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JerseyGirl55305
3 1,960 M Hopeful Heart 2
I am not broken. I am responding to stress.
PathStep 30 Compassion hearts156 Forum posts47 Forum upvotes92 Current upvotes92 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceNovember 23, 2017
Bio

 I’m big on things that help me zoom out and get some perspective. I tend to read a lot, mostly history, political thought, and narrative nonfiction. I’ve always been fascinated by how institutions mold people and how individuals try to keep their moral compass while navigating power. For me, a good book isn't about escaping reality; it's about understanding it.

Music is my other go-to. It’s how I reset my brain and find some focus when things get chaotic. Beyond that, I love being outdoors. Hiking or traveling to places with a real sense of history keeps me curious and reminds me that there’s always more to learn about how communities actually tick. I’ll take a quiet trail or a historical site over a crowded tourist trap any day.

On a more personal note, my biggest challenge lately has been navigating professional stress without losing my sense of purpose. I care a lot about doing ethical, meaningful work, which can be exhausting when the environment doesn't always mirror those values. I’m learning to set better boundaries and trust my own gut, even when the feedback loop is a bit broken. At the end of the day, I just want to be one of those people who leaves a system better than they found it.




Recent forum posts
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Still Asking to be Seen
50 & Over Community / by JerseyGirl55305
Last post
 May 11th
...See more How many apologies must be laid at the feet of the past before they stop echoing through every room? I have carried regret like loose change in my pocket, heavy enough to notice, small enough that no one else sees it. I never wanted to become the hands that raised me, sharp with exhaustion, cold with survival. So I tried to break the inheritance. I learned softness where none was given. Learned kindness like a second language. Offered pieces of myself to anyone who needed warmth. Still, I stand outside the glass of other people’s lives watching laughter flicker through their windows. Twenty minutes away might as well be another country. There is always a reason. The dog is too large. The drive is too long. The timing is bad. Excuses stack quietly like unopened mail. And somewhere along the way, I began to wonder if absence is simply the gentlest form of rejection. I am afraid to speak plainly about loneliness. People turn vulnerability into theater. Into gossip. Into proof that you are difficult to love. But once, when the children were small, I was still magic to them. Back then, their hands reached for mine without hesitation. Back then, love arrived easily. Everything changed the moment I chose myself. The moment I stopped surviving and asked for something more. I was told without words that wanting happiness was selfish. That leaving exhaustion was betrayal. So now holidays arrive like uninvited witnesses. Phones stay silent. Messages go unanswered. And heartbreak settles softly, like dust across furniture no one touches anymore. Still, I tried. God, I tried. I carried entire households on my back while calling it marriage, calling it motherhood, calling it duty. I cooked. Cleaned. Worked. Remembered every appointment, every bill, every need but my own. I disappeared so completely into taking care of everyone else that I forgot what it felt like to be held gently. No one called me beautiful. No one reached for my hand just because they wanted to. I was useful. That is not the same thing as loved. And beneath it all lived the old ghosts of childhood, where love was measured by labor, where worth was earned through exhaustion. So yes, I wanted more. Not riches. Not perfection. Just this: To be chosen. To be missed. To be called first. To be welcomed warmly instead of tolerated quietly. To have someone look at me and say, You mattered here. You still do.
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Feeling hopeless
Work & Career / by JerseyGirl55305
Last post
 March 7th
...See more I need some support right now. I had an interview just recently that I really thought went very well. That night, the manager even texted me to ask for my references. I sent them right away, and later, my references told me they were called and gave me great feedback. I was sure that the job was mine. And now… silence. I sent an email to follow up, but I haven't heard back yet. I know that the hiring process can take a while, but it's hard not to give up. It was my greatest hope that this chance would let me leave my current job, which is now very micromanaged and mentally draining. For context, I did not provide my direct supervisors as references due to ongoing tension, but I did provide other managers I work closely with who can speak to my performance and professionalism. The recommendations they made were excellent. On top of all this uncertainty, I had my weekly "progress meeting" at work, where my current toxic supervisors mostly spoke about what I'm doing wrong. In that meeting, they told me that I couldn't leave the room until everyone else had left, which could take up to three hours. I even had to go to the bathroom, but I was told I couldn't. It made me feel insignificant and hopeless. I'm more than just disappointed. I feel deeply discouraged and, honestly, depressed. I just feel burned out and broken right now.
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Bullied at Work
Work & Career / by JerseyGirl55305
Last post
 February 17th
...See more I am experiencing workplace bullying, which is increasing my feelings of depression and anxiety. The continuous criticism from people and inconsistent treatment increased my PTSD in unexpected ways. I notice that I am always on edge. My sleep is disrupted. My thoughts race. Even though I know I did nothing wrong, conversations at work leave me feeling devalued and exhausted. It's troubling to feel myself slipping into survival mode. My body reacts before my mind can process it. I'm trying to separate present-day situations from prior trauma, but when power and ridicule are involved, the lines blur. I cannot simply quit and have been looking for another job for over a year.  HR is no help, and I live in a "right-to-work" state, so there is no recourse.  I have been documenting everything and have filed a complaint with the EEOC because my workplace does not give me any accommodations for my hearing loss.   I'm here because I don't want to shut down or hide. I'm looking for healthier strategies to maintain my mental health while managing a challenging situation.
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Hello
Depression Support / by JerseyGirl55305
Last post
 February 14th
...See more I've struggled with anxiety and depression for many years. On the outside, I appear confident and capable. On the inside, I frequently battle racing thoughts, trouble sleeping, and periods of extreme emotional fatigue. There are days when everything feels heavy, though I am still completing my responsibilities. There are times when my body reacts to stress more strongly than the situation appears to justify. I'm starting to see how trauma shaped these tendencies. I'm here to better understand myself and feel less alone during this journey.
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New Here - Interested in Participating in the Group on FRidays
Trauma Support / by JerseyGirl55305
Last post
 February 16th
...See more Hi I am new to this community and would like to participate in the Support Chat about Trauma on Fridays.  I am an abuse survivor who suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). For a long period, I carried it quietly while maintaining a high level of competence. From the outside, I appeared capable and controlled. On the inside, I was constantly alert, restless, and on edge. Certain surroundings or tones that are conflicting can cause a physical stress response in me. My body reacts before my head has time to process what is happening. I'm learning that this isn't a weakness. It is an intelligence system that developed to survive.
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