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Lance
386 M Embraced 3
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts80 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2017 Member sinceDecember 28, 2013
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Sorry.
Anxiety Support / by Lance
Last post
 August 4th, 2016
...See more I'm not sure if this is the right place to do this and I apologize if it's not. It's just that it took me a few days to talk myself into writing this and I want to seize the moment before I decide not to. Please bear with me. This is the only place I have left to turn and I can't figure out a solution on my own. You guys seem nice enough and I hope I'm not doing this wrong. If so, I'm so sorry. I've been alone for years. I'm not sure if I can change that now. I'm so lonely but I can't bring myself to talk to anyone any more than absolutely necessary. I can go to work and I go out in public and I can communicate with people well enough to accomplish what's expected of me but that's it. I say "thank you" to the cashier at the store. I answer the questions people ask me. But I don't make friends anymore. I don't connect. I just can't. When my co-workers ask what I did over the weekend I tell the truth and say that I did nothing. When someone asks how I'm doing I lie and say I'm perfectly fine. I try going to social places but I end up standing by myself in a crowded bar or quietly reading on my phone in the park. I took a free consultation with a therapist just to see what they said. The time ran out before we got to discuss much but I was told to try talking to people more. But that's the problem; who would I talk to? Just anyone? About what? The looming realization that I'm a thirty year old man who isn't interesting enough to start a conversation?
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Defining one's own worth.
Depression Support / by Lance
Last post
 November 7th, 2014
...See more One thought that's been in my mind for years is "Am I worthy of..." I'm constantly worried that there are so many things beyond my reach. I try to rationalize it away. But, a long time ago, I compared my life to a scientific experiment. If there is only one control constant (me) and there are many different variables (friends, relationships, mentors, opportunities) but the result is always the same, the constant must be the sole source of the outcomes. Ever since that "epiphany" I've had serious doubts as to whether I was the type to deserve love, friendship, and success. I've been told by people that everyone deserves those things if they're willing to work for them. I've worked harder than anyone I've known to keep others happy. Time and time again, though, everything I have, all my time, complete obedience, and the sacrifice of my own agenda proved to not be enough to secure the loyalty of even a single person. At what point should one simply resign to such a fate? I've been completely alone now for nine months. I don't even know what I'm trying to express, right now. Pardon the rambling.  I guess what I want to know is: since the worth of a person cannot be granted or universal, how can one's value be defined?
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