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trying to learn to be comfortable sexually but struggling

Relationship Stress / by Inashitplace

June 15th, 2022

...See more Hi Guys -. I'm in a very unsure place in my life right now. I'm not sure how I feel about sexual behavior. I grew up with it being a super unhealthy environment where it was always considered bad. I more or less always have masturbated or watched porn, but there was always a lot of guilt involved. Lately Ive been trying become more comfortable with it. Ive been watching porn more often. Ive also been seeking out online sexual encounters with women though with the understanding that i'm nervous and not at all kinky. Its been a pretty mixed bag and I have a lot of guilt. That said its been good to be able to talk openly about sex, likes, dislikes, fantasies, ect. So the reason I'm posting is this. Is this really a good plan? To just try to normalize how I feel and remove the guilt just by powering through. I mean i certainly enjoy the behavior and sometimes feel less guilt, but at the same time I don't know if this is the way to work on the issue. I feel like I can only really explore this online at the moment, because I have so much nervousness. I mean, im on a anonymous facebook account lol. Obviously I'm super nervous and have some anxiety about all of this. That said, I'm 26, I feel like I should work on these issues. .I think one of my biggest frustrations is that, I feel like a creep by seeking out sexual stuff online. Whatever form that may take (interactive or not). I'm not sure how to seek it out without feeling a little slimy, even if I'm not actually doing anything wrong. I'm respectful, upfront, careful to understand and not cross boundaries. but despite all that there is a little bit of a feeling i get on sites like reddit or whatever when I'm seeking out anything, especially if it involves another person. I don't know how to shake that and thats actually what bothers me quite a bit. I know its not wrong to want to interact sexually, I know its normal, and I am very respectful in the way I approach it. But I always feel like I will be judged for it, or that I will be put in a box like "oh he is just another guy who only wants in my pants" even if I also want to know them as a person. Add into all that the frustration of not being able to find someone to help and its just, i want to scream

I don't know how to find what I need online, in order to become more comfortable with my sexuality

Relationship Stress / by Inashitplace

January 14th, 2020

...See more So there are several parts to this post I'll try to break it down. Background: I grew up very conservative , sex was seen as bad if done before marriage. I no longer think this and I want to try to become more comfortable being sexual. I watch porn but generally feel weird afterwords, Ive had sexual voice chats with women online a few times but feel guilty afterwords. I'm not to a place I feel comfortable doing anything in person yet, but I'm trying to become comfortable by interacting sexually with women online in a casual manner (though it may just be us voice chatting while sharing porn with each other, the point is for it to be casual, sexual, and for me to be encouraged to be sexual while not feeling guilty). Kink: So thats the background of where I am at. So this is where the kink comes in. I really really really hate masturbating by myself. I like to talk to women online, I like being encouraged to be sexual, its like I want someone to "Mentor" me into enjoying myself more often almost. Basically I want a friend that is casually sexual with me online, with the goal of getting me to be more sexual more often and more comfortable with it, someone to "temp" me or encourage me to be sexual while talking with her. That concept REALLY excites me. Like, and this is SO DAMN STRANGE, one of the best sexual experiences I had online was a woman and she was on camera, completly clothed, just talking, and we she talked to me while we watched porn and I masturbate. Just being able to see her face as she talked to me while I did it (I wasn't on camera only on voice) turned me on an INSANE amount. But thats so damn fucking weird. The result: so I'm in this weird situation where I want this sexual thing, because I think it will genuinely help me grow and move past some of my upbringing. While at the same time, the concept of it REALLY excites me sexually to the point I feel like its a kink. Which is a little strange because I'm generally VERY Plain sexually, Like, I'm not really into kinky stuff. The problem: I don't really know how to seek out what I'm looking for, I don't know how to find it at ALL. Since I only look for this online (at this point) I basically just get lost in a sea of thirsty guys, because part of this IS THAT i'm thirsty. I want to be sexual with a woman online. Thats a part of the whole thing, its just also packaged inside a desire to want to grow. So on the one hand, I AM just a guy online wanting sexual stuff, but I'm also not because I'm not JUST wanting someone to get off with, but someone to work through stuff with. I don't want to pay someone, that would NOT help , I want to genuinely get to know someone to do this with not just pay someone every so often for something. I'm in therapy , but thats not really going to help with this as I need exposure to sexual behavior which I'm not going to get in therapy (as that would be breaking SOOOo many ethical violations on the part of the therapist).

I grew up sexually repressed and now I have no idea how to find a woman to help me deal with it

Relationship Stress / by Inashitplace

July 28th, 2018

...See more Hi, I'm a 24 year old man who grew up in a very conservative very NOT sex positive atmosphere and have a situation I could use some advice on. The most Ive ever done is kiss a woman. and that was several years ago. Ive had pretty extensive health issues and haven't had the chance to meet many people despite being a fairly confident and attractive guy. Over the years Ive looked at porn but in many ways it just made me feel lonely. My taste were always for the more romantic "woman friendly" stuff despite being a guy. Ive tried to be sexual with women Ive met online (since for quite a while Ive been unable to meet in person because of my health issues). Over the past few years Ive had several "encounters" online. I won't go into them but most involved voice chatting while one or both of us touched ourselves. Afterwords I usually felt really embarrassed. So much so I would lose contact with the woman because the only time I wanted to talk was when my hornieness was enough to overpower embarrassment.This lead to me being very standoffish unless I wanted something sexual. I know thats wrong but even knowing my tendencies its hard to break it (though I'm trying). Before I continue I need to make something very clear. All I'm asking from you is advice on my situation. Thats its. You have a blog, your busy, you probably wouldn't be interested in helping beyond advice anyways, I really want to make that clear. So at some point I started specifically seeking women out online to help me become more comfortable with being sexual. Mostly I'm looking for women who are comfortable talking with me about sexual stuff in voice chat and with talking to me while I'm sexual (or who will be sexual with me in voice). I don't ask for pictures beyond something to know what they look like so we can make sure we have some attraction to each other. Now Ive run into a lot of problems finding this that I don't know how to tackle and thats really where I could use some advice. 1) I'm a guy online tenably looking for something sexual, I generally outline similar to what I did in this message so people know whats up but a lot of people will assume I'm lying or being manipulative in order to get something from women online. 2) Sites set up specifically for finding sexual stuff (be it in person or online) are in my limited experience almost all people who are experinced, or have specific kinks that I'm just not comfortable with. 3) They can't respect me and my boundaries. I'm VERY uncomfortable seeking this stuff out even online, I value my anonymity and understand those who value theirs. Ive had a few women that seemed promising but I had to cut simply because they wanted to do to much to fast, send to many pictures, and expected me to just ignore all my boundries. Which isn't ok. I respect boundries and they should to. 4) Ive tried a few discord servers and various communities which are sexual in nature, but I find it hard to break into those communities when I'm not comfortable with group stuff (which is super rare anyways 5) Sometimes I find someone but I'm just not attracted to them. I don't have a super high standards when it comes to looks, but there have been a few times where I would get off than think "why did I do that with her, I don't even like the way she looks in fact I'm kinda grossed out by it". Thats brutal and obviously I would never phrase it to them that way, but generally I feel bad about the whole situation. 6)The woman I talk with, she probably isn't going to get much from the situation. I mean. the most im comfortable with is voice chat.I'm not really knowlegable enough to roleplay, and my speed is much diferent than others. Sometimes I want to go quickly but most of the time I'm very nervous and kinda need to be eased into being sexual. I guess I need verbal foreplay lol. Idk. So to sum it up. I do not know how to find someone online and thats becoming a problem. In person isn't an option right now. Do you have any advice?

Im A mess and I can't stand myself

Journals & Diaries / by Inashitplace

February 21st, 2017

...See more Im so fucking tired. I have so many fucking health problems that make me isolated and miserable. But the worst part is the frustration within myself. This is going to be some real talk so if your immature you probably just want to turn back now. Ive grown up very conservative, especially sexually. Im a virgin. I haven't had many chances with women, hell Ive been kissed once. My life leads to a lot of unavoidable isolation ( and beleive me Ive fought against it) so Im not exactly drowning in opportunities to talk to women. Ive had a few flings with women online, was lucky enough a few of them had some sexual stuff happen, which was nice, but I feel horrible about it at the same time. Its like there are 2 sides of me. The side of me that was raised in the deep conservative south, and the side of me that doesn't give a shit. This takes me to all sorts of weird places mentally. Like.....I keep falling into this patter. I'll come online and try to find a woman to be sexual with. Nothing crazy, im not kinky, and honestly most of the time Im just looking for a friend who will talk to me about stuff (sexual or not). But on the rare chance I DO find something sexual, its good, then I freak out afterwords and block them then delete the account I was on for good measure. Hell you have no fucking idea how many porn accounts Ive made and deleted on reddit because of guilt. So now I still go through this though over the years but the pattern has changed very little. I just want to be able to talk to someone, and be casually sexual, online anonymously , just talk to them on skype or something. Then I actually FINALLY find someone and after one go of it I feel super guilty and block them, then a few days later I want it again and most of the time if I unblock them they are still to pissed to talk to me (and I can't really blame them). So the cycle goes on and on and on. Like, a month or so ago I found someone who I was talking with as a friend, and opened up about my frustrations and she said she would help me explore being more sexual in a slow way. So we masturbated together, I got off first, and then felt disgusted with myself, I stuck around some for her but couldn't stick around for her to finish, she said it was ok and we parted was.....then I later blocked her on everything and deleted the account I used to meet her. WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THAT. Because Im fucking stupid, thats fucking why. This cycle just continues endlessly with me feeling lonely, frustrated, unwarrantable, and like a horrible person for cutting people off like that. And chances are I'll never actually find someone to help me get comfortable with being sexual because of it. And part of me doesn't WANT that to happen. Its like the 2 sides of myself are constantly self sabotaging each other so neither gets what it wants and Im miserable all the fucking time. Forget sexual stuff sometimes I just want to speak to a woman my age and her voice. Never mind the fact that I take everything to damn personally. This is just a tangent but Its like, even in video games. I have some people I'll play games with, but if they are all playing a game and didn't invite me it REALLY hurts. I know its bullshit to feel hurt over it, I don't even know them that well, so I bury it down and ignore it, but the pain is still there even if I refuse to reacted based on it. enough ranting, I just needed to get that out.

Whats a good way to stop the lonliness? Or manage it? or not let it leave you borderline crippled?

Depression Support / by Inashitplace

June 21st, 2016

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