Is he gone for good?
My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly three years (short two months). He is a diplomat and has been on assignment in Cameroon for nearly half the time we've been together. We've made it work with constant communication and visits (especially on his side--with up to five visits a year). He has less than a year until he returns home.
I am on a similar career path. As I have waited patiently for him and supported him every step of the way, I have been working on my career development. This spring I landed a dream opportunity with the UN to also work in Africa, but in the eastern Horn region. It's temporary for only six months. It's also my first time in the field and my first real professional level position. It would be great leverage for my aspirations and could even help me find a better job when I return home.
As I write to you now, it has been six days since my arrival. My boyfriend had always been super supportive of my career ambitions and my personal development. When I told him of the news, he was excited and proud. He was particularly attentive with the anxiety I was feeling, because although it is a great opportunity, it comes with a lot of uncertainty and risk-taking. I don't intend to be in the field for an extended period (I don't think anyone really does more than a year). We discussed briefly how this would impact our relationship, and he said it work well (even if I extended for another three or six months) as we would probably come home at the same time.
He wanted to visit me before I left, but unfortunately he had a project to finish, and I was kind of being rushed to start my assignment.
Some days before my departure, he totally closed up. I would send texts and messages, but he wouldn't respond. I sent pics of my new haircut and my send-off parties, but he didn't say anything. He never even checked on me in the days leading up to the departure, not even to see how I was feeling. I found this very strange, but I didn't mention it to him then.
On my day of departure, I sent him a text to let him know I was en route to the airport and that I had packed up the place I was leaving behind. No response.
Mixed with so many emotions that day, I called him a jerk out of anger, just before the plane took off. I didn't really tell him why, but maybe he knew.
Since my arrival, I have been experiencing what is perhaps the most challenging time of my life--having to adapt to the extremely hot climate, being in a remote and underdeveloped environment, being in a place where I don't know anyone, and also tackling the demanding duties of the job. It's only been six days, but it feels like a month! I yearned for him. I wanted my best confidant to be there for me. I am still having to cope with the stress of life right now plus not having him around.
Amidst this stress and feelings of abandonment, I had been sending these mean texts to him--actually accusing him of chasing other women (using that as an excuse for him dropping off the radar and being MIA--note: we broke up very briefly last year and he jumped into a brief rebound relationship, after which he apologized to me) and wasting my time these past three years. I was just so angry--the person I wanted and needed the most wasn't there. The more I wanted him and the more I felt I needed him, the more anxious I got and the more I would send out these messages to him.
This obviously pushed him away. Without even replying to my words, without offering an explanation for his behavior, he blocked me in almost every way possible--on the phone, on WhatsApp, on Skype, and on Facebook. I feel helpless now.
Is he just angry? Is he hurt? Is he legit being shady? Is he scared that we won't be able to work with the new dynamics?
I didn't mean what I said. Deep down I'm sorry.
What do I do now? Will he eventually unblock me? What is he thinking? Is he really willing to completely cut me off like that?
My birthday is next Friday and it was always a special day for both of us. I can't think how I would enjoy that day or get by emotionally in the next six months, knowing he has severed me from his life.
It's cruel on his part to completely cut me off, knowing I am facing one of the most challenging times of my life. I want to make amends though. I want to have him there again. I still hang on to dreams of our future together.
Should I just give him (and myself) room to breathe? It's with that, I get anxious that if I give him time, he will completely forget about me and move on.
What's your take and what can I do?
Thanks in advance.
@Kadessa70 I understand where you are coming from. I have recently had a break from my love, also. Although we are quite amicable, and have said we love each other. Some passive aggressive communications from me about my need to see him more and he said he is done. This is the man I was planning on spending my life with, also. We were taking vacations with my daughters and his son. Now, all gone and we are both heartbroken.
Your situation is tough as you have been blocked. He will likely unblock sometime, but in the meantime, you can only wait. Such as I am doing. I am terrified that he has moved on, although we met last week and he said he has not. We were both crying.
I hope things go well for you...that over time, he cools off and comes back around. I feel your pain, I really do.
@sympatheticAcres207
Thanks for your kind words. I hope we both just need to cool off. Times like these hurt so badly and are full of regret. I just wish things would be better again... and fast!
Good luck to you as well. If it's any help, I think maybe in this time of anxiety, we can train our minds to think positively and not dwell in the pain. Who knows, after some time, this may help in the healing process or even help bring about the situation you want.
@Kadessa70
Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. Theres a few things I would like to point out;
Some days before my departure, he totally closed up. I would send texts and messages, but he wouldn't respond. (I don't know how many messages you sent to him without him replying, but if it was more than one then more than likely it might cause him to feel smoothered in a way. One of the reasons you did this was because of separation anxiety, you felt something was strange so it prompt you to message him. It's important to send only one message then wait to hear from him). I sent pics of my new haircut and my send-off parties, but he didn't say anything. (At this point it's like he is ignoring you, not cool of him. He is not communicating, but rather backing away and closing himself off) He never even checked on me in the days leading up to the departure, not even to see how I was feeling. I found this very strange, but I didn't mention it to him then. (He definetly was acting strange, its more like he was not behaving like the person you first met).
On my day of departure, I sent him a text to let him know I was en route to the airport and that I had packed up the place I was leaving behind. No response. (This is rude and disrespectful, its like totally back away completly without any reason).
Mixed with so many emotions that day, I called him a jerk out of anger, just before the plane took off. (In here you felt anxious, so it prompt you to lose emotional self control. It's important to let the situation go if they are reacting on this manner, it's not fair he is not responding you) I didn't really tell him why, but maybe he knew.
Since my arrival, I have been experiencing what is perhaps the most challenging time of my life--having to adapt to the extremely hot climate, being in a remote and underdeveloped environment, being in a place where I don't know anyone, and also tackling the demanding duties of the job. (It's understandable you felt this way, this is a new place and experience, so is expected that it'll take you a bit to get used to it). It's only been six days, but it feels like a month! I yearned for him. I wanted my best confidant to be there for me. I am still having to cope with the stress of life right now plus not having him around.
Amidst this stress and feelings of abandonment, I had been sending these mean texts to him--actually accusing him of chasing other women (This will actually make him to never reply to you at this point, you are losing emotional self control. In here you are feeling separation anxiety, wanting any type of reaction from so he comes back and to soothe your anxiety, its very important to leave one message then wait to hear for a response. These kind of texts were unecessary, he didn't deserve a reaching out from you when he has not responded to your messages). (using that as an excuse for him dropping off the radar and being MIA--note: we broke up very briefly last year and he jumped into a brief rebound relationship, after which he apologized to me) and wasting my time these past three years. I was just so angry--the person I wanted and needed the most wasn't there. (In here he is starting to become an object to soothe your own anxiety and stress, you are reaching out so you could feel safe and protected without paying attention that he is not responding. It's important to learn how to calm down these feelings by yourself without fully relying on one person like this.) The more I wanted him and the more I felt I needed him, the more anxious I got and the more I would send out these messages to him. (A person would feel very smoothered with this behavior, you are mostly reaching out so sooth(calm down your anxiety))
This obviously pushed him away. Without even replying to my words, without offering an explanation for his behavior, he blocked me in almost every way possible--on the phone, on WhatsApp, on Skype, and on Facebook. I feel helpless now. (This was bound to happen because of the constant messaging, i have gone through this and did similar things so I could understand how hurtful and tough it feels to see being blocked by an important person, it feels like the end of the world, and the anxiety gets soo high).
Is he just angry? Is he hurt? Is he legit being shady? Is he scared that we won't be able to work with the new dynamics? (He is not worh your time, he doesn't know how to communicate like an adult. His way of doing things is to back away and leave. You would want a man who will communicate with you, tell if things are going to end without leaving like he did.)
I didn't mean what I said. Deep down I'm sorry.
What do I do now? Will he eventually unblock me? What is he thinking? Is he really willing to completely cut me off like that? (Well the constant messaging without him responding cause him to back away and block, so at this moment in time he is feeling very smoothered. It was rude and cruel how he handled things).
My birthday is next Friday and it was always a special day for both of us. I can't think how I would enjoy that day or get by emotionally in the next six months, knowing he has severed me from his life. (It's normal you would feel sad and anxiety, you will feel his absence for awhile until you slowly heal)
It's cruel on his part to completely cut me off, knowing I am facing one of the most challenging times of my life. I want to make amends though. I want to have him there again. I still hang on to dreams of our future together. (You shouldn't try to make ammends or want him in your life after the way he left your life, you got to be aware of whats going on)
Should I just give him (and myself) room to breathe? It's with that, I get anxious that if I give him time, he will completely forget about me and move on. (Your fear and anxiety its what prompt you to reach out and it didn't get you favorable results, so your best option it's to do nothing. The more you do, the more it will push him away plus it might get you in trouble if he files charges on you to the police)
