Am I wrong for wanting a phone at 19?
This my first post. Sorry it's so long.
At 18, I tried my hardest to do what they said. I liked this next person and did everything I could to not get in trouble. Talk on only Gabb so they can see my texts, don't text anything that can get flagged, don't text too much, etc. I got in trouble again even though I told them I liked the other person because the parents of the other person didn't like their child liking me (They were strict about relationships and I didn't know that) and blocked my family. I got in trouble because the other person didn't obey their parents to stop talking to me (I also didn't know it was that bad). To add, every year I'm told "maybe you'll get a phone this year if you obey" but then I get in trouble and they say "We were just thunking about giving you a phone and this is what you do?"
I cried, a lot, and my parents said they didn't want me to have a real phone because I couldn't handle a kid one. I was devastated prior, I was very depressed then and after for the next few months. Some of my friends faded because they were attached to the other person and all I wanted to do was talk to someone and for someone to listen to me. After that rut I just focused on school and ignored the pain, but a few days ago it was my birthday (yay). Weeks before that, my mom promised that I would get her old iPhone to use. It had a wonky camera and was odd on the touchscreen, but I didn't care. I was so excited. I told my friends that I had left that I was getting a new phone (they hated my phone too because I couldn't communicate cuz glitches).
Maybe a week after that I got in trouble because my mom was angry and screaming at everyone and my dad and brother and sister were going to grandma's to visit. I had an exam to study for and to take that day, and I didn't want to stay at home because my mom woke up very angry. I tried to go but both of them said I couldn't. This escalated to my mom screaming at me about how I wouldn't focus on studying and it's only for a few hours, and I told her without eye contact, calmly "this is the reason I wanted to go to grandma's." she screamed again and said I'm so disrespectful and am not getting a phone anymore. I cried in the porch and for the first time in my life I screamed at the top of my lungs, and all I could hear was my mom scream right back from her bedroom (when she talked about it to me she said she was being funny and thought I was doing my "teenage angst scream in a pillow thing", which I never do because I am always on eggshells with her).
I didn't hug or say good morning or goodnight to her for the next few days, and she noticed and called me disrespectful again and said I won't get birthday gifts if I keep acting like this. My parents do a lot for us, and my mom says she is always thinking about stuff to do for us, so I decided to continue the hugs and stuff, but I still don't like doing it. On my birthday I didn't get a phone. My bestie brought me to an amusement park and I went to the mall with them. We are going to go on a trip north. It was arranged even though I think it's my mom who wants it. I said I didn't want to travel anywhere for my birthday, but I'm going to be grateful about it anyway. Yesterday my mom told me to take care my phone more often so she can text me (I left it dead for 2 days), and I said playfully but really angry inside "maybe if I had a real phone I would take care of it more" and she said "I did so much for you for your birthday." and I just smiled like it was a joke and left. It makes me very sad to this day because I have a list of uses I can use the real phone for, like getting my youtube short thumbnails custom instead of auto generated.
I don't have anyone else's opinion because I'm not allowed to be ungrateful for things other people have, am I in the wrong for wanting a real phone?
@ILoveMyChickens Hi there. Simply put, you have a right to feel the way you do and, no, you're not wrong for wanting a phone. With that said, you may not like what I say moving forward but here's my opinion of one you seek.
Phones are a big responsibility and with access to having one, it can make life/communication much easier. But also, too, it can cause a lot of problems. Really think of why you want a phone? Is it to be in contact with family and friends or for trivial things? I noticed with my own kids how the phone changes them. Addiction is real, grades slip, exposure to certain things on the internet, etc. Even with my own kids, I notice if they are asked to do something while on the phone, they get short tempered. Sometimes when a parent doesn't want their child to have something it's for their good and benefit. At the end of the day 19 is an adult and you don't need phone monitoring. I was 18/19 when I got my very first cellphone and I literally had to babysit/be an in home nanny to get my own phone and pay my own bill. This is where adulting and responsibility comes into play. I'm inclined to agree with your mom on this one thing-- treat the phone better. You have access to the phone but kept it dead for 2 days. How could someone have got ahold of you? Anything could happen. Please don't let a phone or lack of good one get in between you and your mom/family. Please don't let anger/sadness lead to resentment and madness causing separation in the household. Family is important. The people who genuinely love you, have your back, provide for you... they love you. We've all got to do better expressing our love to each other and not holding grudges. I'm proud of you for going back hugging your mom and loving her. You may be upset or disappointed but don't let trivial things get in the way. Stay blessed. ❤️
Thank you for responding. Some of the things you said I will put to heart. I have to keep my phone in my parents room, so charging it at night is hard because they go to bed early. I recently finished my classes with a good GPA and am going to graduate in the winter. It is not just for trivial things. My Gabb phone is very bad with texting, as it is hard to call and text from frequent crashes and messages from my parents or friends not sending at all. I will try harder to keep my phone charged, as that's my fault and I should be trying better. I don't want social media like Tik Tok and *** for my phone. All I really want is to be able to communicate better with people, be able to search things quicker, (a lot of times I ask other people to search things for me or someone asks me and I have to remind them I can't), be able to upload YouTube short thumbnails (because I can only edit thumbnails on a phone), and for my personal business to have easier access to my *** and client communication. I am a happy person as of now, I just needed reassurance on if I was thinking was alright. Once again, thank you for responding!
Eat well. :) 🫶🏽
The *** were *** and YT
@ILoveMyChickens You're so welcome. Thank you for being receptive and willing to hear another's opinions. You come across someone where seems very blessed and cared for. Wow! Big wow. I'm super proud of you for doing well with schooling. I hope you continue to thrive, be happy, and do well in life! You also strike me as someone very bright and I applaud you. I hope that you and your mom are able to find common ground. Enjoy the rest of your day/night. Take care! ☆♡
