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JPavesatanas
1 150 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2021 Member sinceFebruary 5, 2021
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Numb and not sure
Relationship Stress / by JPavesatanas
Last post
 May 18th, 2021
...See more I'm in a pretty shitty state. Severely depressed. I feel like nothing ever gets resolved until my wife wants something for herself or I'm at my wit's end. We had a LOT of dogs, to a point where I couldn't stand it and walked out for a day. It took my nearly having a breakdown for her to do something about it. We owe almost $2k for electric, the house we rent has been saved from all the dogs, and now she wants to move out of state to be with her daughter and grandkids. I've needed to pay off a court fine to get my license back for 8 years, and it always was impossible because of these situations, mismanagement of $$ (which she was in charge of because she stays at home). Now that she's ready to move, she paid off her own fine first, which was only a year old, mine is secondary I guess. It just seems like there's always a plan but it never really works out... Ever. Not sure i can be a part of that anymore. Maybe I should be living for myself? I've been very depressed for a while. The thought of suicide sometimes makes me smile, like it would be a relief from everything. I've said this to her, and that i feel numb, I don't know how I really feel about anything, because I'm just following along and settling for whatever. Like I've fallen asleep on a giant gear that just keeps turning. She keeps saying "are you really wanting to give up on (insert thing here)", and now "we can start over". Not sure there's any reason to believe anything is going to change. I don't know. I told her I don't think it's fair to ask me that. She didn't understand. I'm really lost.
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Marriage/Depression/Disassociation
Relationship Stress / by JPavesatanas
Last post
 February 8th, 2021
...See more A lot to unpack. I feel like most of our marriage problems are cause by my wife's poor decisions, and me just going with it. Right now we have too many dogs, and I can't bring it up or say I'm frustrated. I can't bring up money.she never wants to deal with anything because she "doesn't feel well" or "not in the mood". It always ends of a yelling match. If I give an emotional response to anything it escalates. If I don't respond and give up, I'm being an asshole. Somehow a paradigm has been created where I feel like my wife is the only one who can do anything or make a decision because I'm "taking things over". Got to a point where I thought about the idea of suicide just to make it all stop. She refuses counseling. She say I'll just charm the therapist and make it all her fault. Idk. So much more. I just want out but I feel like I'd be leaving her high and dry.
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