birthday, but I'm going to be grateful about it anyway. Yesterday my mom told me to take care my phone more often so she can text me (I left it dead for 2 days), and I said playfully but really angry inside "maybe if I had a real phone I would take care of it more" and she said "I did so much for you for your birthday." and I just smiled like it was a joke and left. It makes me very sad to this day because I have a list of uses I can use the real phone for, like getting my youtube short thumbnails custom instead of auto generated. I don't have anyone else's opinion because I'm not allowed to be ungrateful for things other people have, am I in the wrong for wanting a real phone?

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