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Kadessa70
392 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2020 Member sinceAugust 1, 2016
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Not sure if he actually cheated, but I've been lied a few times...
Relationship Stress / by Kadessa70
Last post
 February 26th, 2020
...See more Hi, everyone: I came here for support. I recently found some strong evidence that my boyfriend may have been unfaithful--maybe not physically since there is no proof of that but definitely empotionally. I was in this relationship for six years. Weve been through a lot. We did distance for a bit and weve had our fights—but always came out stronger than ever. Unfortunately, things started to unravel last month—in a way that may be irreversible and unsalvageable. Things had been going great in our relationship. Toward the end of 2019 were the best weeks and months of our time together. All of a sudden a bomb dropped—I found pictures of him on social media with a younger female colleague. They were taken at a race they did together out of town. Rewind a bit—I know a lot of his colleagues. Its a small town and were kind of in the same field. So I actually knew her before they started working together. I told him months ago when I found out she joined his team, that I didnt like her. She had some manipulative behavior in a past organization we were in. He swore to me he didnt find her attractive and it was strictly plutonic. She joined last year and is in a junior position. He told me office gossip that she has all the men (especially senior management) wrapped around her finger. They often drop everything to cater to her needs (getting rid of the small of cigarettes in her office, etc.). She even WhatsApps them with her personal phone. Shes 20 years younger than my boyfriend and is by far much much younger than the male managers in their department. By the way, my boyfriend has kids from a previous marriage, and this colleague is just four years older than his eldest daughter. He told me he was with guy friends at that race. He didnt mention her being there at all. I found out through her public Instagram posts that I came across a month after the event. My boyfriend is turning 50 next month, and shes 30. He doesnt look like a 50 year old with three kids. Hes always been buff and really into fitness and working out. Shes this perky blonde who lives and breathes fitness and nutrition. Her Instagram is devoted to her body—lots of posts of her working out, half naked, and in the gym. If I had any personal insecurities, they multiplied by the tenfold. Here he is hanging out with someone who has similar interests to him and it happens to be something physical. I was gutted. I was angry and hurt that he hid this from me. I dont know about you, but its kinda shady to take trips with other women, especially when youre already in a relationship. I confronted him about this through text. He tried calling twice, but I was so emotional and enraged that I didnt speak to him. I just kept going off on him for days and weeks via text. He didnt block me. He just kept reading my messages but staying silent. What's puzzling is that he knows I'm upset and I'm finding more and more out about the two of them. He's not defending himself or trying to stop my anger and sadness. Was this just an innocent race together? Was I making things bigger than they were? My mind started to race and is still racing—were they more than friends? Do they hang out more outside of the office? Are they actually seeing each other? Fast forward to yesterday—I had lunch with other colleagues who work with him—friends of mine too. They were unaware of the whole story about the race. However, they delivered bad news—apparently he had gone to the office Christmas party with her. I had been to it with him before. Its a grand event. They were totally confused—they wondered where I was. So, they took some pics. Maybe they didnt come together, but what hurts is that he told me nothing. Its the type of event where you bring your significant others, etc. He didnt invite me. I was just at home while the party was going on. Even though we went together in the past, he did it for me and he never liked such gatherings and would prefer to stay home. But here he is all dressed up with her. Im not too active on social media, but I went back to her Instagram and found another pic of him with her at the party—a selfie with others. These friends I had lunch with also told me that his secretary (a lady who I also know) wondered if we were still together because she had been seeing a lot of the two of them together. If they are fooling around, would he be so stupid to flaunt this relationship at work and especially to people he knows I know? My heart sank. Whatever was left of it, it felt completely shattered. I felt humiliated that they told me, and that they had such negative feelings about the whole thing and now about him. A part of me wants to believe they really are just good friends—because friends run races together and go to parties together. What HURTS most is his lying… why didnt he tell me about her being at the race and the Christmas party? Did he just want to protect me because he knew I didnt like her? But then why didnt he invite me to this party???? When youve known a person for so long and have entrusted every secret to him, you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. But sometimes one event, one instance can but a damper on everything. Since Ive already been in crisis mode for the past few weeks, this new revelation about the party just adds salt to my wounds. Ive said my last words. Ive decided to block him in every form possible. He knows how much hes hurt me. All this time, we fought hard to make it work. I loved him. I dont know if theres an us anymore, but I know I have to take care of myself. If he really has been two-timing, I cant ignore that. I cant sugarcoat things and make excuses for him. Im a person that demands full loyalty, and I wont tolerate lying. I dont know how to feel. I do know theres a lot of sadness and anger and regret. Thank you for reading!
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Is he gone for good?
Relationship Stress / by Kadessa70
Last post
 July 19th, 2017
...See more My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years (short two months). He is a diplomat and has been on assignment in Cameroon for nearly half the time we've been together. We've made it work with constant communication and visits (especially on his side--with up to five visits a year). He has less than a year until he returns home. I am on a similar career path. As I have waited patiently for him and supported him every step of the way, I have been working on my career development. This spring I landed a dream opportunity with the UN to also work in Africa, but in the eastern Horn region. It's temporary for only six months. It's also my first time in the field and my first real professional level position. It would be great leverage for my aspirations and could even help me find a better job when I return home. As I write to you now, it has been six days since my arrival. My boyfriend had always been super supportive of my career ambitions and my personal development. When I told him of the news, he was excited and proud. He was particularly attentive with the anxiety I was feeling, because although it is a great opportunity, it comes with a lot of uncertainty and risk-taking. I don't intend to be in the field for an extended period (I don't think anyone really does more than a year). We discussed briefly how this would impact our relationship, and he said it work well (even if I extended for another three or six months) as we would probably come home at the same time. He wanted to visit me before I left, but unfortunately he had a project to finish, and I was kind of being rushed to start my assignment. Some days before my departure, he totally closed up. I would send texts and messages, but he wouldn't respond. I sent pics of my new haircut and my send-off parties, but he didn't say anything. He never even checked on me in the days leading up to the departure, not even to see how I was feeling. I found this very strange, but I didn't mention it to him then. On my day of departure, I sent him a text to let him know I was en route to the airport and that I had packed up the place I was leaving behind. No response. Mixed with so many emotions that day, I called him a jerk out of anger, just before the plane took off. I didn't really tell him why, but maybe he knew. Since my arrival, I have been experiencing what is perhaps the most challenging time of my life--having to adapt to the extremely hot climate, being in a remote and underdeveloped environment, being in a place where I don't know anyone, and also tackling the demanding duties of the job. It's only been six days, but it feels like a month! I yearned for him. I wanted my best confidant to be there for me. I am still having to cope with the stress of life right now plus not having him around. Amidst this stress and feelings of abandonment, I had been sending these mean texts to him--actually accusing him of chasing other women (using that as an excuse for him dropping off the radar and being MIA--note: we broke up very briefly last year and he jumped into a brief rebound relationship, after which he apologized to me) and wasting my time these past three years. I was just so angry--the person I wanted and needed the most wasn't there. The more I wanted him and the more I felt I needed him, the more anxious I got and the more I would send out these messages to him. This obviously pushed him away. Without even replying to my words, without offering an explanation for his behavior, he blocked me in almost every way possible--on the phone, on WhatsApp, on Skype, and on Facebook. I feel helpless now. Is he just angry? Is he hurt? Is he legit being shady? Is he scared that we won't be able to work with the new dynamics? I didn't mean what I said. Deep down I'm sorry. What do I do now? Will he eventually unblock me? What is he thinking? Is he really willing to completely cut me off like that? My birthday is next Friday and it was always a special day for both of us. I can't think how I would enjoy that day or get by emotionally in the next six months, knowing he has severed me from his life. It's cruel on his part to completely cut me off, knowing I am facing one of the most challenging times of my life. I want to make amends though. I want to have him there again. I still hang on to dreams of our future together. Should I just give him (and myself) room to breathe? It's with that, I get anxious that if I give him time, he will completely forget about me and move on. What's your take and what can I do? Thanks in advance.
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