I don't know how to find what I need online, in order to become more comfortable with my sexuality

So there are several parts to this post I'll try to break it down.

Background: I grew up very conservative , sex was seen as bad if done before marriage. I no longer think this and I want to try to become more comfortable being sexual. I watch porn but generally feel weird afterwords, Ive had sexual voice chats with women online a few times but feel guilty afterwords. I'm not to a place I feel comfortable doing anything in person yet, but I'm trying to become comfortable by interacting sexually with women online in a casual manner (though it may just be us voice chatting while sharing porn with each other, the point is for it to be casual, sexual, and for me to be encouraged to be sexual while not feeling guilty).

Kink: So thats the background of where I am at. So this is where the kink comes in. I really really really hate masturbating by myself. I like to talk to women online, I like being encouraged to be sexual, its like I want someone to "Mentor" me into enjoying myself more often almost. Basically I want a friend that is casually sexual with me online, with the goal of getting me to be more sexual more often and more comfortable with it, someone to "temp" me or encourage me to be sexual while talking with her. That concept REALLY excites me. Like, and this is SO DAMN STRANGE, one of the best sexual experiences I had online was a woman and she was on camera, completly clothed, just talking, and we she talked to me while we watched porn and I masturbate. Just being able to see her face as she talked to me while I did it (I wasn't on camera only on voice) turned me on an INSANE amount. But thats so damn fucking weird.

The result: so I'm in this weird situation where I want this sexual thing, because I think it will genuinely help me grow and move past some of my upbringing. While at the same time, the concept of it REALLY excites me sexually to the point I feel like its a kink. Which is a little strange because I'm generally VERY Plain sexually, Like, I'm not really into kinky stuff.

The problem: I don't really know how to seek out what I'm looking for, I don't know how to find it at ALL. Since I only look for this online (at this point) I basically just get lost in a sea of thirsty guys, because part of this IS THAT i'm thirsty. I want to be sexual with a woman online. Thats a part of the whole thing, its just also packaged inside a desire to want to grow. So on the one hand, I AM just a guy online wanting sexual stuff, but I'm also not because I'm not JUST wanting someone to get off with, but someone to work through stuff with. I don't want to pay someone, that would NOT help , I want to genuinely get to know someone to do this with not just pay someone every so often for something. I'm in therapy , but thats not really going to help with this as I need exposure to sexual behavior which I'm not going to get in therapy (as that would be breaking SOOOo many ethical violations on the part of the therapist).